True, false, or just not deep enough?

[Dazgwny]

I had an lsd experience couple of months ago. Without going into too much detail about the whole trip, the main aspect of it was my ego death, and how I realised I’d imagined everything, my whole life, who I am, who other people are, the narrative my life had took, all those sorts of things that come along with it. I had this overwhelming certainty that I was the only thing in existence. But not me, as in the character, the sort of thing that was behind the character, this thing what I actually am. Which certainly wasn’t a person. It was just like an invisible imaginative thing, that seemed like nothing at all, just empty imagination. I ended up praising myself, but not me as a character, this imaginative thing, I couldn’t believe how clever I was actually was, to completely trick myself, that my whole life had been real. I was saying things like fuck your good, your so fucking good so clever to have done this. Then the thing that’s really got me now looking back, ego intact, is that in the moment of the trip, I was astounded to wonder, thinking how many times have I done this to myself, and the answer was infinite times, and that I’ll do it infinitely more times, over and over and over again. That I would live this particular life infinite times in infinite particular ways. That kind of made sense. But as I say now looking back, as my ego tries to mentally piece things together, I wonder if this is false, like a false awakening type thing, as in my ordinary state of consciousness I can’t get out of the thinking that this keeps my in some kind of loop, as if living this particular life infinitely in infinite different ways, how can I possibly be everybody else too, if I’m infinitely living this one? I understand that infinite intelligence would have a way around this, of course it would, as is infinitely intelligent. But I havnt reached that. So I just wonder if I’m on the right path here, is this a true awakening to some extent, and just need to go deeper, or am I somehow deluding myself and is false? It would be great if I could get a response from Leo on it. But of course any opinions from anyone are very much appreciated ??

Edited April 14, 2020 by Dazgwny

[Nate0068]

You experiences some pretty hefty nonduality during your trip nothing is what you are the chemical lsd isnt real you imagined that you woke up to yourself as nothingness lsd is in the nothingness.a good way to look at infinity is to ask yourself what is not included in infinity? There is no beinging or end nothing outside of it there is endless creation in nothingness 

[Victor Mgazi]

I've never taken lsd before but I can relate to some of the things you've said.

On 4/14/2020 at 3:46 PM, Dazgwny said:

I was saying things like fuck your good, your so fucking good so clever to have done this.

Yes, the realisation of your own perfection leaves you in awe. I was also praising myself when I'd realised what I'd done to myself and how I'd done it.

On 4/14/2020 at 3:46 PM, Dazgwny said:

That I would live this particular life infinite times in infinite particular ways. That kind of made sense.

The key here is not making sense out of things; it's being aware of them, knowing them without mental effort. As long as there is daubt that means you're not directly aware of it. Allow your direct experience to be your authority in this work, not relying on other people.

On 4/14/2020 at 3:46 PM, Dazgwny said:

is this a true awakening to some extent, and just need to go deeper, or am I somehow deluding myself and is false?

True awakening is won't leave you wondering whether or not it's true awakening. You know what you know because you see it, it's present and you're aware of it. No interpretation needed.

@Dazgwny keep going, you're doing great. My advice would, always, be to meditate so that you raise your awareness and attentiveness. And self inquire so that you don't miss insights.

Good luck friend

 

[Dazgwny]

@Nate0068 @Victor Mgazi thanks very much these views are intriguing to me and very much appreciated ??