Stage Yellow and starting college

[John Paul]

I am wondering if going to college will be a good way to get me to stage yellow. I feel like a post isn’t enough and that I need life coaching but I can’t afford Leo and don’t know one person to put that much faith in for a second opinion.

 

I am 24 years old. I graduated high school when I was 18. I had motivation/laziness/concentration issues, self-esteem issues, issues with authority and structure and challenge (masculinity), had a spirit of rebellion/anarchy, and frequent (varying intensity) “negative”, “toxic” emotions. Some amount of these things are still in my psyche, I don’t know how much. I went to college for one semester (I think it was right after high school but I can’t clearly remember ?) and I dropped out during that first semester. 

 

My first jumps into stage green were Bernie Sanders, followed by dogmatic veganism, thinking about healthy eating. I went through many phases of addictions, trying to escape my emotional baggage. Two years ago I was introduced to what I’d judge as a good therapist. She taught me where my anger had been coming from and helped me be more honest with myself and start healing at a faster rate. I really appreciated her support. Her help, a little traveling, and then Leo’s spiral dynamics series (blue-turquoise) opened my eyes a little more to the beauty of feminism. After I returned home I think I was in stage orange/green. 

 

BTW I live on Oahu (Hawaii) and I was born here. Although I’ve done a good amount of traveling through the US as a kid with family, lived in Dallas for 6 months and travelled in Japan for almost 3 months, I think that more traveling is going to be a necessary step toward tier 2 in my development. I just don’t see it as the next step right now because of intuition and coronavirus. But I don’t know, I’m here for advice.

 

Last December I quit my full time job and have been hanging out with people, doing yoga (very good), crashing at a friend’s houses, reading books from the book list, going through waves of health/splurging (splurging on food, I’m drug and alcohol free besides weed and the most popular psychedelics mostly LSD), using psychedelics (BIG healing), and dating a bit (a girl and I are falling in love now which makes my life feel even more chaotic). And I feel like I’ve really made it to stage green especially with reading the dating books, looking at what sex addiction is coming from, and attempting to heal or integrate my masculinity and femininity.... I love women and masculinity more and more.

 

I love my life but I’m over it. I’m tired of judging leaders and therefore not becoming one. I’m tired of my ego telling myself that I’m turquoise but trying to cheat completely past yellow. I’ve released a lot of the past and I want to contribute to society, human development, and be a leader and/or a creator in my life. I also want to get more in touch with my artist.

 

I moved into a mountain a couple weeks ago and have been staying in a tent in between staying at friend’s houses. My eating seems to fluctuate a lot. I’ve lost a lot of weight from detoxing/fasting and people notice and say things (I don’t feel like this is an issue besides using health as a distraction and it throwing me off balance/direction). I don’t use the vegan label or feminist label or any political ideology label. I am trying to identify with nothing but Love or Nothing. I’ve been dating and having conflicting thoughts about sexual freedom, addiction, dating/labels, yoga/tantra, energy, sexual cleansing/celibacy etc. I barely work, less than 8 hours a week on average and I don’t feel pulled in any direction besides maybe stumbling on purpose into some psychedelic shaman and pursue that as a path for some years/time.

 

Do I need a structured path? As somebody who is dealing with confusion/low productivity in stage green but also taking psychedelics and contemplating a little throughout my days my reality is making me more confused. Self-esteem, depression, and laziness are coming up and even anxiety is showing its face which it hasn’t for a while. I need advice and support. College? Trade/massage/cooking school? Focus on finding life purpose (seems obvious)? Keep reading the tier two books from the book list and taking psychedelics and don’t add time consuming activities (I’m planning to do this no matter what direction I go as long as it’s still working)? Should I just throw out the model since that’s all it is and focus on being more present by minimizing my lifestyle and meditating more? Please dear angels and magical people! I need your different perspectives and experiences and am open to answering more questions. I may already be in stage yellow and just functioning very “low” and just missing my life purpose... I just feel lost. Please help.

 

Thank you

[Leo Gura]

What is it you want out of life?

We can't answer that for you. College is not going to solve any of your existential challenges.

[Girzo]

Hey, we seem similar.

I am currently going to college studying management, because I have come to conclusion that I want to help build conscious organizations as my life purpose. The quality of knowledge delivered at the university is mediocre at best. I am getting way more from doing my own reading, devouring books about systems thinking or nature and science.

I wouldn't go to college if I had to pay for it. I am only there because of the extra benefits.

I hope you will find your way soon.

I remember once asking on a psychedelic trip what am I supposed to do in life. The answer was that it's completely unimportant whether I become this or that. The important thing is to keep doing your yoga, pursuing the truth, the rest doesn't matter. Then I had asked, what about psychedelics, are they a part of the spiritual path. The answer was "you tell me" said with a sly smile. 

So, ask yourself, whether sober or in a psychedelic state, what is it that you should really focus on in life. I suspect your answer will be similar to mine, that is "keep doing your yoga".

Edited April 12, 2020 by Girzo

[diamondpenguin]

Honestly. For me if I could do anything in the world. It would be making nature documentaries. Or be a wildlife photographer.

[diamondpenguin]

Honestly John. Go with whatever your heart desires you to do. The rational mind will probably send you in answer less circles. 

Edited April 12, 2020 by diamondpenguin

[Cocolove]

22 hours ago, Girzo said:

I remember once asking on a psychedelic trip what am I supposed to do in life. The answer was that it's completely unimportant whether I become this or that. The important thing is to keep doing your yoga, pursuing the truth, the rest doesn't matter.

I GOT THE SAME FUCKING ANSWER. It doesn't matter which direction you go, but how you do it, and inner evolution.

[Commodent]

@Girzo @Cocolove Same.

When I asked the same question it really just seemed absurd to me. There's only existence and that's what I came here to this Earth to experience. I'm already there. So I choose to align myself with Existence, and the rest may simply spring out of that.

I also wrote down meditation and yoga as a side note right next to it.

[Cocolove]

Just now, Commodent said:

@Girzo @Cocolove Same.

When I asked the same question it really just seemed absurd to me. There's only existence and that's what I came here to this Earth to experience. I'm already there. So I choose to align myself with Existence, and the rest may simply spring out of that.

I also wrote down meditation and yoga as a side note right next to it.

beautiful

[Girzo]

I have been suspecting that everyone gets the same message. 

Is there someone who has got a different answer to that question on a psychedelic?

[Eva Ferguson]

Really, you have to understand what you want from life. It's just so hard to give any advice. Maybe college can make things worse.