Enlightenment or Insanity?

[trenton]

I noticed that I often create my suffering as a means of achieving an end goal I want.  The way in which I judged myself the most is that I cause myself fear, anxiety, hatred, and depression for fun because I seem to like making myself suffer while I have a preference to not be the way I am (which creates suffering). 

1. Is it normal to enjoy causing our own suffering?

This situation made me wonder if I was going crazy.  I felt like I was the only one doing this and I struggled to tell if this is related to enlightenment or if it is serious problem.  I am gradually causing myself less suffering.

2. Is it healthy and useful to hurt ourselves to get what we want?

3.  (To moderators) in regard to the first question, I would like more clear guidelines.  Sometimes it is hard to tell if something is enlightenment or abnormal psychology.  People at lower levels of development might find it hard to connect to these radical perspectives and therefore call people at higher levels crazy.  When this distinction of enlightenment vs. Insanity is unclear, is it okay to ask this forum or should I ask a doctor?

Edited April 4, 2020 by trenton
Too long