The Incredible Journey Of Climbing The Mountain So High That The Fall Will Be Arousing Enough To Be Worth It

[Soren Solevad]

Hey, I'm Søren. This is my journey of self-actualization. I hope that it will be of some inspiration to who ever will read it, and I hope also to be replied with some wise perspectives and wisdom from some of you out there. This forum really shows up at a good time for me, as I am currently feeling the need for some guidance with my journey - and also, I was hoping to start a routine of journaling. So here it is, for you and for me!

I'm 20 years old and live in Denmark. I'm working as a 'substitute teacher' on a school , but I am mostly working with a group of kids having trouble socially or with focusing. I'm single and at the moment I'm feeling that I have too many important tasks at hand to invest the time on going much out and to spend the necessary time to become really good with attracting women.

Among my hobbies are martial arts, music, reading, personal development, writing, nature, my home/friends (I started a collective with 5 of my friends on an old farm), learning, gaining and nurturing wisdom, writing and analyzing people's (and my own) behavior.

How I was presented to personal development:

I stumbled upon personal development 'by chance' for about 1-1½ year ago. I was still in school at that time and was really bored about the mundane things we learned - so I searched around on the internet for small convenient, shitty 'magic pills' to improve life. This was when I stumbled upon one of Leo's videos - how to give a  squirting orgasm, haha. I saw it, and thought he was really funny and a great communicator. So I saw another, and another, and by an hour, I was completely hooked by his concepts of self-actualization. I signed up for the newsletter and I've been following dedicatedly ever since. I also began reading other material and look into other sources for personal development - with incredible, completely life transforming results. But with no doubt I find Actualized.org to be the most inspiring thing I've ever gotten into.

My vision for my journey:

My vision of my journey is as the name of the journey suggests: To become spiritual enlightened by climbing the ladder of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Simply, start in the mud, climb the mountain untill I reach the very summit. There is no doubt. I want the disidentification with my ego in order to become conscious being itself.

Things I I've overcome:

I quit smoking and drinking alcohol and unhealthy foods, and now only eat plant-based foods.
I have implemented a habit of exercising daily
I have created structure in my weekly and daily routines
I've kept a habit of meditating for 20 minutes every day for about 6-7 months now. Before that it wasn't very consistent.
I have committed to the path of self-mastery
I have created a succesful collective
I have increased my focus enormously
I have become much more aware of my thougtstream and motivations for my actions
I now take responsibility for everything that comes to my awareness (especially when things go wrong)
I have quit complaining
I quit playing video games.
I have discovered my values and strengths (partially, I guess)
I have in general become much more positive, proactive, productive and confident.

What I'm working on now: 

Increasing my meditation habit to 40 minutes a day.
Achieving a driver's license.
Finding my life purpose(!)
Gathering money to travel for inspiration
Social homeostasis
As I'm not very outgoing at the moment, I don't meet a lot of people I can discuss personal development with. Therefor, as mentioned, this forum comes at a great time for me.

Currently my biggest concern on the journey is finding my life purpose. I am near the end of Leo's course, which has been a great journey of discovery. Also I am dealing with a lot of social homeostasis and resistance from my family, as I have been making a lot of crucial and life transforming changes in behavior the last few months - which they have a difficult time understanding. However, it has been possible to stay with my head above water for now  

A few goals I have for the comming year:
 - Finding my life purpose and begin the pursuit of it.
 - Being more serious about my spiritual endeavours - that means meditating for at least 1hr/day and practice more graditute and mindfulness.
 - Be 100% honest/authentic. No more lies or secrets or things unsaid
 - Visualize for 15min/day

 

This will be it for now. To be honest I am not exactly sure about the directionality of this journal. Wether I write on it daily will probably depend wether I have something to write. I usually keep personal notes about the things I want to accomplish on a weekly and daily basis - and whether they actually got accomplished or not -  in a small journal (physical book), but it would be odd to also write it here. I think this will rather be for information about the bigger challenges and achievement I am presented with on my journey.

I hope to meet great perspectives and mindblowing debates on interesting topics.

Good night, Søren

[Soren Solevad]

On 8/2/2016 at 9:19 PM, Søren Solevad said:

Hey, I'm Søren. This is my journey of self-actualization. I hope that it will be of some inspiration to who ever will read it, and I hope also to be replied with some wise perspectives and wisdom from some of you out there. This forum really shows up at a good time for me, as I am currently feeling the need for some guidance with my journey - and also, I was hoping to start a routine of journaling. So here it is, for you and for me!

I'm 20 years old and live in Denmark. I'm working as a 'substitute teacher' on a school , but I am mostly working with a group of kids having trouble socially or with focusing. I'm single and at the moment I'm feeling that I have too many important tasks at hand to invest the time on going much out and to spend the necessary time to become really good with attracting women.

Among my hobbies are martial arts, music, reading, personal development, writing, nature, my home/friends (I started a collective with 5 of my friends on an old farm), learning, gaining and nurturing wisdom, writing and analyzing people's (and my own) behavior.

