Why am I so sensitive?

[lifeisagame]

I'm 23-year-old guy who has issues with being overly sensitive. I have a good job, a nice girlfriend, a good family and a good set of friends. But for some reason, I lack self-confidence, have low self-esteem and am generally an overly sensitive person. 

I googled 'overly sensitive' and found 24 signs of an overly sensitive person https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/communication-success/201711/24-signs-highly-sensitive-person  I would say I have most of these on here. 

I cannot figure out why I am like this or how to 'develop a thicker skin' or just toughen up. Externally I have a lot of things going for me and I should have more confidence but other peoples words can really hurt me. Or even if someone speaks to me in a certain way, I feel their stress and take it on as my own.

I've had a speech impediment growing up as a kid and still have a mild stammer. I put myself down a lot in the past due to this and used to think I was inferior to others because of this. Maybe this has something to do with it too. 

Does anyone have any advice for this? Willing to listen to anyone's guidance.

Thanks!

[crab12]

Perhaps you are a natural empath.

[lifeisagame]

@crab12 I have thought this before, but I think some of it is neuroticism too. Being naturally empathetic shouldn't lead to low self-confidence and low self-esteem surely? 

[ls28harry]

I see this as a gift. Some people cannot feel, have no emotions, don't show love, are socially unaware and out of touch with reality. Embrace this enhanced awareness like having a sixth sense. You can choose to see it as good or bad, best not to label it but accept it as you.

If a comment hurts your feelings its not because you are too sensitive but because it has touched a trigger somewhere in your past that you have not dealt with. These present anxious feelings are a sign that inner peace is not present and you have some work to do on this area.

Developing a thicker skin won't help, it will just mask the pain, like drinking lots of alcohol, it's a temporary pain relief.

[Commodent]

Write down all the bad things about yourself and own it.

When you accept yourself as you are no one can take you on anything.

[Nahm]

On 4/2/2020 at 7:48 PM, lifeisagame said:

Or even if someone speaks to me in a certain way, I feel their stress and take it on as my own

Don’t do that anymore. Let it be theirs. See they are creating it. Has nothing to do with you. Unless it does, then just apologize. Do this wether you are empathic or not. 

Spiritually speaking, this is very much a gift. But you’ve got to own that gift, and exercise compassion & understanding for others, rather than mirroring. 

[StarStruck]

Emotionally sensitive people were hurt (most likely by their parents). 

[Elton]

@lifeisagame you can also switch the pendulum to the extreme by not giving a fuck about what people think.

Use affirmation and visualizations for like 3 to 4 months and see if anything changes ..

Of course acceptance and compassion for yourself can be helpful too..

Another good way would be trying enquiry, Google 'the work' and see if that helps you 4 questions that can change your life. 

Most importantly if you think any of this information anybody has given you makes sense or is useful ask your self how will this change your behaviour.

[crab12]

On 4/3/2020 at 10:00 PM, lifeisagame said:

@crab12 I have thought this before, but I think some of it is neuroticism too. Being naturally empathetic shouldn't lead to low self-confidence and low self-esteem surely? 

Sure, it doesn't lead to it by itself, but it makes you more susceptible to low self-esteem. A normal person would only feel slight background anxiety and would probably just ignore it, but the same thing for an empath would cause intolerable suffering and pain and would be impossible to ignore.

[Pilgrimage of Self]

On 06.04.2020 at 11:32 PM, Commodent said:

Write down all the bad things about yourself and own it.

When you accept yourself as you are no one can take you on anything.

Damn...this sounds really powerful! Im gonna do this myself. Thank you.

[Pilgrimage of Self]

I struggle with this also but a few books helped me a lot with this problem;

1) The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz.

(One of the agreements is Don't take anything personally. Another one: Don't make assumptions. These two rules alone should help you a lot imo. But obviously read the book and see why these rules are so important)

2) Feeling Good - Dr. David Burns

There are exceptions of course, but one of THE MOST powerful insights I got from a book I read this year are these;

"When somebody criticizes you or is mean to you.. you are not hurt by THEIR words. You are hurt because their words trigger your OWN automatic negative beliefs and thoughts about yourself ."

"Most of the time you create your emotions through your thoughts. And  your thoughts could be very warped, inaccurate or just plainly ridiculous. Stop believing your thoughts.

Also watch Leo's "How to master and control your emotions" and "How to stop caring what people think of you" episodes.

Edited April 16, 2020 by Pilgrimage of Self