Intuitive Shadow + SD Work + Emotional Mastery + working towards Alpha personality

[Aquarius]

@Dumuzzi I see. Well I do more grounded healing work and psychotherapy sessions for friends or mom. That's just howbI call it lol because I wanna feel professional. What I do really is just share the love. I am a simple person.

I grew hostile towards Christianity recently as I feel they replace your soul souvereignity with an all-controlling angry God. I knew God differently. Or just don't think of God. 

I work on my career and more tangible grounded things. Philosophy and spirituality can go to dangerous levels. I meet my old habits and problems every corner.. my old wounds and mistakes every corner. 

Karma is real.

[Aquarius]

I realised I cannot be so harsh with people just because they made a mistake in the past that cost me a lot. Like, a lot.

Forgiveness leads to better understanding and better relationships. I should leave the past on its place.. in the past. 

I am good where I am. More patience with myself and my mentality should bring me to increased gratitude.

Thanks family for trying to help me. Some of that help was actually helpful with the right  response from me. Some of the stuff I went through was all depending on me, and I got much patience from my family. 

Time to give some of that patience back!

Edited May 25, 2020 by Aquarius

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

@Aquarius You have a great sense of humor. I appreciate that.

I enjoy your sketches, too. Do you plan on doing any more?

[Aquarius]

1 minute ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

 

@Aquarius You have a great sense of humor. I appreciate that.

I enjoy your sketches, too. Do you plan on doing any more?

My art YouTube, yes I will continue that. I was talking about my YouTube where I claimed to be an earth-angel and all that stuff. I wish to see life from a differemt perspective and read more before I open my mouth like that. Bring in real value. 

Thanks for appreciating my art, yes, I will continue doing art. Don't know when.

[Aquarius]

I was watching Leo's bonus content that he gives when you sign up to him. The Dreamkillers one, I really recommend it!

So the first one was fear of failure. And well, I thought no way I'm immune to that. But I realised I wasn't getting anywhere in life because I tried things but later I quit because I felt like the whole thing didn't work out. So I took my YouTube channel and decided that I should create some content instead of just deleting it again. I failed already 2 times in the past in starting it, and I got a pretty decent start now. Okay, it's not perfect and it has too much woowoo and weird wording. It's not what I was trying to do. But I didn't give up and decided to just go with the flow and let me see where this thing leads me. 

So I created some new content recently, and it came out pretty decent. My voice might be a little sleepy because I recorded it at night. I felt like if my mind isn't sabotaging me because it's half asleep, it was more easy to just read the script I wrote.

Enjoy.

 

[Aquarius]

@Fkdel

On 4/12/2020 at 6:18 PM, Fkdel said:

Heey! Whats up ? Hope you are fine

Can you explain your shadow work method pls ?

Hey, so I thought I might elaborate on this a bit..

My shadow work is totally intuitive, but I do have some things I do every time...

First I get my ego in a very vulnerable state. Then I do difficult practices that challenge me. Then I get into a "total power"-state from overcoming the difficulties. And then I let the fire of passion burn away insecurities (my shadow is the Inoccent-shadow, revolving around fear, naivity and disperation, not anger and toxicity as you would expect), and it's a journey of becoming whole again and embracing What Is.

So the process summarized, chronological order:

1. Get ego to be very vulnerable and exposed
2. Bring (mental/emotional) difficulty in your life
3. Overcome difficulty through intuition and insight
4. Let the passionate fire of victory melt away every impurity in your Spirit
5. Aim to embrace entireity / All That Is

I hope this helps you and everyone that follows this thread.

[Aquarius]

I start to realise I'm a Spiral Wizard. Either that, or my Spiral-progress is really scattered through my life-areas, for example..

