Awakening to Myself as God (Another Mushroom Trip Report)

[StripedGiraffe]

Hey guys. This is basically an unfiltered transcript of some voice notes I took during my 3.2 g Penis Envy Mushroom Trip (Lemon Tek). I had the deepest awakening of my life. Feel free to add some thoughts. Much love!

 

Be careful not to lean against divine states of consciousness. It's more about realizing that I am the divine. There's nothing to lean against. It's about leaning into myself.

Dream is the substance of reality

Remember to stay connected to the divinity of my voice. If I've lost track of that, it's a clear sign that I've lost touch with myself. My voice is a prime pillar of creation. Speaking is one of the most direct forms of manifestation.

I don't even want to take notes. The idea of leaving something for myself is so silly. The beauty is something else. It can't be visualized, it can't be though of, it just is, and it's nothing. It's all just a dream. That's what I am.

Things just are the way they are. I can let go of all of the rules and rigid boundaries and just go with the flow, but also be the creator of all this. I can be my creation while creating at the same time.

Life is a dream with no consequences because the doing and the consequences are one. They are the same. Doing IS the consequence. There's nothing to be afraid of.

There's nothing to be said. It's just astounding. It's surreal. There is no real. This is all a perfect imaginary wonderland, of course.

I was lying on some rocks, looking up at the trees, swaying in the wind. I also had mild visual distortions moving the tree. I realized that there is no difference between the wind moving the trees and my mind moving the trees. At this point I started to understand my present experience as

My entire lifetime itself is a piece of art in all of it's depth. The entire experience is a masterpiece created by an artist so intelligent that there are no words to describe it.

I've noticed this deep longing for love and surrender to myself. The paradox is that the state of longing for surrender is actually part of total surrender. There is no difference between the two because in order to want surrender, you have to surrender to the state of wanting surrender. What. I don't know anything.

There nothing to cling to. There's nothing to try to do. Oh my god, its all just infinite perfection. That's all it is. That's what's happening. It’s an infinite gift to yourself. Oh my god. It's all perfect. It's all love. It’s all healing. This whole game of awakening is so fucking perfect. It's all this perfect fucking game that I just made up for myself cause it's fucking beautiful, just cause I can. I am God, I am Love. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. This is what I am. Oh my God. There is no difference between my heart and the rest of the world. There is no difference between suffering and love, It's all just one thing, It's all fucking - oh my God. I get so caught up in the technicalities of the best way do things or live my life, but no, there is no best way. Just do whatever you want. Whatever you want goes. That's what reality is. Anything you want. Oh my God. Anything you fucking want. Oh my God. What the fuck. What am I gonna do? Oh my God x10. Anything I fucking want. Oh my God x7. It doesn't matter. Nothing fucking matters. Oh my God this is fucking amazing. This is perfect. Infinite perfection. Infinite bliss. It know no end. It knows to bounds. All the barriers to bliss are just fucking bliss in disguise. Oh my God X2. There is no protocol to awakening. This is just what I am. It's all a giant gift for myself. I want to share it so bad. I can't even fucking believe this. I can't take this on. Like this is for me? (started coughing and spitting) so much fucking shame and unworthiness being coughed up. Holy fuck. I can't even… this is all for me? This is all for me? Are you fucking kidding me? This is so fucking amazing. All of the delusion, all of the pain, it's all perfect, it's all for me. I see the sacredness of what you are. Oh man. I'm just creating this infinite beauty for myself. I'm grounded in nothing. Nothing makes this possible. There's nothing that could make this possible OMG. There's nothing that could make this possible. And that's precisely why it is happening. OMG. All of the cold is part of the bliss. All of the discomfort is part of the bliss, part of being. It can't be put into words but its all so amazing. I am creating everything. I don't mean that I'm this human being that can create anything from my human imagination. No, I have absolutely fucking unlimited ability to do anything and I imagined that I was a human being with infinite imagine. I'm a human being because this is exactly what I want to experience and this fucking awesome! It's fucking awesome. OMG. I imagined that I'm a human being. All of this healing is imaginary. It's all a gift for me. I still can't even accept this. I'm struggling so hard to accept this. I get it now but how can I even accept this. What does it even mean to accept this? I guess to take on the responsibility of God. But there an emotional barrier in my chest. Accepting the responsibility myself an infinite creator is a lot… it's scary. Like… what am I gonna do? That's the fucking question.

I keep having epiphanies and then like half an hour later, I'll have another insight that transcends my first epiphany and takes it a layer deeper and there seems to be no end to how deep it goes. There are infinite layers of complexity and beauty.

And now I'm awake in my creation.

Beauty only exists right now and nowhere else because there is nothing else. This is infinite beauty.

