The Great Way - 3.5g Mushroom Trip Report

[Consilience]

So this trip was very unexpected. I had no reason to trip other than a strong intuitive pull that I had to face a heavy dose of mushrooms I’d felt coming off of my last LSD trip. There was no real intention, just my normal setting: alone in my room.

What started out as an exploration into the nature of time and Eternity transformed into a deep unraveling of my subconscious mind and into the collective consciousness of humanity, the deep intelligence at play with the COVID-19 situation, and along with a collective awakening of humanity.

Themes that emerged:

-       Eternity

-       Collective Fear

-       Deep Intelligence

-       Collective Awakening

-       Existential Trust

 

Eternity

I began by reading the last chapter from the book, “Siddhartha” by Hermann Hesse and by reading the poem, “The Mind of Absolute Trust” by Seng-ts’an. In both texts, the theme of eternity emerged, that in some twisted way all of existence is existing right here in this moment as nothing and this nothing is eternal. Though particular forms are flowing out of this moment, though specific form is this moment, all moments exist within it guiding the transformational process along. It was difficult to accept this reality because it meant that my life as this self was truly over, and that I had to let go of all that I found to be precious. Moreover, this life was never really here at all, but nonetheless this whole time I’d been journeying through lifetime after lifetime, experiencing form in all kinds of ways. I felt how this moment contains within it all possibilities, all possible lives, all possible stories and experience. My life was over before it even had a chance to begin. I shed tears of great sadness.

 

Collective Fear

As the effects continued to build, parts of my mind normally unconscious began to bubble into awareness. It was like peeling back in invisible film hiding my subconscious mind from consciousness. As this process continued, a powerful fear began to emerge. I realized I am scared shitless about the coronavirus… Having type 1 diabetes makes me feel extremely vulnerable and weak; this pandemic has affected me more than I realized.

Yet more interestingly, this process of facing my own fear of death was just the beginning. As the effects continued to compound, my sense of self began to dissolve into what I can only describe as a collective form of consciousness. This is the 3rd time this has happened on a trip, once previously with mushrooms and once on LSD. My mind became the mind of humanity, I started feeling the lives of thousands and while in this state of suspended collectivity, I felt an enormous almost indescribable dread as a result of the coronavirus pandemic. I feel both privileged and traumatized to have experienced what I felt on these mushrooms. I feel like I carry inside of my soul an energetic understanding of the contemporary state of humanity, yet on the other hand, it was a lot man. There is an immense amount of suffering going on in the world and tapping into a fraction of it on this trip definitely left some sort of mark that I’m still trying to integrate and process.

 

Deep Intelligence

As if this collective experience of consciousness wasn’t a hard enough peak, I was still peaking! Eventually, my sense of self dissolved even further into Being, no longer feeling like anyone in particular while feeling like everything at once. I felt a powerful oneness. The fear being experienced didn’t change, yet there was no one to feel suffering anymore. And as this oneness persisted, I remember just face planting a pillow and looking into the void of having no visual field. In this field of emptiness I became conscious of a DEEP intelligence…

I don’t really know how to describe what I experienced other than using the word intelligence. I saw that this coronavirus situation, this entire play of humanity, the entire manifestation of existence was being driven by a divine intelligence. Every little detail was infinitely perfect in its precision and role to the greater oneness. I realized I was none other than this oneness, along with the intelligence which creates, manifests, and propels reality. It was all me.

I was creating everything. Somehow reality was being driven by destiny in the sense that there were 0 mistakes and there was an overwhelming sense of “do not worry, everything is going exactly as planned.” Somehow my life, and the lives of everyone were being directed by forces they were unconscious of; this is what we may call “destiny.” In other words, shit that happens aint random. Yet I also specifically recall understanding that this insight in no way violated free will. I was so intelligent, that I left open the possibility for freedom, intention, and manifestation in the midst of divine destiny. This intelligence was in everything, everywhere, and running the show utterly and completely. It was God.

 

Collective Awakening

Humanity is going through a traumatic growing pain right now. This coronavirus is being created by us, for us, to help us wake up. I saw a vision of vast suffering that would unfold as a result of these events, yet I also saw a beautiful vision of what humanity would become if we embrace our awakening. I’m not sure what the end destination is for this pandemic, but it is the beginning of a new era, a new growth in the timeline of humanity which will result in our eventual, collective awakening. What this awakened species will look like on a societal level, I’m unsure, but the amount of love and light I saw with this vision was truly inspiring.