• Mind is Yellow/Turquise, behavior is Purple-Lower Red
• Thought processes encompass higher knowledge, behavior is instinctive and defensive
• Lifestyle is tribal/mystical, family oriented; Hobbies are revolving around compassion and interconnectedness
• My sexuality is primal/carnal; My emotional connection is divine, universal
• My relationships are "tribal" (not meant literally), "help me and I help you"-mentality-based, trying to find my "tribe"; My relationship with my Self/God is whole
• Spirituality is a mix between spirit worship, ancestor-honoring, totem-honoring and becoming ONE with the You-niverse
• Life purpose is about teaching, sharing; Lifestyle is about commanding respect and order

I will later on explore these life areas in more detail, possibly more facetedly (exploring more facets, each facet in plenty of detail.. )

 

[Aquarius]

I need more order in my life, so I'm going to have a daily routine, for morning, afternoon workings, evening schedule and nightly stuff. This is part of the emotional mastery, being able to stick to something, being strong enough to stick to the plan.

Morning routine (7-12):

• Shower; Skin, hair, nails, teeth care
• Sungazing (starting 20 seconds, adding +5 seconds daily first 2 weeks, +10 after)
• Practicing Self-Love for 1 hour
• Psychic visions
• Biokinesis (eyecolour, hearing, autophagy, nitric-oxide, indium, HGH, height, Tulsi, 5G shield, silver)
• OM chanting meditation (45 minutes)
• Attraction/charm meditation (20 minutes)
• Neville Goddard-style manifestion (15 minutes)

Afternoon work (1-6):

• Protein-rich lunch
• Draw 2 hours (estimated 5-7 artworks)
• Gym routine (fullbody):

1. Cardio: stepper (1000 steps, +100 daily until 8000, hardness lvl: 18-10), bike (10 minutes, +2m until 30m; hardness lvl 7, +1 every 3 days), rope skipping (10 minutes)... and I'm not working on running yet
2. Legs: 3 sets of 20 reps each: calf-raise, inner thigh, outer though, leg push, leg raise, bodyweight push
3. Abs, arms,back: 3 sets of 10 reps each: leg raise in air, arm push, arm pull, shoulder raise, shoulder push, crunches, weight pull type 1, weight pull type 2

• Neville Goddards-style manifestation (15m)

Evening routine (7-10):

• Second and last protein-rich meal, but mainly vegetables
• Reading (spirituality, magick, loa)
• Subliminals
• Exam prep
• Neville Goddard-style manifestation (15m)
• 3 rounds of prayer

And now comes the REAL work..

Night workings! (11-4)

• When I will have a job, I will work these hours, but till then, spiritual work: meditation, contemplative practices, totem animal, astrological soul path and ascension, crystal frequency therapy, animus/anima, making youtube content, writing journal, kundalini yoga

Let's get to work!

 

 

Edited August 18, 2020 by Aquarius

[Aquarius]

About shadow work... I uncovered two core fears yesterday: 

• Fear of getting inner center disturbed / getting punished
• Fear of being "bad"

I think these are typical Innocent archetype fears.

 

The remedy is that..

1. I can be bad if I want to. It's okay to do/think/feel bad things, it's part of human nature.
2. No one can disturb the center, as the center is eternal and unmoved. And the outer layer of peace cannot be disturbed without my will / if I ignore the disturber.

[Bojan V]

Hello from Slovenia!

I hope you are safe and well??.

[Aquarius]

On 5/24/2020 at 0:13 PM, Aquarius said:

@Dumuzzi I see. Well I do more grounded healing work and psychotherapy sessions for friends or mom. That's just howbI call it lol because I wanna feel professional. What I do really is just share the love. I am a simple person.

I grew hostile towards Christianity recently as I feel they replace your soul souvereignity with an all-controlling angry God. I knew God differently. Or just don't think of God. 

I work on my career and more tangible grounded things. Philosophy and spirituality can go to dangerous levels. I meet my old habits and problems every corner.. my old wounds and mistakes every corner. 

Karma is real.

Working with certain demonic entities helped me shed a light on how Abrahamic religions focus on a god I won't name, but the point is that he is a god like other gods, not the ultimate absolute god, as that is everything and everyone. Neither is he the Source, because the Source doesn't have a mind of his/her own, OR said otherwise, we all take part in co-creation through the Source.

