An Experience of Infinite Universal Love. April 5th 2020

[nexusoflife]

@Haumea2018 Exactly. Thank you for emphasizing that this process of spiritual awakening is also psychological. I feel like many people can become imbalanced as this is so often looked over. Also in my life experience I have done a lot of shadow work over the past few years and I can say that in order for one to come into the highest expression of their being that all of their shadows and demons will have to rise up to the surface to be expunged from ones being. However we always have a choice in how this process of purification can happen. We can either resist the process, resist the black goo and demons that are coming out of us and thusly experience several dark nights of the soul or we can embrace the process and fully accept it 100% and dance with the unfolding and growth of our being and thusly have a positive experience even when shadow work is difficult. We always have a choice. 

[Ar_Senses]

@nexusoflife Great post! Very inspiring, thank you! ?

 

Which techniques you’ve used to do the Shadow Work?

Can you please elaborate on it a little bit?

Thank you very much! One day I’ll be able to also say to you that I Love you, because we are One ❤️

[nexusoflife]

@Consilience Thank you for replying to me on my previous post about my journey. There was something about what you said that really resonated with the core of my being. And I feel that it was one of the catalysts that  spurred me into truly diving into what Love actually is. I finally understand what you were saying to me. I feel changed by this experience on such a deep level. There's ups and downs on the path for sure and for a few months I have been really purging out shadows and limiting beliefs. It really is magical how this experience of mine came at the exact perfect timing for you on your journey, a powerful synchronicity for sure! It's All Infinite Love. Thanks again for helping me to dive into the Infinite Love of existence. Were all helping each other on our journey here!

[nexusoflife]

@Empty Thank you for taking the time to read. I appreciate it! 

[nexusoflife]

@Ar_Senses

Thank you for reading it! As far as the shadow work techniques I've done so far there have been very many but I will list the ones which have been most beneficial to me. Positive and negative visualization, Journaling, taking psychedelics with the intention working through shadows and dreaming to an extent have been the most beneficial tools for shadow work I have used.

I use positive and negative visualizations in my meditations in order to reach the deepest and darkest depths of my psyche and delve deeply into neuroses and bring up things that are quite painful to the surface. This can be quite difficult because it can lead to emotional fatigue as the exact emotions of whatever arises are brought up and depending on the experience it can be quite unpleasant but very powerful because it basically puts it in your face and you can’t run away from it or logic yourself out of it.

I have kept several journals over the past 3 years and I use them to write down all of the thoughts that come up in my mind and to document my journey to see how far I have come thus far in my awakening. For me it has helped immensely to write what I might be working through and to better process any and all inner demons that I intentionally bring up to the surface.

Taking psychedelics is another powerful way to get to the root belief that most shadows are founded upon and uproot them swiftly. I am very sensitive to them and so a little bit of a substance goes a long way for me. I have seen demons, black voids, and many things that most people would label as a bad trip but all of my trip experiences have been overwhelmingly positive because I always completely let go and let the substance show me exactly what it is I need to see for my highest growth and development.

Lastly keeping a dream journal has helped me to see the patterns which recur in the various dreams I have every night. Once one can see these patterns they can quickly find the root of shadows and work through them in a way that harmonious. In my opinion combining this with lucid dreaming this has been the most tranquil way of working through shadows, however it’s not the most reliable for me because I am not the most experienced lucid dreamer.

[bejapuskas]

@nexusoflife I am glad you got there, so glad  Welcome home  

The singer is You and the guy behind the glass is mind:

 

[nexusoflife]

@bejapuskas Haha that was funny. Mind doesn't want to accept reality but the self always knows the Truth even if its buried.

[bejapuskas]

@nexusoflife  Or maybe it just wants to make sure Self-discovery is *really* your path  Who knows...

[Loving Radiance]

@nexusoflife  I weeped as you pointed to love and suffering. That hits hard home.

I wonder, was there a phase in your life where you felt every moment how you refuse to align with love even though you knew it would be the thing to self-love and to be guided by intuition?

Love this

Edited April 11, 2020 by Loving Radiance

[lostmedstudent]

On 4/11/2020 at 0:31 AM, nexusoflife said:

I use positive and negative visualizations in my meditations in order to reach the deepest and darkest depths of my psyche and delve deeply into neuroses and bring up things that are quite painful to the surface. This can be quite difficult because it can lead to emotional fatigue as the exact emotions of whatever arises are brought up and depending on the experience it can be quite unpleasant but very powerful because it basically puts it in your face and you can’t run away from it or logic yourself out of it.

@nexusoflife

first of fall, thank you so much for sharing your experience. 

i was wondering if you could expand a bit on the positive and negative visualisation exercises you do?

i am looking to bring up fear and trauma in my meditation as well, as i feel like i wont be able to handle it during a psychedelics trip yet if the fear of death comes up.

thanks

[Nahm]

@nexusoflife Yes! ? Welcome home “man”. 