So I'm this infinite creator. I can choose to be this human being and identify as this human being. But I can choose to be this human being and be the creator at the same time? Ohhhhhh. Oh that's what this has always been.

I just keep being reminded that surrender is not what I think it is. It's not getting rid of all the opposing forces in your mind. It's being at peace with the opposing forces in your mind - being at peace that I'm not at peace.( Laughed for like fat minute). That's what peace is. That sounds kind of sad, like you're giving up. You are giving up, but there's multiple levels to giving up. Ultimately, giving up can be one of the most beautiful things you can experience because once you give everything up, you're left with what is. It'll always be here.

I also keep being reminded that there's nothing to cling to. There's nothing to grasp. I keep trying to hold on to the rules and boundaries of the universe, but those are just made up, they're all part of this dream I dreamed up. There's nothing real about them.

Is enlightenment just constantly being like this? Or - oh wait, enlightenment doesn’t exist. Enlightenment is just Being. It just is. So fucking cool. I love this. I love everything. I love myself. Every part, every single part. With all of the little things I don’t like, experiencing them is part of the perfection. The give and take of life is part of the beautiful experience. That's part of what love is.

The entire experience of life. That is what Love is. All of it. Every single part of it. It's all one gift. It is Love. It is God.

I'm just trying to breath this truth into my body right now. My breath is an expression of my acceptance and engagement with life. When I am fully accepting life, I can breathe fully and deeply.

There's no wisdom in what I'm saying. The wisdom is in the present moment. It's not what I'm saying that's wise. The wisdom is what actually is. There's not a wise way to be. The wisdom is the Being itself.

The biggest difficult I'm facing right now is the unworthiness. But it's not an unworthiness that has a rational explanation. It's more like. I didn't know something so good could be possible. I didn't know it could be THIS Good. All of the doubts I'm having about this awakening, It's all part of the love, the gift to myself.

There's a deep craving to be totally consumed by love. There's like this deep longing. As God, how the fuck else could I express this? Like… here ya go! Here's your life!

There's no difference between being awake and being asleep. Also, I was awake all along. I was always awake.

This goes infinitely deeper. I can't imagine any limits and any limits I do imagine are imaginary and can be transcended. Absolutely abundant. One big infinite… whatever I want it to be. God is whatever I want it to be because I am God.

I feel like I can always be this conscious but I've chosen not to be this conscious.

There's no problem. At the same time, Problems are a gift. The gift is in overcoming it. The gift is in learning from it. The gift is in the stories you tell yourself. My heart can't even accept this love. Haha, that's part of the gift too. Thank you nature.

Enlightenment is nothing to be believed. It's just what can't be believed. It's just this present moment. That's it. There's nothing more. The present moment is the gift. That's why it's called the present. The present…the gift. It's the same thing. There's nothing outside of the present moment. Right here, right now, that's where all of the magic is. That's where all the love is. Enlightenment is like realizing you've always been enlightened.

Reality is anything that we want it to be. Whatever we focus on becomes reality, whatever we choose becomes reality. If I were to stare at a rock, the experience of that rock would become reality. The rock, itself, doesn't really exist, only the experience of that rock that's real. That's what the real is… the experience itself.

Rule number 1 of being God: all of your limitations are imaginary.

My ideas about myself as an infinite creator and to this infinite and this magical experience of perfection are all delusional, of course. But also, the ideas that we are not infinite creators of that reality is not perfect are also delusional! Choose your delusions wisely lol.

It's all too good to be true. I want to shar this so bad. Even the process of wanting to share it and sharing it is part of the perfection, part of this gift. And if you're trying to catch this elusive gift, you’ve already caught it! You caught it. There's nothing to catch. The whole thing is just a gift. Its right now. It doesn't get any deeper than that. Right now is the gift.

Enlightenment will never go away. It's just what is. There's no such thing as not being in the present moment. If you're not in the present moment, where are you? There's nowhere else to go. There's no escaping this gift. It cannot go away. And it's whatever we imagine it is. The past and the future only exist in our imaginations.

When you imagine something, that thing becomes your present moment. That becomes your reality

The old paradigm was "do the best you can". The new paradigm is "be whatever the fuck you want"

[StripedGiraffe]

@Joshi3 shocking forsure

[ElvisN]

Congratulations! Amazing.

[Heyyyyyy]

Does this last after you've taken the substance? If so, to what degree does it stick over time until you'll need another dosage?

[gswva]

This is a clear and well written post. Right now, all I have is a bunch of understandings on duality, but after reading it from myself, I feel I'm going to let it go as well. Do you mind sharing some guidance? Is enlightenment a temporary or permanent change of perspective? What do we get to keep "after" the experience of self? Will I keep being able to work on all the projects and ideas I have?