In the Old Testament it is clear he is a god of war, of the air and of storms. Didn't really do the research, but Holy Trinity seems a different concept from the war god from the desert. 

My point with all of this is how I called the god of Christianity an angry, all-controlling god out of intuition and experience some while ago, just to later find out I wasn't even wrong. Christian esotericism however has some value, but it's not my cup of tea. Also the religion of Christianity morphed into so many things and evolved into so many other things lately and in general over the course of time, that I cannot even say what it is or what is worships, but everything about it is just a mix of the pagan religions, astrological symbolism and myths, sprinkle that with some true wisdom and a hint of Truth and you got yourself Christianity. I don't condemn it, was just gaining clarity lately. I focus on Hindu philosophy nowadays as there is less drama and hypocrisy on the path of Hinduism. 

 

In other news, I am working towards a career, but I don't neglect spirituality either anymore. I just need to find healthier ways to practice it. 

My career focus is first getting my finals diploma, which requires many hours a day of studying mathematics, literature, anatomy/physiology of the human body and I don't even know??? Sucks failing that exam so many times in the past, but I won't give up so easily. 

If there is a way to something I want, I will find it. I noticed on myself that back in the day I was like, I had an idea ok? The idea was great and achievable. I just sucked at getting information on how to achieve it. So I dreamed about the goal, but I didn't know the journey. And I just dreamed and waited for a miracle to happen. Dreaming doesn't give pragmatic results. You need to combine it with action while you mold your nature to the requirements of society, life, universe... 

Then I'd love to finish a university in either computer engineering or software design. Idk what the options are, but I'm interested in IT so... 

 

Worked through my repetitive negative behavior some. The answer was self-love. And huh, I just remember Leo teaches it in one of his episodes??.. Strange, because I am talking from experience that self-love will solve all your problems. Guess Leo was ahead of me. Great episode, everyone should watch it. 

[Aquarius]

@Bojan V Hello! I hope you are safe too! Take care in these changing times!

 

[Aquarius]

On 5/25/2020 at 0:43 PM, Aquarius said:

I realised I cannot be so harsh with people just because they made a mistake in the past that cost me a lot. Like, a lot.

Ok so this thread is called becoming an alpha for a reason, and an alpha takes no bullshitty approach to people lying to themselves about how much they hurt someone or not. I will try and confront my family very soon, and they need to hear what I got to say. I can't take it that I cannot even answer a phone call without being abused about it. Because that's abuse when you have to tell your fam about every step and move you make. I'm done. So done.

And you know what else I'm done with? This Christian approach to respect-hierarchy, as if I'm a child of someone I cannot have healthy boundaries and expectations from the people my life depends on in the early years. They don't own me just because I came to this world through them. I'm an individual, and an adult now. Someone has to awaken them to the realities of the 21st century!!!

Some of my expectations from parents: understanding, open-mindedness, HONEST kindness, honest and healthy severity & discipline-making in the home, calm collected speech, rationality, emotional maturity, and brutal self-honesty. Probably more but that's kinda my personal business anyway. 

On 5/30/2020 at 0:39 PM, Aquarius said:

 I will continue doing art. Don't know when.

Probably having too much on my plate now. Focusing on career and self-development. I have multiple business ideas which all would take up my time. I would have to work 18 hours a day solid if I wanted everything I am planning. Already got some art video requests coming in that I will have to finish up sometime soon. And general art requests too. I'm kinda overwhelmed. 

On 8/18/2020 at 1:09 AM, Aquarius said:

@Fkdel

Hey, so I thought I might elaborate on this a bit..

My shadow work is totally intuitive, but I do have some things I do every time...

 

..................................

OK, so for a basic shadow work you just talk your heart out either by journaling or by recording your voice. Read it over and over again, or listen to it multiple times and take notes. What do you notice? What would you like to improve? What are your strengths and weaknesses? What is your real motivation in life, the hidden motivator? And so on...