 

Existential Trust

At the end of my trip, I realized I just have to trust myself. Perhaps this body and self will die of coronavirus, perhaps not, but all is one, and I am one with it all. All lives, all suffering, all deaths, all survivors are playing a role in the orchestration of our evolution. Whatever happens, happens. My job is to trust myself and respond to whatever occurs with grace, acceptance, and love, even if it means dying. That being said, still going to be practicing social distancing and taking every step I can to mitigate my body’s survival and the survival of my community.

Existentially speaking though, the mushrooms left me with a dep sense of self-trust. Yet this trust is an extremely difficult thing to fully integrate because it means embracing all of my external circumstance and suffering as being totally self-derived.

 

Final Thoughts:

I don’t really know when I’ll trip again. It felt like I needed to see what I saw. My last 5 trips in particular have been so powerful, I’m not even sure what other territory there is to cover. It kind of feels like I need a second to catch my breath and just sit with the experiences as a whole. Mushrooms at the beach showing me agape, the LSD letting me traverse the collective regrets of humanity and letting it go, going Super Saiyan on mushrooms, LSD revealing to me the depths of my responsibility, and now this one… Feeling so much pain, but feeling a trust. I don’t even know how to feel about all of this other than extremely fortunate to have received these gifts. But I must admit, there has been a pain associated with having my ego tossed and turned, ripped up, and demolished on these substances. Yes they’ve had beautiful moments, but god damn there have been painful ones too. It’s just a lot.

After my last trip I felt energetically prepared to continue my journeying, as if realizing how I am the creator of my state of reality was the knowledge I needed to continue. After this one, I feel exhausted. I feel… sad even. I trust the Universe, Reality, Myself, but one thing I still haven’t understood throughout any of my journeying has been “why?”

 

Why all the pain? Why all the suffering? Why all the ignorance? Why do I have to say goodbye forever? How many times have I had to let go of the lives I love into the sea of impermanence? It’s all here, all now, but it’s all gone and never was as it is always being I guess.

Who knows, maybe I’ll be ready to trip in another week lol. But something tells me I need to sit with this stuff for awhile. As much as I’ve journaled about it here, I still don’t understand the full dynamics and lessons that these experiences have given. I need more time.

Overall, I take great solace in Seng-ts’an’s opening lines from The Mind of Absolute Trust:

“The great way isn't difficult for those who are unattached to their preferences.

Let go of longing and aversion, and everything will be perfectly clear.”

[Gneh Onebar]

@Consilience  Thx for the great read. You trips remind me more and more of Chris M. Bache's descriptions in his Book 'LSD and the Mind of the Universe'. You have read the book, no? Have you already entered, what he calls the diamand luminosity?

[Consilience]

6 hours ago, Gneh Onebar said:

@Consilience  Thx for the great read. You trips remind me more and more of Chris M. Bache's descriptions in his Book 'LSD and the Mind of the Universe'. You have read the book, no? Have you already entered, what he calls the diamand luminosity?

Thank you

I have yes. Ive never entered into such a state no. Sounds wonderful but my doses arent at his level so Im not sure if Id be able to haha. 

[Nahm]

@Consilience

Not sure how I missed this but man, great read and really nice to resonate with ya on the ‘collective zone’. ??♥️

[traveler]

This was a great read. Reminds me of realisations I've had.

I have a mushroom trip planned next week with my friends. 6 of them. I'm a little skeptic about doing it, because I'm not too comfortable being around people who have no spiritual grounding(I guess you could call it) when tripping. It can get trippy and dark real quickly when in a room with 6 people tripping. Always a possibility for light, not leaving that out.

For people who are susceptible to deep awakening experiences, would a trip with 6 of my non spiritual friends be a good idea? I might just be resisting it, but yea I dont know. I'm 99% sure I'll have an awakening if I touch any psychedelic, as I cant even smoke weed anymore without reality cracking. 

