Trip Report - From the Ashes Being Reborn

[reves]

Some Background

I have been doing Kriya Yoga since the beginning of 2019 and also started working with psychedelics last year, and a steady-daily meditation practice for more than two years now. I also like to do some other practices like Hatha and Yin Yoga.

I had some powerful awakenings in previous trips, but this one is the biggest/deepest one yet I have experienced. For a couple of months now, I incorporated Yoga Fire technique to my Kriya Yoga practice. Since then I also started to notice an increase in energy I feel, I also started listening the sound of Om and the Chakras more intensively and feel as if some energy is building-up at the top of the head.

The Trip

Medicine: 200 ug of 1P-LSD

Intention:

• What is God?
• What is Death?
• Why am I so afraid of tripping?

I made all the preparations and took the medicine around 7:30 on an empty stomach. Normally I have to wait about an hour to start feeling the effects of LSD, but this time I started to feel the come-up after 30 minutes.

During the first moments it felt as if a lot of energy was moving through body sort of rewiring it. After some trips I can start to realize how this process is rewiring, like upgrading my body.

I then started to get in sort of a mystical state. With almost no effort, the illusion of being a separate being from the world would rapidly fade, everything would start to become Luminous Emptiness, the white energy of Absolute Love. For a moment it was as if I could see outside the bubble of reality of my small-self, only the things that where around my field of view where in existence and everything outside this bubble was just nothing, just pure white energy. It was a state of consciousness I have never reached before, I felt infinite, total, loved, there was no time.

And suddenly I had this very powerful mystical experience, as I was laying down concentrated looking at my finger tips. It was the first time that I could intentionally let go of the illusion of self. Little by little the sensations experienced by my body started to fade away, as I started getting dissolved in the great sea of Nothingness, as this was happening I felt complete, surrounded by unconditional Love. At one moment I was no more, I don't have the words to describe this experience.

It felt as if I was returning home, a sensation of Completeness, Absolute Love, Compassion, Infinity, Total Serenity. And then little by little, just as it started the illusion of my small self started to form again in front of my eyes, as I was being reborn.

I already had these sort of Samadhi experiences in the past, but this was the first time I could stay so long and so conscious in this state, being able to contemplate so deep as never before. It has never been so easy for me to tear the illusion of Maya. After every awakening, I also realized how I am getting more conscious, is like the field of awareness keeps expanding. I got some powerful visions, but deep inside I knew that it was all an illusion.

After a couple of hours on this God-mode I got some ego-backslash, I felt a strong need to get grounded on the illusion of reality I am normally used to be. It can be very shocking and frightening when the reality starts to melt in front of you and when you realize that the idea you have of the world and yourself is false and then you awaken to your real Self. It was as I suddenly wanted to forget everything I just had seen but, that what has been seen cannot be unseen.

This made me realize why I always find it so hard to do the work, the ego finds always excuses to postpone tripping. It is because with every trip the illusion of what I think I am has to die in order to awaken to the true Self. Its like a sacrifice where we offer the illusion of oneself. But it also feels great, awesome to awaken to the true Self. It feels more real, is just Being Truth.

It was also the first time I stopped being afraid of dying. I have never felt like this on psychedelics before, it was as if some line of code would suddenly be erased in the mind and I became fearless.

The psychedelic also showed me for the first time with so much clarity some of my shadows. At that moment I realized that they are just false ideas projected on to something/someone.

Conclusions and Questions

• With every trip I feel as if I am getting aligned with a higher consciousness.
• I understood and felt the dangers of this work, as I suddenly became so fearless.
• With every trip I feel more and more committed to this work. I love getting mind-fucked, I love remembering my true Identity. I love all the insights I get.
• It also makes me appreciate everything more deeply, every moment of life.

Does anybody can also hear/feel the Om and the Chakras? Is this like some sort of Kundalini awakening? I would be very grateful if you can point me in the right direction where I can find more information about this.

As always, thanks you so much for reading this post. Thanks to @Leo Gura for his amazing teachings and to all the great community of actualized.org!

Namaste.

Edited April 16, 2020 by reves
Added trip intention.

[Leo Gura]

Good. The more you trip, the deeper you will go and the easier it will get to surrender. Until you hit even deeper levels which you couldn't imagine before, and then it gets hard to surrender again

[billiesimon]

Nice report!  Which psychedelics have you tried so far?

[lostmedstudent]

6 hours ago, reves said:

This made me realize why I always find it so hard to do the work, the ego finds always excuses to postpone tripping. It is because with every trip the illusion of what I think I am has to die in order to awaken to the true Self. Its like a sacrifice where we offer the illusion of oneself. But it also feels great, awesome to awaken to the true Self. It feels more real, is just Being Truth.

thank you for the report!

i specially enjoyed this example you gave: the trade-off of a sense of self vs infinite Love. When you said you became fearless, was it a goal you set before tripping or did it happen spontaneously? were you consciously afraid of death before that?

thanks

[reves]

@billiesimon  Thanks! So far 4-AcO-DMT, 4-HO-MET and 1P-LSD

[reves]

13 hours ago, lostmedstudent said:

When you said you became fearless, was it a goal you set before tripping or did it happen spontaneously?

@lostmedstudent  Thanks! Yes I updated the trip report and added the intentions. I have been tripping with the specific intention to understand why am I so afraid of tripping.

13 hours ago, lostmedstudent said:

were you consciously afraid of death before that?

Yes, not like I am afraid of dying on the everyday life, but this fear and/or resistance appears specially when I am trying to do a practice like meditation, contemplation, and specially psychedelic tripping.