Brutal self-honesty is the only shadow work you'll ever need.

On 8/18/2020 at 1:26 AM, Aquarius said:

I start to realise I'm a Spiral Wizard. Either that, or my Spiral-progress is really scattered through my life-areas, for example..

• Mind is Yellow/Turquise, behavior is Purple-Lower Red
• Thought processes encompass higher knowledge, behavior is instinctive and defensive
• Lifestyle is tribal/mystical, family oriented; Hobbies are revolving around compassion and interconnectedness
• My sexuality is primal/carnal; My emotional connection is divine, universal
• My relationships are "tribal" (not meant literally), "help me and I help you"-mentality-based, trying to find my "tribe"; My relationship with my Self/God is whole
• Spirituality is a mix between spirit worship, ancestor-honoring, totem-honoring and becoming ONE with the You-niverse
• Life purpose is about teaching, sharing; Lifestyle is about commanding respect and order

I will later on explore these life areas in more detail, possibly more facetedly (exploring more facets, each facet in plenty of detail.. )

 

Bullshit, I'm just an unhealthy stage Green individual. 

On 8/18/2020 at 0:02 PM, Aquarius said:

About shadow work... I uncovered two core fears yesterday: 

• Fear of getting inner center disturbed / getting punished
• Fear of being "bad"

I think these are typical Innocent archetype fears.

None of those. A friend helped me realize it was fear of disappointing. It all starts in childhood, wanting to please parents. Then we project it to others in adulthood.

Gaining awareness on the issue helped calm the fear. 

[Aquarius]

1 hour ago, Aquarius said:

Ok so this thread is called becoming an alpha for a reason, and an alpha takes no bullshitty approach to people lying to themselves about how much they hurt someone or not. I will try and confront my family very soon, and they need to hear what I got to say. I can't take it that I cannot even answer a phone call without being abused about it. Because that's abuse when you have to tell your fam about every step and move you make. I'm done. So done.

And you know what else I'm done with? This Christian approach to respect-hierarchy, as if I'm a child of someone I cannot have healthy boundaries and expectations from the people my life depends on in the early years. They don't own me just because I came to this world through them. I'm an individual, and an adult now. Someone has to awaken them to the realities of the 21st century!!!

Probably will use a gentle approach though. I really got fiery right there.  

[Aquarius]

Some shadow-work relating my Christian past, and an apology for people whom I might have offended with my recent posts on the thread.

I'm sorry if sometimes I sound hostile about Christianity. I'm sure there are great Christians out there doing great work. I realize in the end that hatred and dismissal towards it only creates more hatred and dismissal in society, and those are not values I promote as I try to be more loving, kinder and accepting each day. I used to be a Christian and I followed the faith very thoroughly and was a decent human being, so I believe most Christians are the same, if not better.

Maybe working with opposing forces should not be my objective. Yes, might be interesting, might uncover some historical truths, but that's not the main reason people follow Christianity. Also for me, being right is less important than being kind and welcoming. I try to be right, I love truth, but at what cost? I'd rather just keep to myself than offend others.

There is a nice quote in the Bible I actually like. 

Quote

A Time for Everything

3 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

15 Whatever is has already been,
    and what will be has been before;
    and God will call the past to account.

16 And I saw something else under the sun:

In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
    in the place of justice—wickedness was there.

17 I said to myself,

“God will bring into judgment
    both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity,
    a time to judge every deed.”

18 I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. 19 Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath[c]; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. 20 All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. 21 Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”

22 So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?

Footnotes

a. Ecclesiastes 3:11 Or also placed ignorance in the human heart, so that

b. Ecclesiastes 3:15 Or God calls back the past

c. Ecclesiastes 3:19 Or spirit

Beautiful teaching. There is indeed a time for everything. There is a time for truth, and there is a time to be silent. It might not be the right time and place to talk about the experiences I went through while working with opposing forces.