[nexusoflife]

@Loving Radiance That is a brilliant question. I wouldn't label it as a particular phase but a way of thinking. In my experience anytime I find myself enamored in survival concerns I immediately shrink down and compress into an ego. There is a clouding of my perception and subsequently a turning away from love. Over the past 3 or 4 years I have had many opportunities to bring this up and work through it as it all boils down to fear based belief systems causing superfluous ego identification. In truth the the most direct and joyful way to live in Love is to be guided by intuition. Something that I have only come to understand recently is that the soul is always guiding us at every second of our existence, all we have to do is quiet the mind so we can hear what the heart feels is best to do in this life and once we come into alignment with that we can then live from a place of ever present intuitive guidance from the soul.

[nexusoflife]

@lostmedstudent Positive and negative visualization can go very deep and can be very powerful when used consistently. Before I started using psychedelics for my development this was my most used tool for shadow work. Essentially I treat it as a meditation, usually between 30 minutes to an hour. The primary difference is that I choose a theme of myself to explore. For example if I had a fear regarding something whatever it may be I would visualize the absolute worst thing that could possibly happen in relation to that fear happening. I would basically visualize the absolute darkest and lowest point I could regarding that fear and just sit there with all of the images that the mind brings up. If you go deep enough this can be terrifying. However I will then switch to positive visualization in relation to the particular fear. I will visualize the most beautiful, liberating and loving things I possibly can about whatever it is i'm focusing on. If you go deep enough you can come to intense bliss. As I reach the absolute most beautiful, and heavenly visualizations I possibly can in relation to overcoming and working through that fear I just sit there with it. I will sit there in both the positive and negative states until I feel I am ready to switch. I do this process of cycling between positive and negative until I am completely ok with whatever comes up. I do it until the images of heaven and hell no longer move me. And once i'm ok with everything that arises then I bring the visualization to a close. It took me a while to get used to it but it has helped me to clear up a lot of my shadows.

Regarding psychedelics, I have "died", (had the experience of ego death) a few times in deep psychedelic trips and I just want to let you know that those experiences are only scary if you hold on to something. If you truly let go and are ok with being totally annihilated you'll instantly be plunged into a sea of bliss and infinite beauty. You will feel freedom and awe beyond words. That is how my deeper trips have been. This may sound crazy but these substances and the experiences they produce have a kind of "intelligence" to them. They will look out for you if you respect them. If you take them with the purpose of inner development they will know that, and they will show you exactly what you need for your highest growth and development in life. As long as you let go and know that it is all always ok, you will be fine. 

[nexusoflife]

@Nahm Thank you. It feels better than I could have ever imagined.

[Nahm]

@nexusoflife God damn right it does. 

[bejapuskas]

8 hours ago, nexusoflife said:

Regarding psychedelics, I have "died", (had the experience of ego death) a few times in deep psychedelic trips and I just want to let you know that those experiences are only scary if you hold on to something. If you truly let go and are ok with being totally annihilated you'll instantly be plunged into a sea of bliss and infinite beauty. You will feel freedom and awe beyond words. That is how my deeper trips have been. This may sound crazy but these substances and the experiences they produce have a kind of "intelligence" to them. They will look out for you if you respect them. If you take them with the purpose of inner development they will know that, and they will show you exactly what you need for your highest growth and development in life. As long as you let go and know that it is all always ok, you will be fine. 

@nexusoflife  Could you give us an example of this?  

[lostmedstudent]

13 hours ago, nexusoflife said:

I just want to let you know that those experiences are only scary if you hold on to something. If you truly let go and are ok with being totally annihilated you'll instantly be plunged into a sea of bliss and infinite

@nexusoflife Thank you for explaining the positive and negative visualizations.  I will give it a try

and my psychedelic experiences have been challenging exactly for the reason that « i » dont want to annihilate. I have had fear during and months afterwards from the experience because i couldnt let go. 

After watching Leo’s video on fear, i realized theres only 1 way: to confront it. However, the fear of death doesnt come up that easily, meaning that i was only truly able to confront in during trips, or sporadic panick attacks. But i cannot predict when will the panick attack come up, and usually the fear was too intense for me to contemplate. So i wonder what could be a middle ground? I think the visualization sounds great, i will work on my concentation and try to go deep with the visualization.  Or maybe i should just keep doing full-on confronting with psychedelics?

do you have any advice on this one ?