How I was presented to personal development:

I stumbled upon personal development 'by chance' for about 1-1½ year ago. I was still in school at that time and was really bored about the mundane things we learned - so I searched around on the internet for small convenient, shitty 'magic pills' to improve life. This was when I stumbled upon one of Leo's videos - how to give a  squirting orgasm, haha. I saw it, and thought he was really funny and a great communicator. So I saw another, and another, and by an hour, I was completely hooked by his concepts of self-actualization. I signed up for the newsletter and I've been following dedicatedly ever since. I also began reading other material and look into other sources for personal development - with incredible, completely life transforming results. But with no doubt I find Actualized.org to be the most inspiring thing I've ever gotten into.

My vision for my journey:

My vision of my journey is as the name of the journey suggests: To become spiritual enlightened by climbing the ladder of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Simply, start in the mud, climb the mountain untill I reach the very summit. There is no doubt. I want the disidentification with my ego in order to become conscious being itself.

Things I I've overcome:

I quit smoking and drinking alcohol and unhealthy foods, and now only eat plant-based foods.
I have implemented a habit of exercising daily
I have created structure in my weekly and daily routines
I've kept a habit of meditating for 20 minutes every day for about 6-7 months now. Before that it wasn't very consistent.
I have committed to the path of self-mastery
I have created a succesful collective
I have increased my focus enormously
I have become much more aware of my thougtstream and motivations for my actions
I now take responsibility for everything that comes to my awareness (especially when things go wrong)
I have quit complaining
I quit playing video games.
I have discovered my values and strengths (partially, I guess)
I have in general become much more positive, proactive, productive and confident.

What I'm working on now: 

Increasing my meditation habit to 40 minutes a day.
Achieving a driver's license.
Finding my life purpose(!)
Gathering money to travel for inspiration
Social homeostasis
As I'm not very outgoing at the moment, I don't meet a lot of people I can discuss personal development with. Therefor, as mentioned, this forum comes at a great time for me.

Currently my biggest concern on the journey is finding my life purpose. I am near the end of Leo's course, which has been a great journey of discovery. Also I am dealing with a lot of social homeostasis and resistance from my family, as I have been making a lot of crucial and life transforming changes in behavior the last few months - which they have a difficult time understanding. However, it has been possible to stay with my head above water for now  

A few goals I have for the comming year:
 - Finding my life purpose and begin the pursuit of it.
 - Being more serious about my spiritual endeavours - that means meditating for at least 1hr/day and practice more graditute and mindfulness.
 - Be 100% honest/authentic. No more lies or secrets or things unsaid
 - Visualize for 15min/day

 

This will be it for now. To be honest I am not exactly sure about the directionality of this journal. Wether I write on it daily will probably depend wether I have something to write. I usually keep personal notes about the things I want to accomplish on a weekly and daily basis - and whether they actually got accomplished or not -  in a small journal (physical book), but it would be odd to also write it here. I think this will rather be for information about the bigger challenges and achievement I am presented with on my journey.

I hope to meet great perspectives and mindblowing debates on interesting topics.

Good night, Søren

Time for an update to my journey! 

The topic is about an incredible journey, that has been going on for about 5 months - and now, it finally payed off: The quest of finding my life purpose!

This has been an incredibly disorienting, confusing, emotionally labouring, demanding, time-consuming, funny, interesting, fascinating, developing and eye-opening journey, and the result litteraly brought me to tears. 

Also, I'll start by mentioning that the journey has, in birds eye view, been really condradictary and ironic: It ended where it started. Full circle, just as Leo suggested it would be (yes, I was using Leo's Life Purpose Course, which I highly recommend everyone struggling with finding their life purpose to look into). 

Basically, my journey began like this: For about 5 years ago (I am 20 now), I was in the darkest time of my life. I was in a huge depression and generally very confused and challenged by a lot of factors. My family was falling apart with, my identity was being whirled into chaos (which was tough as I was already struggling to find myself as most teenagers are eagerly trying to do), and my whole base of security in terms of my social circle was being torn away from me: I was moving to Greenland for a year. I didn't know anyone, I didn't know the country, I didn't speak their language, and all I imagined was this huge, dangerous and primitive iceberg. Anyway, long story short, of course I overcame the struggle, and as it usually is with such events, it is now the part of my life that I look back to with the most pride and appreciation of all. I learned so much from that time, and my identity was of course reversed forever by it. And the thing most important for this particular context, was that I began developing a hobby at that hard time of my life. A mix between a hobby, an artform, and an idea, really. And the idea became stuck in me, and grew bigger and bigger. Like a universe or an imaginary friend that I could always lead my intention to. 