And there is wickedness in judgement. I guess I was wrong about some things. I was thinking in way too simplistic terms about Christianity. I just had a moment of sadness about what some Christian people do. But then I realized, people of all religions can do wicked things. There is no reason to attack a religion that has had so many good benefits in society. Sure, there were mistakes, it has ugly things in its history. but it has a beautiful "heart", the heart of the religion being Jesus. What a great teacher he was...

Edited October 17, 2020 by Aquarius

[Aquarius]

I find it very exciting to study Hinduism! I want to learn everything about it! Maybe even join an ashram .. 

But relating to the SD model, Hinduism is about stage Purple. I'm sure there are stage Blue and Green Hindus too.. stage Blue would be ideal while following Hindu religion. It's what people in the higher statuses are in India, like those working in the media or in the government. Do I need to also study politics to be at a stage Blue spirituality? 

Stage Green when manifesting in Hinduism is all about young women wearing yoga pants and having a spiritual ego. Not always though! Stage Green is all about connection, groups, learning, etc. There are great Quora groups to learn from! 

Stage Turquoise Hinduism would be about universal/cosmic knowledge. Coral would be about implementing it.

At some point I would need to join an ashram. I found one in Romania and one in Germany that I am interested in. The one in Romania is based on some universal religion or sect or idk. They have great books available for free to study before you join them. The one in Germany I only looked at photos, they seem more friendly and are based on Hinduism. 

I will have to work really hard to be both spiritually and financially ready for such living. Joining an ashram is one of my motivations to become financially independent. 

Edited October 17, 2020 by Aquarius

[Aquarius]

I dropped my expectations from my parents. In fact, I have no expectations from anybody other than myself. And that feels more healthy. I didn't even talk with them. I guess I'll just act more maturely until they realize I am an adult. Yes, I'm angry of some parenting mistakes they've made, but now as an adult it's my responsibility to correct my behavioral flaws. So I'll work towards that.

 

Edited October 18, 2020 by Aquarius

[Aquarius]

How I became the "human trash" of society: uncovering past traumas and a flawed upbringing

During my upbringing I was always made to feel like I am someone special who doesn't need to work as hard as others do. This came from the fact that my parents actually believed I was specially gifted, and also the belief that since I am their child, and that means I am the most important thing to them, I will or should be be the most important for society and in other people's eyes. This made them never check up on me because they were so sure I was doing well. Even if I was lazy and did nothing, my parents didn't check up on me and how do I finish my homework. Sometimes I believe that growing up through communism they weren't aware of the fact that this materialism-oriented capitalist world has different expectations from its individuals then it had back then, so I won't be automatically taken care of by society if I somehow fail at life. This made them not teach me how to live in the real world. Because they didn't know how either.

They're all retired, so they had money all the time. They provided to me all my needs, not thinking about the fact that I'll have to work someday. They never taught me that as an adult I will have to work, and that to work I have to have a diploma or the knowledge to survive in capitalism. They didn't know how to survive in capitalism either because my grandparents grew up in communism, so they didn't have any information or experience about the modern world. Mainly because they are so conservative that they don't interact with others outside the family. And that taught me in the early childhood years that making friends is "bad". So I didn't have any information either because I had no friends. I only had my small 4 member family, who didn't teach me anything about being responsible, spoiled me, never taught me to even make a meal for myself, never taught me to clean my room often, in the early years I didn't even know how to dress up alone or even tie my shoelaces (!!!), and they didn't teach me basic manners. And since I was without any friends, I didn't learn social skills either. I was a very neglected child. I remember my family watched television everyday after they finished doing house chores. 

The second generation of my family (parents) is and was always unemployed, the one born through communism.. The first generation (grandparents) had great success in life and expected the same from the second generation, or their children. I don't know why the second generation failed to achieve success. My uncle had great academic success but couldn't apply it to the real world. He was too comfortable and chose comfort continually. He claims he has a mental illness, but I simply believe he is reckless and immature, also irresponsible. But also fails to take care of himself and can not survive in the real world. That's not a mental illness, but serious character flaws. It does appear like mental illness though. So in a sense he deserves to be retired, but it's also a choice. Because if he wanted he could have great success. But he didn't have it. Maybe he didn't know how. Or had no motivation. Or didn't think it was possible for him..

