I need sincere help. Psychedelic question.

[Christer]

Hi :-) 

I want to go psychedelics. I've only done MDMA 4 times where 3 times was therapeutically and half a dose of mushrooms, which was like a mild MDMA. What is the best one to start with? 
And also, how do one get a hold of 5meo dmt if you're from Scandinavia, Denmark? If anyone has anything here, it would be of tremendous help. 
I think it's important to mention that I'm afraid of the dark, cause it's like I sense dark presence in it, from being absolutely terrified when I was a kid. Also when I close my eye lids there are shapes coming together from "white moist" forming monster looking faces. It started to show 3 years ago in my kunda awakening. So, as you probably can tell, I want to face this fear first cause getting a trip where this is instantaneous manifest parallel to thoughts would be quite an adventure.

This white moist, or ki, been playable. In semi dark I see it everywhere, and I can harden it inside my arm, then move my arm, and see a white hand float in the air. But this monster creating stuff awakens a deep fear, really terrifying.

 

It's also important to mention that my sense of self is everywhere, literally my skin has no contrast. I'm water and my mind is present all around, like a cloud where the edges faint into, well nothing really. I'm so tired of this fear and pain keep solidifying me and keeping me from going deeper. Well, it's going deeper but so slow. I'm sinking into the all-around, but keep being pulled back. 

The drastic idea was to take a psychedelic that strong, pushing me so fast out there that I have no capability to restrain my self in the defence of fear, but I want to be responsible and compassionate with the fear.

Now we know my intention, where I am, and where I want to go.

 

Tremendous thanks for reading my post, and thank you for your sincere answer.

Love,

Christer.

Edited April 13, 2020 by Christer

[Barna]

You won't like what I'm gonna tell you.

I think you're not ready to work with psychedelics until you've faced your fear of the dark. Spend an hour in pitch black darkness, notice all the fears that the mind comes up with and let them go. Let the dark kill you. Then you'll be ready for psychedelics to kill your ego.

[Javfly33]

18 minutes ago, Barna said:

You won't like what I'm gonna tell you.

I think you're not ready to work with psychedelics until you've faced your fear of the dark. Spend an hour in pitch black darkness, notice all the fears that the mind comes up with and let them go. Let the dark kill you. Then you'll be ready for psychedelics to kill your ego.

Yeah i support this. @Christer

Although I must say, I was also afraid of the dark, (way less than you), and it wasn´t until I encountered a "dark set and setting" with several psychedelics in low doses that I had to face my fear.

When nothing is pushing you to the fear you just keep procrastinating.

The weird thing is, I don´t know yet why I had that fear. I would say it has gone away like 70% of it, but I had no idea what it was lol.

For the OP I would suggest very low doses if you decide to go ahead with psychs

 

[Aaron p]

Just be careful sounds like you might have lots of shadow work my friend. I always say that trips like LSD are dangerous for people with lots of shadow work and not good self control because if you get yourself into a bad trip you'll be there for 12 hours... LSD makes me just feel fuckin crazy for 12 hours. But you might resonate with it. I personally prefer shorter and slightly more powerful trips like DMT, although 5meo plugged is where it's at. Regular DMT is extremely visual and quite intense. I actually prefer microdose of DMT now, after a long sit. And just sip on the pipe for an hour or so. If you keep having bad trips you can either use mdma to steer the trip in a positive direction (MD goes well with a lot of psycs, but watch out MD is notoriously impure and mixed with shit) or you can look into getting some trip killers. Look up "trip killers". Leo says he finds shrooms hard to handle, as do a lot of other people. It really depends on you and your mind. I've only did shrooms twice and both at low doses.

Also, it's not legal at all, and I'm not allowed to source, but you can get 5meo on empire market on the darknet. Online black market. It really works but you need to know what your doing a little. Educate yourself on how to use it, it's an extremely powerful tool, and it's not as dangerous as you might think. But there are obviously some dangers and things that you can make small mistakes with...but I've had nothing but positive experiences with the darknet. It's my friend ? 

I'll be ordering a gram or 5meo for £200 in the next week or two hopefully, domestic shipping is best. This is by far the most powerful avenue I have. And 5meo is the best. For me, it's the least scary compound. I always experience god-bliss on it. The self knowledge is incredible while on it...it's the perfect chemical. Ticks all the right boxes for me. I prefer it over ever drug (psychedelic and non-psychedelic) <3

Edited April 13, 2020 by Aaron p

[Christer]

I am so happy and I shed tears from your answers. I just want you to know that your answers, all of them, was excactly what I needed. Thank you. It means so much to me <3 

I did not like to hear that Barna, face the dark and let it eat me up, cause I`ve done it several times in waking dreams and its horrible, and there is just layers of layers. In one, fear was a shadow, looking like the classic "Death". It jumped at me, I grapped him and kissed hes mouth. He turned into a beautiful she, and I asked if this was it, if my fear was integrated. Am I done??? She nodded and I woke. But no... And again, nooo. Where is the root...? 

I am not ready for a true trip, and thank you for saying that. Mild dosage I`m feeling ok with. But being in a trip for 6-12 hours is not appealing, thats why the thought of 5meo is feeling good. 

 

"When nothing is pushing you to the fear you just keep procrastinating." This is good. Very good. I`m constantly being pushed to go on my tent trip, alone, into a deep forest. Jesus, just the thought is terrifying. Aliens too. 

I`ve heard a lot about darkweb "det mørke net". I was hoping I not had to use that, but as you are saying Meta-Man, it`s not a well known compund that people are familiar with. "

"I’d recommend gradually upping the dose with something lighter such as psilocybin to begin with. Get ‘comfortable’ with it/master it." - Great. This is good. A peak of about 90 minutes is appealing.

"The weird thing is, I don´t know yet why I had that fear. I would say it has gone away like 70% of it, but I had no idea what it was lol." - I feel the same way. It`s just there. And it comes when you`re ready to face it. I had so much emotional integrsation happen in wake dreams, or in dreams where I was not conscious I was dreaming. My heart is SCREAMING after my Fear just being burned away in one "swoop". I`ve even tried shaktipat to target it. Been thinking about Qigong healing session too.

 

Aaron - It really sounds you`re having a beautiful blast with your pipe after a long sit, haha. Sounds very serene. 12 hours is definately a no-go. I also have a good friend that took it once, and as you`re saying, it was exhausting, crazy and just to long of a mental struggle. I`ll look into those "trip killers". That is super duper to get familiar with!! 

 

You`ve given me more than I hoped for. Thank you all for your love and support <3 

Edited April 13, 2020 by Christer