Intuitive Shadow + SD Work + Emotional Mastery + working towards Alpha personality

[Aquarius]

Shadow work is uglier than I thought.. looking inside myself, fighting demons.. all this kundalini. Offf. I keep scaring people with my aggressive masculine energy. I cannot stop talking today. Blah blah blah.

I made a video. Quickly put on unlisted fml.. I am not shy, I am authentic. My video is so cringy I'm laughing on myself so hard wtfffff what was that stuff with Paris Hilton???  most ppl here dont even know her. I need to work on my charisma. 

Mastery takes time. 

I'm working on myself very hard right now. I have no people around that are so talkative that I am. And it's not normal what I'm doing. Lost my shit on shadow work. Acting like a child again. 

Having awaking all day every day... third day in a row now. Wtf this Libra moon so strong actually ooooofffffff : (((

I dont care if people believe I'm turquoise or not. I dont care guys. Dont care. I dont take myself so seriously.

Anyway I need to work on communication skills, charisma and alpha personality. I hate myself. Why am I like this. <-- see dis is not alpha

I am just writing every thought out for myself because I wanna see how it looks like. Kinda what I did with Spiral video and it was Cringe. I don't care. I'm probably being trolled on.. hmm.. someone having a good laugh. Well at least they feel good. I'm such a clown.

I'm laughing on my own self

 

 

I cannot be taken seriously with this personality

im not like this

this is not me

this is a part of my coping mechanism shadow

people this is not me, it's my shadow

so basically me but something I neglected

And now it came out to play

also kundalini yoga n stuff

 

I need some reflection. I swear this thread will get better. Very huge shadow getting released.

This is my authentic uninhibited SELF

 

@Leo Gura Thank you for the Self Love video. And everything. I will not spam your forum with my stuff. I will post insights every day once here. I will aim for quality. Excuse this mess. IT's just passion. I feel great. And not a single DMT taken because I'm maniac naturally. yeehaw

pardon me.. im passionate 

But I feel healthy. I just am obnoxious, cringe, and very authentic.

I have bad vibes now. By what I mean is people are projecting themselves into me and recognising me as toxic. That's just your reflection inside me guys. You are looking into a mirror. Wake up. 

 

Never in my therapy years with my psychologist did I release this much energy.

Thank you for all the videos Leo. Okay this is the last post I make like this I just wanted to get monkey mind out of the way. I will journal on my physical notebook and share biggest insights here and results with my work. In shorter posts. 

This is the last post. Made in this fashion.

Yes guys this is the real me. I stop now because I don't want unneeded attention.

Nothing to see here. You guys can comment on my cringy video because I will remake it 10 times before posting.

It will be better. There is no mistake. I learn from mistake. So I gain. I never lose, just win. 

Aiming for mastery.

Peace.

[zeroISinfinity]

Hei. You are so God damn cool. 

Edited April 9, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[Aquarius]

50 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

Hei. You are so God damn cool. 

Hey thanks.

[Aquarius]

Okay so today's post in this thread:

Today was productive. I started my spiritual youtube channel. Is something. 

I need to tell you guys that I do not aim to be a teacher. And if I am a teacher, I am a student as well. Going full circle for this one, if anything. I do not aim to lead though. Just to share love and gratitude.

 

Working from 3 perspectives:

The Magician. The Innocent. The Sage.

Strenghtening my aura. 

Tonight I did yoga. Mantra yoga for kundalini.  Did not sleep. I am going to sleep right now. I have to finish something tho.

I am not in the mood to make an artwork. But starting it is the hard stuff. The easy stuff is from first second till finish. It is getting there that is the hardest. Putting butt down on comp.

I will, however, not overwhelm myself. I will finish 1 piece of artwork. Every night before sleep. My life needed structure anyways. And that is for other people. So I learn discipline about stuff I do not like doing.

I might finish more or just half sometimes, depending on work. This is a goal, yes.

Next objective will be maths and romanian. I love romanian, maths is 50% useless because I only use it for calculations but I calculate fast. Business needs calculation. I will post two photos after this thread about some self-calculations. That is today's input.

 

More anger realeased. I start to be healthy. I stopped taking serious psychiatric medication 4 months ago cold turkey. Hahahaha you call that meds, that is candy!  I feel like a new person pff. And I'm saner than ever. One person less suffering in the World. It all starts with yourselves, guys.