But he gave me advice in my early years and during my teens. I thought the advice was good, but it was coming from someone who had a very unsuccessful past. His advice only made me weak and handicapped like him. For example, I'm physically healthy, more than healthy!, but he convinced me that I should never have a child because I will never be able to take care of him, abortion is traumatic, and poor child will be born handicapped if I decide to get pregnant. And he gave me a lot of advice that were about avoiding things. So that was one of the starting points that led me believe that there is something wrong with me as a person. That I'm somehow unhealthy, and I should avoid things that other normal humans do because I'm not like them, I'm just a handicap, a freak. So I became avoidant. 

I avoided tasks that needed responsibility because I believed I am not able to work them through. Or that I am not deserving to such "high" tasks, that I'm a lower human, a trash, so I should stay away from important tasks because I will only delay the progress of the community. Or that I'm not allowed to do things that are actually healthy and normal, so I avoided a lot of social activities because of that. And after some time people really treated me that way, and I really became a trash of society.

Later on I made good friends that awakened me that I am more than normal. And recently I realized others are not better than me, or more healthy or normal than me. Actually most people came from worse pasts than me, had less talents, less intellect and problem-solving skills... yet they lived a healthier and happier life than me. We are all unique, with some strengths and weaknesses. And some of the weaknesses I was led to believe about myself weren't even true. Sometimes the opposite was true.

Mom married, so she had the comforts of being financially provided. No one expected her to provide financially for herself. No one ever had expectations of her, of any sorts. But anyway.. She had me, the marriage got ruined for whatever reason, maybe physical and emotional abuse from my dad's part. I don't know, they never talk about it. So she divorced and licked her wounds for almost 20 years. But life goes on and in capitalist society no one cares if you have had problems of the sorts, you're just viewed as a handicap if you cannot find a job or maintain yourself. So she lives in the role of the mentally handicapped person. She didn't teach me anything about life. She is too self-absorbed. 

So what's my point with talking bad about my family members, you ask?

I'm just analyzing the situation with a critical mind so I can get to the next point. I don't mean to sound like I hate them, I'm just being as objective as possible, or else I couldn't be radically honest. Some truths are ugly, even if it's about our loved ones. We have to recognize toxic behavior without bullshitting ourselves or minimizing the seriousness of the problem. 

So how did I become irresponsible about my life? 

1. I wasn't taught basic self-maintenance and survival stuff from an early age and I was spoiled
2. I had no friends in my early years from whom I could've learned how to survive in the real world, besides, as a teen, all your needs get taken care of
3. Family being retired and having no experience in capitalism could never teach me about the realities of living in the modern world
4. My uncle made me believe I'm a futile trash. (indirectly of course)
5. My mom still lives in the role of the big child, so she never taught me anything useful. She kinda neglected me actually, and I never got motherly advice about how to be a real woman.
6. Both unemployed since ever, and retired, so never had to worry about financial issues, thus, they couldn't teach me how to make money myself. Or how to get a job. Because they had no experience in the modern world.
7. My grandparents lived through communism, they had no information about how to live in capitalism, because when the country became capitalist they were retired already. So they couldn't teach me about the realities of capitalism either. But they didn't teach my mom either.
8.  All of them are living in an isolated way, because they have an ideology that everyone that is not a family member is a "stranger". Maybe that's a communist value? Or a Christian one? Or just a bad family-level trait? We have no family-friends, and acquaintances are kept at a distance, probably because they are ashamed of having no success in society. They think everyone is a stranger forever (unless they have the same kind of problems of course). So me not being exposed to many adult people early, and this way not having something to learn from or someone as a mentor that is also a healthy adult, I became unable to function in society.
9. I couldn't learn it because there was nohow. The internet doesn't always talk about these things.. or maybe I wasn't even interested in the first place. Because I was taught that if I get a diploma, then I get accepted to university (false! you don't get accepted to university with a high school diploma only, you need to first apply to the university and take a test, which I didn't know in my teens! no one told me, because everyone knew, it was natural.. but I had no friends, so no one talked to me about it), and with the university diploma I automatically get a job (again false, you don't necessarily get a job, and if you get one, it might not even be in that domain! but nobody told me about this!).
10. Nobody in my family knows anything about capitalism or the stage Orange society we live in. They're stuck at a conservative stage Blue. They never taught me anything about money, finances, jobs, relationships, sex, status, work ethic, success principles.. nothing that's a stage Orange value!