Also to comment on what you wrote in your post: 

I've seen pretty far into how deep this goes, and I know that these experiences can be hard to integrate/handle. Would you agree that the hardest thing to "do" is to surrender to death? It's not even the hardest thing to "do" it seems absolutely impossible. It's like reality as you know it is holding on by a thread of hair. You know the only way out is in, but surrendering to the void is letting go of your security blanket: knowing. 

Edited April 3, 2020 by traveler

[Consilience]

@Nahm Appreciate it man, thank you. Yeah that collective zone is a real trip 

[Consilience]

2 hours ago, traveler said:

This was a great read. Reminds me of realisations I've had.

I have a mushroom trip planned next week with my friends. 6 of them. I'm a little skeptic about doing it, because I'm not too comfortable being around people who have no spiritual grounding(I guess you could call it) when tripping. It can get trippy and dark real quickly when in a room with 6 people tripping. Always a possibility for light, not leaving that out.

For people who are susceptible to deep awakening experiences, would a trip with 6 of my non spiritual friends be a good idea? I might just be resisting it, but yea I dont know. I'm 99% sure I'll have an awakening if I touch any psychedelic, as I cant even smoke weed anymore without reality cracking. 

Well what I can say is that when you're with other people while tripping, you are much more open to receiving they're psychological energy and they are much more open to receiving yours. It ultimately boils down to this: are you trying to use these tools for spirituality or for entertainment? I'd say with 5 vs. 1, they're intentions will overpower yours and will most certainly dominant the direction of your trip, of your experience. If you trust them and are open to this, go for it! If not, don't. 

I'll say this though; take the position that there are no bad trips. Regardless of whether you trip alone, or with your friends, it will be some sort of deep experience worth reflecting on. You'd probably go deeper tripping alone though.
 

2 hours ago, traveler said:

Also to comment on what you wrote in your post: 

I've seen pretty far into how deep this goes, and I know that these experiences can be hard to integrate/handle. Would you agree that the hardest thing to "do" is to surrender to death? It's not even the hardest thing to "do" it seems absolutely impossible. It's like reality as you know it is holding on by a thread of hair. You know the only way out is in, but surrendering to the void is letting go of your security blanket: knowing. 

Yes most definitely. I'm kind of getting to the point where every time I trip I'm coming face to face with my fear of death in some manor. Very rarely do these substances let me off the hook without death crossing my mind. It's because it's becoming so so so obvious how this is THE underlying fear of all my fears. 

You're absolutely right though. All knowing gets shattered... and even as I return to sobriety, the lingering actuality of absolute nothing and meaninglessness is there haha. Along with the fear of death, uncertainty and chaos. But I think that's what I appreciate so much about psychedelics, is that they cut straight to the point if you're open to it. The surrendering is hard.. But surrendering is being in the moment fully, openly, acceptingly, and lovingly. Basically I gotta love my fear of death to death 

[traveler]

@Consilience Thank you, I really appreciate your advice. You're right about the psychological pull from others, I feel that too when I'm on weed. I guess I'll just wait till the day comes and see what I'm feeling.

It looks like meaninglesness and nothing from "the outside." But when your consumed by it, it seemingly reveals its everytingness and love. 

[Nahm]

9 hours ago, Consilience said:

@Nahm Appreciate it man, thank you. Yeah that collective zone is a real trip 

Yes indeed. Not tryin to get all up in your trip biz or anything, but it hit me, a few things you said which might have been hindsight recontextualized in duality, sort of ‘graying’ out some of the meta-insights. Things about responsibility, pain, ignorance, etc, and especially at the collective level. Then you mentioned trust, and responding in grace, acceptance & love...and ultimately pondering that why...  This might be a mute point due to experiential expansion (the ‘we just are where we are’)...but in hopes in might ‘connects some dots’ back ‘here on the ground’...a consideration....trade “responsibility”, for “response-ability”, trust (cognitive) for feeling (visceral guidance). Mind like to weave a past & future into this, and imply ‘responsibility’...but in response-ability, There’s just what is, now, and it is for you.  All is being, whatever ‘that’ is, is too being. So you quite literally can enjoy it all as it is, as you like. You simply can not get “it” wrong, no matter what, because the “it” is being. Love you and hope this finds you in the intention, intended. ♥️ That great way...’this is preferred’ - it is being. ‘This is not preferred’ - it is being. Can. Not. Get. It. Wrong. As there’s no wrong. All is being. Absolutely free. Absolutely. Miracle. Impossible, but Miraculous Beauty - Everywhere, Everything. Zero is Infinity. ? Ok done now. 