I still take meds when releasing kundalini. Instead of taking psychedelics I calm down my naturally psychedelic mind with calming meds. I will change it to breathing and meditation soon. I have more ideas for new stuff to help. Needs research. I can do it, I believe. Belief is key.

 

So art, shower, sleep.

Some music now to boost mood. I value rest and refreshed mind. I will listen to 2 songs then I will go to work (making art).

Posting pics now.

Love and gratitude.

 

[Aquarius]

These are surreal, and NOT realistic calculations. To boost mood and productivity. 

[Raptorsin7]

Wow very impressive. Good luck ?

[Aquarius]

6 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Wow very impressive. Good luck ?

Thanks a lot.

[Zigzag Idiot]

Sounds like you're having all the fun. Go ahead and PM me the uncensored art.

I'm glade you're back around keeping a journal. ?‍♂️?

[Aquarius]

12 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

Sounds like you're having all the fun. Go ahead and PM me the uncensored art.

I'm glade you're back around keeping a journal. ?‍♂️?

Thank you

Working on collaborative mixes with dj's

Working on dance coreography

working on rap

working on spiritual music (i make it)

working on kundalini

working on subliminals

listening to other friends' subliminals

making tons of money with art

collecting character designs

making portfolio

learning for my exam (love romanian! <3)

preparing for psychiatry university

love my life oh fuck yesyesyes

also fuccbuddies and all

missed u man..

 

yup all the fun in the world

Krampusz is my new best friend right now

see you around

[Zigzag Idiot]

@Aquarius  What a free bird! 

I'm happy for you!

You're the light of the World!

Edited April 11, 2020 by Zigzag Idiot
World with an r

[Aquarius]

4 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

@Aquarius  What a free bird! 

I'm happy for you!

You're the light of the World!

You're a nice cool man of the World!

Love and Light.  

[Fkdel]

Heey! Whats up ? Hope you are fine

Can you explain your shadow work method pls ?

[Aquarius]

@Fkdel no idea just going with the intuition

[Aquarius]

Nowadays just working on my career amd healing my family. Discovering hidden talents. Rumours of me in the town after being in the asylum for a month again. 

Life is a game with cruel rules.

[Aquarius]

I'm getting messages from messengers. I am a messenger.

You know what a messenger is?

Yes dudes I'm an earth angel. God always has a message for us.

I think I will focus my YouTube channel on channeled messages,

I wanna work on a book too. Astrology says this month Aquarians get good moneys for writings or communication.

 

I remained an esoteric christian. Satanism wasn't my path. Even Lucifer said so. He works with that kind of stuff. Deceiver... 

This song really talks to me..

 

Also getting rid of tons of toxic friends who keep asking for nudes.

Kinda wanna make a Tool cover oof.. my voice has been very good lately. Must be the throat chakra meditations and sacral clearing.

[Aquarius]

Today was a productive day. I achieved some minor stuff, but lots of them. Still got art stuff pending.

My art business is on hold right now, cause I'm doing self-help, taking care of my self, pampering myself, enjoying myself. The astrals allow me a bit of that sensual pleasures.. 

yet.. I feel like I have no time for anything. I'm also lazy as fuck.

and in the same time, I feel like I got too much free time on my hands. it's weird, really!

I'm reading religious texts. I would not call that stage blue, the stuff I'm reading. Some religious people are stage yellow. rare occurence. Dr. R. C. Sprout for example is a systematic theologian. First time I heard the therm.  I'm reading his book called: Does God Control Everything? It's really good for minor insights, cool stuff in there honestly. A light read.

I drank two coffees but nothing. I am just lazy today, even if it seems I achieved tons of stuff... but those were minor stuff. I am too harsh with myself, but I need it because of my spoiled ego trap where I tend to be too lazy because I feel like I achieved a lot already. 

I think I might spend the rest of the day reading random short stuff. I just feel like letting loose today. 

I did have a serious talk with my family about the way they overdose me with psychiatric meds though. I am no lab rat or tester. I refuse to take this injection in high doses. Not higher than 25mg at least. Paliperidone.. (Xeplion)

Anyone had issues with the medicine called Paliperidone? I only see bad reviews of it on YouTube but for me it helps just I feel I lose my creative vibe.

 

 

I need to remind myself it is only a phase. This shall all pass.