I only in the recent years became aware of the importance of Orange values and integrating stage Orange. And this was by seeing my friends evolve and have success out there. I was lucky to have made friends that were actually hard-working and trust-worthy. I also had a 4 year relationship that taught me a loooot. Of course it was toxic from both parts so we had to end it.. but I was very lucky.

And now I'm working on stage Orange integration. It's a bit late for it, I'm already in my early twenties and I have no real success in the real world. This will be a long road...

[Aquarius]

I recommend people not to share their too personal stuff in their journals because that can lead to regrets later (everyone can see these on the internet). I also not recommend sharing business ideas because that can lead to others stealing it. (But business related tips and tricks benefit many, and it isn't a bad idea to share that type of business information in these threads.)

I only share more personal, dramatic information because I want people in the same boat or similar situations to see that it's possible to recover from any toxic or weird situation. You're not alone guys..

I go through the whole process of my shadow work so others can learn. Besides I have nothing to hide. I am an open person, and I cannot be hurt, I'm already too stable for that. But if anyone tries to hurt me based on these informations, they are only hurting themselves because we are all One. And since we are all One, I am hurting my own self through them. But Me, The One, wouldn't do such thing because I don't deserve it. The Big I is infinitely intelligent and it only "punishes" people to give them a life lesson to heal their karma. So in case I might deserve such punshment from Life, bring it on. I accept it.
 

?

[Aquarius]

Last night I contemplated the nature of fear and what safety is. I came to some nice realizations. But during the beginning of the meditation I had some minor hallucinations. Maybe they weren't hallucinations, I'm just very sensitive to all sounds and light/shadows due to massive levels of energy coming in through my crown chakra.

I took a high dose of medication, triple of what I normally have to take at night. I also ate myself sick. I did these because I felt like my third eye was opening to dangerous levels I was not ready for yet. I started sensing and seeing spirits and they very soo beautiful and cool but also eerie and slightly sinister. I couldn't take seeing them yet..

After being overly full and after the minor medicine intoxication my kundalini energy went to the third chakra, and I intuitively knew this would happen that's why I poisoned myself and made myself sick. (!!!!These kinds of solutions come fronexperience with directing the kundalini energy, I don't recommend you do the same unless you know what you are doing!!) So now my energies had "work" to do in the belly area and had to fight he intoxication. I calmed down, got a sense of grounding. I talked with one of my family members to stay with me until I fall asleep. I needed company because I was unstabilized at the moment from the kundalini movements in the body and the sudden third eye awakening.

I was awake for more than 30 hours and also doing serious shadow work. Beside that I drank coffee like mad for days now.. I'm addicted to caffeine and probably should work on developing my energy level stabilization processes, but right now I'm good with coffee..

I couldn't sleep because I have too much on my mind. But I also couldn't sleep because I have tons of motivation to solve those problems. So I am meditating and listening to mantras at night and working on becoming financially independent at daytime. So far it's going well. I just get all these weird effects of not sleeping enough. Medication can help me.

Not sure if I can replace sleep with meditation but I'll try? I can't sleep sometimes not only because my energy levels, but also because I am uncomfortable in the dark. Not necessarily scared of the dark it's just uncomfortable for my physiology.