Also, all understandings only help scratching the surface of the ego, but I can't go past the stage where some belief like "I need to breath" come to mind. I know that there isn't any biological entity in a physical world that needs oxygen in order to say alive, pure imagination, but it's easier said that done. I only have to let go everything and become pure awareness, is that right? 

[traveler]

Really well explained. I resonate with this. Going to take mushrooms for the first time today, wish me luck. 

[Victor Mgazi]

Awesome! Thanks for sharing ?

[Nahm]

@StripedGiraffe Just infinitely yes. What a delight.  

[zeroISinfinity]

I want to see actual unicorns but so far no Luck. Want to ride one, one day. 

This post made me hungry to Create. Time to rub Taylor Swift(sounds so wrong oh gosh, me is not interesting t.s more fun)

So many devilish ideas.Even if I am absolutelly Everything still have them. 

Edited April 9, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[StripedGiraffe]

8 hours ago, Heyyyyyy said:

Does this last after you've taken the substance? If so, to what degree does it stick over time until you'll need another dosage?

The magic wears off gradually and then I basically return to my normal level consciousness, just with new insights and understanding. Enlightenment doesn't seem to me like it's binary. My intuition tells me enlightenment is Being, and the degree of enlightenment is the degree to which you are aware of Being. And trust me, my ego keeps trying relentlessly to recreate this experience sober and cling to it but there's literally nothing to grab on to. Low levels of consciousness are enlightenment from an enlightened perspective, which seems unhelpful, but it's also true lol. It's kind of mind-bending, yet simple at the same time. Everything is already perfect.

[StripedGiraffe]

6 hours ago, gswva said:

This is a clear and well written post. Right now, all I have is a bunch of understandings on duality, but after reading it from myself, I feel I'm going to let it go as well. Do you mind sharing some guidance? Is enlightenment a temporary or permanent change of perspective? What do we get to keep "after" the experience of self? Will I keep being able to work on all the projects and ideas I have?

Also, all understandings only help scratching the surface of the ego, but I can't go past the stage where some belief like "I need to breath" come to mind. I know that there isn't any biological entity in a physical world that needs oxygen in order to say alive, pure imagination, but it's easier said that done. I only have to let go everything and become pure awareness, is that right? 

@gswva That enlightenment experience, along with my other ones, was temporary. I don't feel enlightened right now yet I know that I am because I understand that every single moment is part of the perfection. Every moment is Absolute Love. However, There's a difference between knowing these truths and being directly conscious of them. My intuition tells me it's possible to sustain that level of consciousness but I don't know for sure. I certainly don't consider myself enlightened (in the traditional sense) because I am not sustaining that level of consciousness. But maybe attaining that state is just an illusion. I don't know. I don't know anything lol. IME, you'll definitely be able to work on your projects and ideas after enlightenment. If anything, your creative capacities will be greatly expanded.

And there's something to be said about surrendering to your thoughts. They are part of the perfection as well, even when it seems like they are taking away from the pureness of being. Thoughts ARE Being. Let yourself breathe. Let yourself think. The thoughts will stop on their own. Don't force it. That doesn't mean don't do practices like meditation and concentration. Just be patient. Hope this helps.

[StripedGiraffe]

3 hours ago, zeroISinfinity said:

I want to see actual unicorns but so far no Luck. Want to ride one, one day. 

This post made me hungry to Create. Time to rub Taylor Swift(sounds so wrong oh gosh, me is not interesting t.s more fun)

So many devilish ideas.Even if I am absolutelly Everything still have them. 

hahaha, love it. For riding unicorns, I recommend lucid dreaming. You can go full God mode and create anything

[StripedGiraffe]

@traveler Sending you good vibes, love, and healing for your trip. Have fun!

[zeroISinfinity]

15 minutes ago, StripedGiraffe said:

hahaha, love it. For riding unicorns, I recommend lucid dreaming. You can go full God mode and create anything

Don't ask me for what I use lucid dreaming. ?

(now officially I lost all chances to be mod here so wanted green zero ? well I can get points that's something too) 

[traveler]

18 minutes ago, StripedGiraffe said:

@traveler Sending you good vibes, love, and healing for your trip. Have fun!

Thank you Brother!

[Nahm]

3 hours ago, zeroISinfinity said:

I want to see actual unicorns but so far no Luck. Want to ride one, one day. 

Just write on your dreamboard, “ice cream cone and some super glue” and watch that mystery manifest right before your eyes. It’ll all come together like magic. You will see. 

@traveler Safe & loving travels my traveling traveler friend. ??

[zeroISinfinity]

@Nahm I am not ready to be parent. Maybe I am.... I can be that unicorn. Exactly. 

Only kid can ride me on my backs hey that's fun(pls God no that guy from photo). 

Edited April 9, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[traveler]

@Nahm ?? Thank you Nahm!