what does this eckhart tolle quote mean?

[isabel]

“Anything that you resent and strongly react to in another is also in you.”

so if someone steals from me and I get mad, then I resent being stolen from and my strong reaction is anger

so if resent being stolen from does it mean that I am also a thief?

or does it mean something like that I (as a person) and the thief both appear in my awareness?

I see that I see myself as a victim quite a bit so I would love to understand this, thank you!

[loub]

When being stolen from you resent being stolen from, obviously. But what do you resent in the thief?
There's countless possibility. You can resent how he cares only for himself, does not have empathy for the victim, takes without consideration, does not strive for goodness, is not perfect, etc...
Whatever is unresolved within you you will project onto the thief whom you likely don't know anything about. What if he steals because he can't pay for his child's cancer treatment. You don't know that.

It's easy to see how your judgements are merely projections and indications of something off within you, in the case of the thief who you don't know, but very hard to see with people who are emotionally charged for you. All judgement is essentially futile and only telling of the one who judges.

Perhaps it would be helpful if you shared some of the ways in which you judge others, or at least consider for yourself what that judgement reveals within you that might need some light shone on.

[Jacobsrw]

“Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?”

 ― Marcus Aurelius

Edited April 1, 2020 by Jacobsrw

[Barna]

It's not the act of stealing that you resent. You cannot resent an act because every act is objective, an act in itself has nothing to do with emotions like resentment.

When you resent someone for doing something then the following happens: your mind imagines how would it feel like to be the person who committed the act, and the mind resents that feeling. Then the mind projects this imagined feeling to the person who committed the act in real life. This is how we can resent someone for doing something. It all happens almost instantaneously. 

So when someone steals from you then you basically resent the feeling of how would it feel like for you to be a thief. 

Now that we got the introduction out of the way, let's get to the actual question

So, if you would steal, how would you feel? You would see someone's money and you would feel like you want that money really bad. You want it so bad that you would even steal it. So the basic feeling would be: wanting the money.

Now, you see, if you're bothered when someone steals from you, that means that you also want that money. You want it back. You want that money so bad that you would even call the cops so that they can "steal" that money back to you...

This was a pretty good question btw

[isabel]

2 hours ago, loub said:

But what do you resent in the thief?
 

I resent being treated unfairly 

but I don't understand how does it mean that I am the one who is treating people unfairly?

and now I resent the idea that I am the one treating people unfairly 

[Peter124]

@isabel

All conflicts at mind understanding.

Cooperation and self sacrifice is key.

[Derek White]

@isabel It means that if you hate something it’s also inside of you that you’re suppressing.

For eg.

If you hate big noses on people then you’re constantly going to judge yourself to see if you have a big nose.

If you hate homosexuality, then you’re going to watch yourself very carefully to suppress any homosexual urges.

If you hate thieves, then you’re denying and demonizing the part of you that wants to steal. We all have the urge to steal right? Be it at varying degrees. Doesn’t mean you go out and start stealing.

You hate Nazis but isn’t there a nazi inside of you too? Many Nazi-esq beliefs we have? After all they were also human. Maybe hating Nazis In some ways makes you like them 

You don’t have to hate something to not do it. You don’t have to hate Nazis to not be one. Understanding > hate.

5 hours ago, isabel said:

I resent being treated unfairly

The notion of what’s fair and unfair is false. These distinctions don’t really exist. Notice that in order to be truly happy you need to come to terms with what you call ‘unfairness’.

It also means that they’re YOU literally because everything physical is interconnected and ultimately one. We know that through science. You cannot separate an organism from it’s environment, or the background from the foreground; they are one.

Edited April 2, 2020 by Derek White

[Pacific Sage]

15 hours ago, isabel said:

“Anything that you resent and strongly react to in another is also in you.”

 

or does it mean something like that I (as a person) and the thief both appear in my awareness?

@isabel

You are exactly right here.

If you resent that someone stole from you, that, to simplify is victim mentality as you will always, in your mind, be blaming some one else or something else for the situation you are in which is of not much comfort.

So the thief has not only stolen something personal from you but also stolen something which is much more valuable, your mental peace.

Forgive the thief but draw a boundary. If the perpetrator is a thief then better security system for the next time around, if the perpetrator is a toxic friend then the appropriate boundary for that circumstance. 

