Looking for sources about victim mindset especially and neuroticism?

[Pilgrimage of Self]

Hey guys, after watching Leo's videos about neuroticism and victim mindset and doing the exercises and analyzing what is wrong with my life, I concluded that I have a huge problem with having a victim mindset and neuroticism in general. Even though I am aware that I am %100 responsible for all the things in my life and how my life unfolds... in daily life, (even though I have many healthy habits like meditation,daily reading,exercise,visualization,concentration, journaling) I basically never leave my house... dont have a job..never have (im 27).. have very few friends... have a compulsive need for comfort and to be comfortable.. have lots of fears that really limit my life, have recurring defeating thoughts like that I would "fail to do even the simplest of things and chores  because I am stupid and a failure"and I avoid negative emotions like crazy... deduced the core reason for nearly all of my neurosis to  basically trying to avoid negative emotions... dont know why. Maybe because I have a belief that "I dont know what to do with these "bad emotions"" or " I cant handle them" which becomes a  self fulfilling prophechy of course because if you have these beliefs you are subconsciously gonna avoid the "bad feelings" and even when they arise because of this defeatist attitude, how am I gonna learn how to deal with them right? So.. I could really use some sources,videos, books on how to overcome this problem.

 

Anyway, sorry for the really messy post. TLDR: guy with victim mentality, lots of neurosis and disfunctional life looking to get rid of them. Could use videos,books, any kind of sources on this. Thank you

[ElenaO]

I have no resources per se, but just a suggestion to feel those emotions no matter how scary they may seem. Muster some courage and face them little by little. I know it's not easy. I am on this path myself. 
But the emotions won't hurt you, feeling them won't hurt you. Just let them come your way. And then they'll pass. 

I also do breathwork on a regular basis, which helps with releasing some of the emotions. 

[PenguinPablo]

Hey man! First off, beautiful name. You made that name for a reason.  I think in part you can try to deal with the emotions by meditating and what not. I will say one thing, ever since I decide to become a problem solver, solution-oriented person shit has gotten a lot easier. Rather than "healing" myself, I've focused on the immediate problems I have on hand and committing to fixing them 100% immediately with the least aversion I am capable at that very moment. I'm unsure what they would be for you, but for me they include: 

-MASSIVE contempt and aversion towards university. That has caused me to fall really behind and even fail an entire semester, take breaks, etc... and my mindset of resistance caused this shit. Would have been easier if I just got the thing done and STFU. Would have been finished a year ago as a matter of fact. 

-Another one is dating... I'm very idealistic and so I have notions about how things should be blah blah blah, so maybe I rationalize a lot. Probably the same thing that caused me to fall behind with school. But the truth is, if I again STFU and just did the fucking thing that Zan Perrion said or RSD Tyler than I could have gotten this shit taken care of 2 years ago rather than doubting the entire thing entirely and dabbling. 

 

Things like this have been my issue. Does it relate to you? Maybe not... But here's what I learned! YOU NEED TO FUCKING TRUST YOURSELF. DO YOU KNOW WHY PEOPLE LISTEN TO LEO, SADGHURU, TONY ROBBINS? BECAUSE THEY SPEAK WITH CONVICTION! So... people readily line up to follow people like this since it helps them take care of the uncertainty and fear. To follow someone who appears to be an authority. Human nature. However, the best person to give that authority to is yourself. You've been in your body for 27 years man. Stop letting those emotions toss you around. You are the best authority over your life. Not Leo, not me, not Sadghuru or anyone else. If you give yourself full authority, then over time your emotions will follow your lead.

Definitely not a bad idea to have a mentor in a specific areas if it helps build a certain skill set but when it comes to you personally, you are the best authority and if I were you I WOULD LISTEN TO HIM.

Edited April 10, 2020 by PenguinPablo

[Pilgrimage of Self]

@PenguinPablo thank you for the awesome response. A big part of my problem is also (part of the compulsive comfort need) is to try and find easy ways/solutions to fix shit. Sure working smart is important but the bottom line is you gotta do the work.  So, just shutting the fuck up and buckling down and doing the work may not be the fancy or easy option... but it is the sure fire way to deal with them.  Courage, hard work, discipline and ability to overcome resistance/prioritizing growth. With these things in place..success is inevitable imo.  They are hard as hell to cultivate but goddamn they are so powerful.

Edited April 10, 2020 by Pilgrimage of Self

[PenguinPablo]

@Pilgrimage of Self consider what the cost of you trying to find the "easy" way has been over the years. I'm 24 and that for me is ALL I need to know.  How many more years are you willing to squander giving yourself with the illusion of doing or progress. (I don't mean that in a nondual way LMAO) Where has that gotten you? All those "habits" are good, but none seem to be "real" world things which is making me think you're just using them to shield you from the thing, without actually doing it, yet this perpetuates the neurosis since you're constantly avoiding it in reality. (This is pretty much how I see it myself. I don't even say it with self-hate. But quite simply pragmatically speaking trying to be honest and figure out what the best option is)

I heard one thing about a guy that is very "executing" that has NEVER meditated before. His presence has been described as like a 10-year meditator. Why is that? When we get real and deal with the thing immediately instead of putting it off, the thoughts won't fester in your mind. If you are neurotic and just meditate, it can be like taking an anxiety pill or beer for relaxation, but you will feel like shit later anyway since the problem is still there. 

 

keep meditating, but remember that putting things off is a defilement in Buddhism, antithesis of enlightenment  basically

 

32 minutes ago, Pilgrimage of Self said:

@PenguinPablo Sure working smart is important but the bottom line is you gotta do the work.  

That's exactly what I was trying to say in my passionate, semi-coherent rant.

das it peac

Edited April 10, 2020 by PenguinPablo