[Arzack]

That's just a recreational dose, by taking it you're no different than people meditating X hours a day, thinking that it will be enough to gain any spiritual evolution. It's actually harder than that (for the necessity of a light/dark balance to create a "coherent/reasonable" reality), check my signature for more info.

Edited April 3, 2020 by Arzack

[traveler]

@Nahm That's pure love, thank you. Not intended for Traveler, but your words are of deep wisdom. I appreciate you man. 

[Consilience]

@Nahm Nah you arent up in the biz. I really appreciate your words, thank you for sharing. I second what @traveler says. 

[Consilience]

2 hours ago, Arzack said:

That's just a recreational dose, by taking it you're no different than people meditating X hours a day, thinking that it will be enough to gain any spiritual evolution. It's actually harder than that (for the necessity of a light/dark balance to create a "coherent/reasonable" reality), check my signature for more info.

Sounds like some good ol hearsay. Nothing about the 3.5g was recreational. 

All paths are distinct, all lead to the same destination. I will pass on your nirvana speed run but thank you.

[Nahm]

@traveler @Consilience ?♥️

[Arzack]

1 hour ago, Consilience said:

Sounds like some good ol hearsay. Nothing about the 3.5g was recreational. 

All paths are distinct, all lead to the same destination. I will pass on your nirvana speed run but thank you.

I'm not saying you should start with psychedelics with a high dose. And I'm not saying that you can't have mild bad trips or "mental insights" with sub-breakthrough doses, but to think that by doing it over and over again you'll eventually reach permanent nirvana is a common misconception. Raise the stake/dose. Then tell me how different it is from your 3.5 grams dose.

Edited April 3, 2020 by Arzack

[Consilience]

1 hour ago, Arzack said:

I'm not saying you should start with psychedelics with a high dose. And I'm not saying that you can't have mild bad trips or "mental insights" with sub-breakthrough doses, but to think that by doing it over and over again you'll eventually reach permanent nirvana is a common misconception. Raise the stake/dose. Then tell me how different it is from your 3.5 grams dose.

Im not doing psychedelics to chase temporary breakthroughs or reach nirvana. Ive had breakthroughs on 5g of mushrooms and 1.7g. I define a breakthrough as being conscious of who and what you are, not an ego death. In fact, the ego being operational has nothing to do with who you are and thus one could have a “breakthrough” while being dead sober, which “Ive” had as well. That being said, yes I am planning on raising the stakes in the future. Ive found that facing the absolute crumbling of reality as it is known forces unconscious fear, conditioning, and resistance to the surface which is either processed and let go of or at the very least, may be seen. But baby steps, I am in 0 rush. There is a lot of ground one can cover into understanding their conditioning and mind on these lower doses. Ive also found myself becoming more sensitive to psychedelics the more I do them, therefor the 3.5g smacked me a lot harder than what you might typically expect. Like I said, it wasn’t a recreational experience for me at all. 

Also, Nirvana is right here, right now. Just gotta pay attention. ❤️ Thank you for your feedback and advice. 

[Gneh Onebar]

On 2.4.2020 at 4:05 PM, Consilience said:

Thank you

I have yes. Ive never entered into such a state no. Sounds wonderful but my doses arent at his level so Im not sure if Id be able to haha. 

I think you've gone pretty far with your doses. To me it seems that you are on a really good way. Do you know how many trips you did so far?

[Arzack]

18 hours ago, Consilience said:

Also, Nirvana is right here, right now. Just gotta pay attention.

Yeah sure, we're all enlightened buddhas now, even that one guy who just killed another human being (yes, it happens everyday on Earth).

[Consilience]

10 hours ago, Gneh Onebar said:

I think you've gone pretty far with your doses. To me it seems that you are on a really good way. Do you know how many trips you did so far?

I appreciate that!  I think Ive had just under 20. When i first began tripping I wasn’t journaling and integrating properly, but these last 5 have been way more powerful as a result of proper integration.