A Glimpse

[Victor Mgazi]

A glimpse of ego death 

Awakening

Last night I awakened to a grand truth and that is.. I am consciousness. To know how I got there you can check out my journal, I want to keep this post short. 

This is so profound and just amazing to realize. And this is very true for me, I had gone from being aware of the fabric of reality to being the fabric of reality. Now, not only do I know that consciousness is the substance of reality, I know that that very fabric is me.. this field is my body. Everything happening within me, I am the canvas in which stories and expressions are told. Consciousness is my true body, not the physical!

The Transition

This awakening got so deep that at some point I was dead. Literally, I was gone. I can only describe the experience as being peaceful and powerful. But I tapped out.

Oh My Soul ?‍♂️ The reason I say that it's a glimpse is because I couldn't let it settle, I couldn't let the transition of my state of consciousness reach equilibrium, I couldn't accept the truth. What you realise when you die is that you were never alive to begin with, life is a story. What you realise is that you've always been dead,.. ETERNITY Dawns! SELFLESSNESS Dawns! GOD Dawns. And it was too much. I couldn't accept it. It was too grand to let it settle in one fell swoop.

I can't describe the transition as a sense of fading away, no. It started with me being gone, I had disappeared, I was already dead. It's the realising of the Truth that gets you. I was observing what was going on and when it started to make sense I tapped out. Didn't let it sink in.

It was a glimpse of ego death. Know I know what ego is, and I don't mean conceptually, I mean I'm aware of what ego is. It's the self. Guys, there is no self in truth! I promise you there isn't a self, self is completely imagined. There is no self at all, no false self, no lower self or higher self, no true self, there's no self! There only thing there is unity, it's wholeness. And you feel it, I swear to God you feel that wholeness to the core. Typing this right now, I feel scarred.. that realisation left a mark on my ego. Sitting here, I know that it's a lie, I know that I'm a fat lie. I don't exist. And to top it off, you realise that nothing exists, existence is not real. Why because truth is nondual and therefore nothing must exist and can exist. Existence is imaginary, it's imagination. 

It's A Glimpse

This realisation was just a taste of ego death, a taste of nonduality, a taste of freedom. And I'm utterly grateful for this experience because I now know what to expect from this work. I can now integrate and start forgetting myself. 

P.S. I'm not going to lie and say it was a beautiful experience, realising that you're God is not a beautiful experience. It's peaceful and meaningless and immensely powerful, that's it. 

Feel free to comment and leave any advice as to how I can go forward with this. For now, I'm just going to take time off and just appreciate this illusion. Peace ?

 

 

[traveler]

It is real and unreal. There is only freedom. This is it, whatever is is it. The feeling that this isn't it, is it. If there is a story that awakening is some grand event, a prolonged state of bliss, that is just a story. There is no where to go, this is complete. You didn't glimpse that there was nobody here, a glimpse happened for no one. This is not a state or experience, it is this, ordinary but extraordinary for no one. You are looking for an experience, a different this, you cant find this because it is already. You are in your own way, and you'll always be.