If there no boundaries or solutions to the situation then surrender is the only way to get the situation to not bother you. Only when it stops bothering you, will you find a better way to deal with it.

Edited April 2, 2020 by Pacific Sage
Grammar

[Pacific Sage]

10 minutes ago, Derek White said:

@isabel It means that if you hate something it’s also inside of you.

For eg.

If you hate big noses on people then you’re constantly going to judge yourself to see if you have a big nose.

If you hate homosexuality, then you’re going to watch yourself very carefully to suppress any homosexual urges.

If you hate thieves, then you’re denying and demonizing the part of you that wants to steal. We all have the urge to steal right? Be it at varying degrees. Doesn’t mean you go out and start stealing.

You hate Nazis but isn’t there a nazi inside of you too? Many Nazi-esq beliefs we have? After all they were also human. Maybe hating Nazis In some ways makes you like them 

You don’t have to hate something to not do it. You don’t have to hate Nazis to not be one. Understanding > hate.

The notion of what’s fair and unfair is false. These distinctions don’t really exist. Notice that in order to be truly happy you need to come to terms with what you call ‘unfairness’.

??

[loub]

11 hours ago, isabel said:

I resent being treated unfairly 

but I don't understand how does it mean that I am the one who is treating people unfairly?

and now I resent the idea that I am the one treating people unfairly 

There is a gap between your understanding and mine that I feel I can't bridge. Eckhart's quote is not intended to shame you. What are you so defensive about?

It seems to me that this has struck some core, something within you that you disapprove of and would rather not have illuminated. Perhaps the solution is to love that part a little more, to be thankful of the thief, for presenting you with this opportunity to better know yourself, and come to a more intimate and lovingly feeling understanding of yourself.

Just know that there is no truth to your judgements of the thief and yourself that holds its ground in the face of loving understanding. By remaining open-minded you can be more embracive of your experience and perhaps will come to see the loveliness of those parts that are judged right now.

'Till then they will be loved beyond comprehension regardless.

I hope this wasn't all too woowoo, I tried to tone it down a little. Have a lovely day

 

[zeroISinfinity]

Well hated gays now they are my best friends. 

I mean WTF. 

This whole dream is utter mindfuck but I love it lol rape my mind fill my ❤️ type of thing. 

[isabel]

@Barna 

hmmm I actually understand part of that, it's true I do resent the feeling (in me) not the act because sometimes something happens and I don't care, there is no bad feeling and nothing in me to resent or be upset about - another time the same thing can happen and I am upset

thank you for helping me

[Mulky]

On 4/1/2020 at 0:24 PM, isabel said:

“Anything that you resent and strongly react to in another is also in you.”

so if someone steals from me and I get mad, then I resent being stolen from and my strong reaction is anger

so if resent being stolen from does it mean that I am also a thief?

or does it mean something like that I (as a person) and the thief both appear in my awareness?

I see that I see myself as a victim quite a bit so I would love to understand this, thank you!

Isabel i haven't read all the other replies yet, but in this particular example, it means you had the false belief that you owned something.  The anger shows your view of reality  was shattered and the seemingly harsh truth(but actually quite happy) that no one can own anything flirts with you, shattering the false happiness the item gave you.  You feel disrespected, which proves that at that moment you exist as a thing that can be disrespected by having a physical item taken from you.  The item is part of your identity somehow.  I know easier said than done, I am not happy when I get stolen from either, but this is whats going on with that.

 

Edit:read the other replies and they had a lot of other useful types of insight, Barnas first post was reallly cool

Edited April 2, 2020 by Mulky
change

[isabel]

@Mulky haha yes! I had a dream about this, people take my artwork and sell it as their own with no credit or money going to me, but in my dream I saw that artwork belongs to no one - it flows through me, I am not the creator or the owner of it - but my body and my practical mind do not agree and I don't really even understand what I just said, kind of I do but not really

so the art is very much a part of my personal identity, strange

 

[isabel]

@Derek White thank you for helping me

If you hate big noses on people then you’re constantly going to judge yourself to see if you have a big nose.

