Marriage To Get Security

[jes]

hi ,lets discuss this , is marriage right path to choose for security And PROTECTION , as a female my husband will be my protector ,?he will be my harbor ? and gives me sense of safety ?

[Andre]

There is no right or wrong way to go about things, youre probably examining the alternatives here, for me personally, I want my woman to want me because she wants me. My advice would be to make sure you can take care of yourself and be with someone because he is your best friend

[Mal]

@jes Hey jes, 

This depends on the culture.  In the West I think generally marriage is seen as a partnership.  The aspect of women wanting protection and safety is there in a romantic sense but that's as far as it goes I think.  Women in our culture are quite independent and know they can look after themselves emotionally, financially etc etc.

Maybe it's because we don't have the same family structure as Middle Eastern cultures have.

This might be of use to you when considering answers from here, as any answer will be culturally biased

Mal

[J. M. Wigglesworth]

The concept of marriage is heavily centered on societal stability and protection(more so in older times) so yes, given the right man, marriage is a fine option. I would suggest looking less at the security you can find in a relationship as this can go hand in hand with codependency and in our modern era, unless you live in a rather dangerous area, you're already reasonably secure. Don't forget about the value of chemistry, being able to have fun with him and developing a deep connection.

[jes]

@Andre @Mal @J. M. Wigglesworth Thank you 

[Zane]

Marriage is a big decision to consider but keep in mind that marriage might not guarantee financial security. Please consider other ideas for financial security! Your security is your own responsibility rather than your husband's responsibility. You need to learn self-sufficiency! Some remain stuck in dysfunctional and toxic relationships and marriages for "security" and this creates disastrous consequences! For my life, I will detach myself from a marriage or a family and create my own values, life purpose, my own freedom, and my own security. If you choose to get married, that's your own choice but consider that there are alternatives to be financially secure.

Edited June 26, 2016 by Zane

[ZenMonkey]

Here is another way. I took this quote from one of Jeff Fosters facebook posts. He is a spiritual teacher.

 

Quote

 

LOVE'S DEEPER COMMITMENT

Let's not commit to a future together. The future is so unknown, and we are so fluid, and tired of pretending that we know.

Our thoughts and feelings are ever-changing, uncontrollable, like a wild ocean of love.

Our desires wax and wane; our dreams are born and die in every moment.

Let's not commit to a form of love. The forms are always shifting, like the tides.

We do not need security here. We are not seeking comfort, but Truth.

Let's make a deeper commitment; one that cannot be broken or lost.

To presence. To meeting in the here-and-now.

To bringing all of ourselves. To knowing, and letting ourselves be known.

To telling the truth, today; knowing that our truth may change tomorrow.

To bowing before each other, even if our hearts are broken and tender.

No promises, no guarantees.

Loving takes courage! Yes!

For love is a field, not a form. Let us commit to the field, remember the field in every moment of our precious days on this Earth.

In ten years' time, we may still be together. We may have children. We may live together, or live apart.

We may never see each other again. This may be our last day.

If we are honest, we really do not know; not knowing is our Home.

We may be friends, or lovers, or strangers, or family, or we may remain undefined, beyond narrative, our love unable to be captured in words.

Here at the edge of the known, on the line that once divided sanity from madness, and doubt from certainty, we play, we dance, we drink tea, we touch each other, we cry, we laugh, we meet.

We sacrifice comfort and predictability. But what we gain is astonishing: This tremendous sense of being alive. No longer numb to the mysteries of love, the mysteries of our bodies.

A little raw, perhaps. A little shaky. Maybe a little disoriented, but perhaps this is the price of being totally free.

Maybe an old part of us still seeks mommy or daddy, that Magic Person who will never leave, always be there, take away the loneliness repressed in our guts. Loving that frightened part too; bowing to that part too, but no longer being controlled by it.

And they will ask:
What about your future?
What happens if you have children?
How the hell do you define yourselves?
Why are you afraid of commitment?
Why do you run from security? Comfort? Future?

They will say you are crazy, or you don't understand love, or you are lost, or you are unloving and selfish, and you will smile, and understand their fear, for their fear was once yours, and you cannot abandon your path now.

And nobody has to walk with you. Ever.

At some point, only Truth will satisfy. A living Truth, renewing itself each and every moment, the wild Truth of the open heart.

When Love and Truth are One, when the Commitment is deeply rooted in the breath, we can finally face each other without resentment, and explode into the most melancholy sunsets, held in the most profound joy.

Walking alone, together, alone.

 

- Jeff Foster

[Andre]

@jes I have read some of your posts and I do understand where you're coming from.. in terms of getting financial security, that would be best if you can do it yourself because you are not obligated to abide by your husbands laws or else... I know a woman who has devoted her life to her husband and she left her kids for financial stability, now she doesn't see them and she thinks about them daily, she does not know how they are doing and she doesn't even have a relationship with them. 

[Boss]

Marriage to me has always been about raising a family. To raise a child with good values.

I understand people who dont want children or cant have them also get married. But studies show the children do well when both parents are there for them. 

[jes]

15 hours ago, Zane said:

there are alternatives to be financially secure.

not financial security , I am talking about protection here , safety ? you got my point ?

[jes]

11 hours ago, ZenMonkey said:

Here is another way. I took this quote from one of Jeff Fosters facebook posts. He is a spiritual teacher.

 

- Jeff Foster

 

 

Thank you ,very helpful

[Toby]

In what country exactly do you live?

[jes]

26 minutes ago, Andre said:

@jes I have read some of your posts and I do understand where you're coming from.. in terms of getting financial security, that would be best if you can do it yourself because you are not obligated to abide by your husbands laws or else... I know a woman who has devoted her life to her husband and she left her kids for financial stability, now she doesn't see them and she thinks about them daily, she does not know how they are doing and she doesn't even have a relationship with them. 

 

I am very sorry to hear about this lady , thanks for sharing ,its helpful 

[Key Elements]

@jes

Jes, I'll answer your question accordingly. A husband could be a great team member, very supportive, protects and secures his family, and makes sacrifices for his family. To find an actualized man like this who is also open-minded takes an actualized woman to realize who is this type of man. This combination is rare at the start of a marriage. Usually the couple has to work things out and be non-quitters in the long run.

To have a close family member and/or close friend introduce someone like this to you, that person has to be actualized and very trusted in order to do this. You know what I'm talking about.

[jes]

@Key Elements True , I understood thanks