Solo meditation retreat

[Elton]

Hi guys ? I'm posting after a long time on the form hope you all are in good health...

So since April 1st I have been doing this solo meditation retreat and unfortunately I am able to do like only 6 hours on an average daily, mostly doing the do nothing techniques combined with strong determination sitting, vipassana and ana Pana methods.. 

I have had few insights but these are just limited to my personal ego.

I have had a stiff neck and want to believe that it got something to do with my throat chakra opening up as I have been also practicing the practices of kriya yoga from the book kriya secrets revealed. Is my assumption right ? 

Until now no profound experiences as such and I'm beginning to have self doubt about all this ... Am I just wasting time ? Are these hours going to be helpful for me even if I don't experience anything.. the suffering emotions seems to come up a lot.

But in reference to the niti niti method I can't find the I within me and then who is the one that is suffering? Even though I can feel the suffering in the feeling body it is not constant but that doesn't help me to end the suffering either.

Also realizing that all the suffering are based on lies although one book made me realize this but have grasped it And kind of integrating it always asking the question it it true ? 

Hope you guys are making the most of the lock down and this is a blessing for me actually, I have been reading meditating exercising and journalling more and have more peace of mind.

So I'm on day 7 today doing to be doing 6 hours  till I finish 10 days.. I wanted to do 13 hours a day but this is what I can do and when I criticise I Rob myself of my future right .. 

So please feel free to give me advise on some exercises I can do to achieve some profound states or some advice to end suffering except for psychedelics cause I am not ready for them at the moment and thanks for everything every one who have supported me in this journey here I am grateful to each and every one each and every comment..

 

 

 

[Shmurda]

It sounds like you're looking for a transcendent experience e.g "I have had few insights but..." "...and want to believe that..." This kind of thinking is only going to distract you more. Because of what you're doing, your mind must be begging for distraction. If I were you, I would not be using the internet as this gives the mind plenty of distraction to feed on.

The emotional resistance you feel is the progress you're looking for. The mind says "Is this a waste of time?" witness that, don't give up. "I can only sit for 6 hours!" witness, don't give up. "My neck/back/body hurts." witness, don't give up.

It doesn't feel nice or enlightening does it? But what you're witnessing is the insatiable ramblings of the ego-mind, desperately searching for a way to remove itself from the light of your attention. 

When you keep witnessing and keep making your experiences the objects of your attention, you'll eventually notice that all of your mind is objects and objects don't exist! 

What's left is the I. It cannot be found or seen or known. It's simply the only thing that remains once you've seen through the illusion of yourself.

My advice: turn off your internet, try to stop thinking about enlightenment and when your mind says "okay 6 hours we're done..." then sit for seven. Watch the mental gymnastics unfold.

 

[Elton]

@Shmurda thanks for the advice I wish I could do that but I am working from home and cannot avoid work responsibilities at least have to check emails from time to time... but that's a lot for your advice really appreciate it will try doing more hours today.. ?