But, as things are, life started happening to me. School became a more serious and demanding aspect of life, and I was whirled back into the mundane, non-spontanious life-cycle of school, homework, bedtime, school ... my hobbies were soon forgotten, my good habits were traded for relaxing videogaming with friends, and whenever I actually did have time for myself, I had became too lazy to do anything creative. And so life went on for 3-4 years. Until my recent 'awakening'. My discovering of Actualized.org. Man, was I excited! A hope of another world! Wisdom given free! I was completely hooked. My life started falling back into place - more than ever before. My results with personal development sky-rocketed quickly, and I developed amazing habits. One of them, the habit of appreciating spending time being creative. Something that I had completely discarded for years. The idea that had been seeded in my head 4 years earlier, and had been mocking me in the back of my head all the time in between, finally got a chance to bloom once again. So I began, though rather fragile. It was like there was an anxiety to touch the subject. To work on it for too long, or to even get started on it. It was too significant, too precious to be dealt with halfheartedly. And also, I didn't have the skills required to fully realize a worthy expression of the idea. So basicly, fear still held me back to jump into the work. Lack of skill and fear that the skill was beyond my reach. It was really putting me down. I wanted to let the idea bloom, but on the other hand, it seemed maybe too idealistic. I should mention now, that I didn't have this insight of the issue back then. What I'm writing now is only possible because I've been analyzing what was really holding me back and why the idea kept comming back to me. 5 months ago I was not at all aware of all this.
  So, with all this doubt, and my recent graduation from school which put the pressure on me to find out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life (+ Leo talking so excitedly about it), I decided to purchase his Life Purpoe Course, and figure this out once and for all. All this was the intro. Now for my experience:

Of course I started out excited and ready to study the shit out of this topic! I was just going to slam through the course like bam-bam-bam, done, life purpose here I come and all would be good. This of course, was not how it went. As I mentioned earlier, it was more like a demanding, confusing, time-consuming, disorienting roller-coaster ride (this is maybe focused too much on the negative side on it - it's also been an amazing journey of discovery). I went through several stages of things I thought I had definitively figured out, later to be proven wrong. Underway I thought that I had maybe found the ting, and I got really hooked into it for some time... but then again, I could easily sense my gut telling me it wasn't quite it. This also happened several times. I decided to double my efforts. Try harder. Do everything more thorough. Spend more time contemplating. It was driving me insane. Nothing original or new came to mind. It seemed like all these answers I was generating were meant to point me to a realization - that it was expected of me... but it just would not come. I was getting near the ending of the course, and was beggining to be rather frustrated - even thinking about (ugh, it's disgusting even to think about this) just 'accepting my lot' and proceed in my current job. Who knows? Maybe I'd get used to working a 9-5 job? If I became good at it, it probably wouldn't be so bad? I mean, many other do it. But of course, my wisdom told me that this was lame. I pushed on with the course. And then something began to fall into pieces. It was near the end of the course.
I was asking myself some questions that really resultet in some very authentic answers, that, after digging them up from my subconscious, really resonated with me - seemed obvious, even. More and more of these realizations happened. Suddently, the insights became interconnected. Patterns started to show - and, incredibly, as Leo foresaw (though I had earlier really startet to doubt), the pattern began to point toward a single answer. As I polished the answer, it became clearer and clearer. In the end, it was not only clear. It was shining like the sun. Radiating, even. It was a complete and true definition of my desire. It was like the deepest truth about me, that now, I was able to articulate.
Emotionally, I was left a wreck. I was in a shock-condition. I went downstairs to hold a break from working, and was looking around me as if realizing the world in its peace for the first time in days. I went to my friend's room (I live with 5 of my friends) and sat down, and told her the news. That I had found out what I wanted to do. That I had found the answer to what I had been spending 5 months trying to generate. That I had found my Life Purpose. This probably sounds like a romantic sort of novel or fairy tale, but really, this is also how it felt to me.
  After telling her, I went outside to walk around in my garden, get some fresh air. As I stepped outside, I began to weep. And so, there I stood, weeping by myself, tears of relief, and happiness. I was astonished by the beauty of clarity. I was high on the realization, that the idea I have had in my mind for 5 years, is of course the seed that I have to develop the skills required to grow and express, in order to share it with the world. With tears running down my cheeks, and a newly erected body, I went back inside, knowing the trajectory of my life.

I am to become a writer.

 

I hope that this can perhaps be of some inspiration to anyone searching for his/her life purpose, not sure what to do in life, or having doubts or fears holding them back from pursuing the part of figuring it out itself. It can be hard to even gather the courage to begin the journey. I also want to add, that since Monday - which is only two days ago, I know - my entire mood has changed. It's like I'm more... integrated. That before Monday, some important piece of me was out of place, even lost. It wasn't a feeling that I was actually aware of. The awareness came when I experienced the unity. I feel more energized, more content, more conscious, even. And really, I feel erect, interconnected and grateful, and my life seems to have more meaning for me to pursue. I feel like I have a mission now.

Thank you for reading along. Untill the next update  - have a blast

 

Søren

Edited February 10, 2016 by Søren Solevad