[nexusoflife]

@bejapuskas Alright, for example on one of my most profound experiences with psilocybin mushrooms I went into the trip feeling that I had fully let go of my personal desires and would let the substance take over. However early on in the trip as my conscious awareness began to leave this physical realm I was still holding onto the desire for knowledge, the desire to understand, the desire to get something from the experience and bring it back with me. I had so many questions. The psilocybin however quickly taught me how to let go fully by summoning hundreds of demons around me that ripped me apart and ate me piece by piece in the psychedelic realm. It was terrifying to say the least. But quite quickly I accepted that there was nothing that I could do and that I was going to die, and I was ok with that. As soon as this happened the demons were transformed into a sea of infinite bliss. Later in that same trip I visited an infinite library of love and light containing all of the knowledge in the multiverse known as the Akashic Records. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced and I will remember that experience for the rest of my life. So to sum it up I was taught how to truly let go and my appreciation for knowledge was met in this trip; I would have never been able to experience the Akashic Records if I did not give up my grasping desire for knowledge. After this psychedelic experience my life was changed forever.  

Edited April 18, 2020 by nexusoflife

[nexusoflife]

@lostmedstudent Take it slow there is no rush. Shadow work is a long process that takes years. It took me 2 years with no days off, of working through my shadows to finally be free of most of them. The few shadows that remain are minuscule compared to what they once were years ago. This progress in shadow work is after 4 years of dedicated nondual practice and daily 1 hour meditations. So basically 6 years total of self work so far. This stuff goes so deep that when we do work through our shadows and overcome our limiting beliefs I truly believe that we change on a molecular level in our DNA. Pacing yourself and knowing how deep you are ready to go and how deep you are willing to go can serve you very well in this process. Work with it, all of creation is infinite intelligence. With that being said sometimes when I have silenced my mind after meditation I will inquire about a fear or shadow and "talk" to it, just to see how I can get to the root of it without demonizing it, just seeing it for what it is. 

As far as  your fear of death is concerned diving headfirst into it with psychedelics might make the fear even bigger because surrendering when you're surrounded by deadly looking psychedelic appearances can be overwhelmingly difficult without the proper preparation. Take it slowly, pace yourself in this. All fear can only occur when we turn away from Love. You are Love. You are Infinity. This might sound weird but the fear of death is the exact same thing as being afraid of infinity; which is the exact same thing as being afraid of what you truly are. I am not sure how deep your psychedelic experiences have been or if you have experienced infinity from nondual experiences but having that experience will change your entire perspective on the concept of death. There really is no such thing as death, just transformation of consciousness. I say this even after experiencing the closest person to me in this life passing away. Its like a bubble popping and the air that was within the bubble merging back into the atmosphere from where it originated. All fear exists in the mind only. The heart knows no fear.

[lostmedstudent]

@nexusoflife i great appreciate your answer for me and others. Reading them really helps. 

Thank you

I have also come to realize that i need to be more patient with myself. I used to think that i "should" trip soon because its been "this many month long" , but thats not the right way to think. My last trip which was 6 months ago, still needs to be fully integrated. I understand to follow more my intuition rather than push anything. Thanks for sharing that it took so 6 years, it put things even more into perspective. you are right, there is no rush

13 hours ago, nexusoflife said:

With that being said sometimes when I have silenced my mind after meditation I will inquire about a fear or shadow and "talk" to it, just to see how I can get to the root of it without demonizing it, just seeing it for what it is. 

I committed myself since last week, that instead of avoiding to feel my panic attacks i will observe it, dismantle it one piece at a time. Yesterday I used the visualization method you mentioned earlier in this thread. Within 30s of setting my mind to contemplating death and fear, this energy and anxiety began to come up on me. My heart began beating really hard and fast, my breath deepening, my face getting sensitive and my heart chakra area sinking. I stayed with the breath and to tried to feel where the fear lies. it turns out i feel it the most in the heart chakra or a little lower. where my stomach was sinking into infinity. I was a bit scared but not a full blown panic attack and i kept breathing, feeling it as it passes. As my heart began to slow down after 1-2min i continued to contemplate how to let go. 

then the cycle of nausea and stomach sinking repeated a few more times in my meditation. i felt a strong urge to purge. like a monster wants to come out of my throat but i didnt. i also felt a strong desire to cry, which i did, but not a lot. I felt like i needed to sob but i couldnt totally bring myself to sob. it was a powerful experience to be able to bring it up like that and i know i can let go more and contemplate more next time. i just need practice. 

14 hours ago, nexusoflife said:

am not sure how deep your psychedelic experiences have been or if you have experienced infinity from nondual experiences

I have not had that many experiences. Never a breakthrough. However, i have had the "initial seeing" during my ayahuasca trip which you can read my trip report below. I was shown absolute consciousness in that trip but i wasnt ready. As i tried to grasp the experience, it brought up a lot of shadows that i have yet to work through, mainly in the form of fear of death and anxiety. 

thank you again

is there any book that helped you doing your shadow works? I only see one in leo's list but he didnt rate it high.