[Aquarius]

Well I had a nasty argument with my family and I got suicidal. An angel guide woke up and sent me an image on how I can look in a few years. That motivated me and shut down all the negative responses of my body to the paliperidone.

The mind and the body are indeed connected in strange ways..

 

I get a lot of hate on this forum. If I was more sensitive I would close my account and leave. But I enjoy being here. I might just ask the mods to close the thread if I got enough hate. I'm still good you guys, keep the hate coming. At least I'm popular hah.

 

Integrating Orange nicely. I visited a friend this Monday and the Orange was obvious. 

My shadow is evil and evil is love (tnx Leo), I am full of infinite LOVE!

 

I will spend the rest of my day reading, texting people, and foruming. 

Grabbing my Kindle just right now!

[Dumuzzi]

Sorry to hear that you are having a tough time of it lately. I hope you will get better and your relationship with your family improves. 

You are indeed full of Infinite Love and you are Love herself.

I haven't followed your story, but I'm guessing you're going through some sort of Kundalini Psychosis right now, correct?

Boy, that's tough, hang in there, you'll get through it eventually.

If I may make a suggestion, playing around with creatures from the lower Astral is perhaps not the best idea in your current condition. They could take advantage of the distress you are experiencing right now. If I were you, I'd stay away from all that occult stuff for now, it can really mess with your mind and that's hardly what you need. 

You need to quieten your mind and find inner peace, which is much harder than it sounds. This can only come from within, outside forces can only give suggestions and advice, your mind is your own and only you can control it.

Anyways, I wanted you to know that you are loved and being looked after. You are never alone, never abandoned, there is always a force that keeps you sane and grounded, if you let it. Surrender to this higher power and let your ego die down and diminish, allow your mind to quieten and emotions to flow out of you. Sending you a big hug and lots of Love!

[Aquarius]

@Dumuzzi Hey! Thanks for the message. I do feel the higher force that is looking after me, and it seems just now that you were the messenger of it.

I do not dabble in occultism anymore. I don't even do tarot readings anymore. I am christian mystic now. I have a youtube channel and a show i called Aquarian Speaks. 

I HAD a kundalini psychosis and the demonic possession were fun but they did take advantage of me, so I cut all connections to the lower astral. I am only open for angelic messages. 

I still have minor ocd thoughts from some though-forms but crying it out helps. 

Thanks again you're a great human being and I can feel your warm energy. Thanks!

Check out my channel if you want to. I am healed now so no worries. You can hear it in the messages I have to people that I'm no longer playing around. The higher forces prefer me going on the christian path as of now. But I'm not a toxic biblethumping christian as Leo calls them lol. I've been through that phase already 10's of years ago..

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCy4jSk40GPMaeboBmyImWeA

 

[Dumuzzi]

29 minutes ago, Aquarius said:

@Dumuzzi Hey! Thanks for the message. I do feel the higher force that is looking after me, and it seems just now that you were the messenger of it.

That is exactly what it felt like. Thanks for the confirmation.

29 minutes ago, Aquarius said:

I do not dabble in occultism anymore. I don't even do tarot readings anymore. I am christian mystic now. I have a youtube channel and a show i called Aquarian Speaks. 

I HAD a kundalini psychosis and the demonic possession were fun but they did take advantage of me, so I cut all connections to the lower astral. I am only open for angelic messages. 

Sounds like you did the right thing...

29 minutes ago, Aquarius said:

I still have minor ocd thoughts from some though-forms but crying it out helps. 

Thanks again you're a great human being and I can feel your warm energy. Thanks!

Really appreciate that. Hug, hug, hug!

29 minutes ago, Aquarius said:

Check out my channel if you want to. I am healed now so no worries. You can hear it in the messages I have to people that I'm no longer playing around. The higher forces prefer me going on the christian path as of now. But I'm not a toxic biblethumping christian as Leo calls them lol. I've been through that phase already 10's of years ago..

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCy4jSk40GPMaeboBmyImWeA

 

Ok, I'll check that out. I also dabble in Channeling from time to time. And like you, started out as a Christian (that was a looong time ago), then became pretty hostile to Christianity, eventually I was gradually led to accept at least the broad strokes of the Christian world view. I am with the Elohim now, but that is a pretty broad concept, it can basically encompass the multitude of higher beings that exist in the realm we call Heaven.