I can see that, I react to what I am afraid of being

maybe if I react strongly to being stolen from it doesn't mean I am a thief but I am afraid of being a thief or afraid of being seen as a thief 

and I am afraid of being seen in a negative way so...and that's my "personal identity"

[student]

It is not the other which you are reacting to. You are not reacting to objects or persons. Things are always seen through a filter. Through what you know, believe in; your personal history of life, all you've experienced and your reactions to it. You have ideas about things. Your reaction is not connected to the experience itself. To that which simply happens. You are only reacting to what you project. You are either in a bubble, in your own world, or see things as they are. Seeing things as they are is devoid of any "self"/history of an "I" who interprets the world.

 

[isabel]

17 hours ago, Pacific Sage said:

If you resent that someone stole from you, that, to simplify is victim mentality as you will always, in your mind, be blaming some one else or something else for the situation you are in which is of not much comfort.

So the thief has not only stolen something personal from you but also stolen something which is much more valuable, your mental peace.

Forgive the thief but draw a boundary. If the perpetrator is a thief then better security system for the next time around, if the perpetrator is a toxic friend then the appropriate boundary for that circumstance. 

If there no boundaries or solutions to the situation then surrender is the only way to get the situation to not bother you. Only when it stops bothering you, will you find a better way to deal with it.

yes, I am beginning to recognize the victim mentality that I have, I allow and sometimes even create situations where I am the victim 

sometimes there is a very easy solution but I watch myself continue to be the victim instead of accepting the solution!

there is something in me that is attracted to that, oh I think that is again part of my "personal identity" the victim...

thank you

[isabel]

12 hours ago, loub said:

There is a gap between your understanding and mine that I feel I can't bridge. Eckhart's quote is not intended to shame you. What are you so defensive about?

It seems to me that this has struck some core, something within you that you disapprove of and would rather not have illuminated. Perhaps the solution is to love that part a little more, to be thankful of the thief, for presenting you with this opportunity to better know yourself, and come to a more intimate and lovingly feeling understanding of yourself.

Just know that there is no truth to your judgements of the thief and yourself that holds its ground in the face of loving understanding. By remaining open-minded you can be more embracive of your experience and perhaps will come to see the loveliness of those parts that are judged right now.

'Till then they will be loved beyond comprehension regardless.

I hope this wasn't all too woowoo, I tried to tone it down a little. Have a lovely day

 

this whole thread is so helpful to me, thank you

not too woowoo I love the woowoo

there is a lot to this and I've been reading it for hours and will read it again

but I am starting to see that I am very attached to an idea of myself that I don't want to let go of "the victim"

so I see myself "my personal identity" is a victim who is afraid of being viewed as wrong or bad - I think that's why I was defensive

“Anything that you resent and strongly react to in another is also in you.”

so I have a strong reaction to others being "bad people" because I am afraid that I am a bad person and/or I am afraid that people will think that I'm a bad person

@student  yep that seems to be it, thank you!  I am doing what you said

 

[loub]

Glad you found my reply helpful. The approach to understanding self-image has to be very counterintuitive, because how you get to your self-image is not rational at all. And not grounded in reality.

Perhaps the part of you that you don't allow to be is not that of the victim- afterall you are the victim in your self-image- but that which you react against in the thief. Somewhere maybe you have come to believe that you must be a good person, a selfless person, a pushover or whatever and this has become part of your identity. And now the thief displays all those things that you don't allow yourself to be, takes from others without consideration, puts his own needs first, does not care about the consequences of his actions for others, etc... and you react against that because you have those same tendencies suppressed within you. The solution here is not to become more like the thief but to question your inhibiting beliefs about your self and how you should be. Remember that your self-image need not be and probably is not rational or logical at all.

Self-image also is nothing imposed upon you, something external, but rather something you uphold moment by moment. You 'be' your self-image on a momentary basis and there is nothing stopping you from dropping false or ineffective beliefs once you have seen through them. These beliefs are entirely conceptual and not grounded in what is actually going on.

All the best on that journey

[Derek White]

Try getting rid of the notion of good and bad.

Notice that from the thief’s perspective stealing is not wrong or unfair but from your perspective it is. They are both just perspectives, one is not better than the other. Whose to decide who is right?

You can still have preferences for perspectives without calling one good and the other bad. If you like the colour blue that doesn’t make liking pink bad or wrong. In fact if you practice shifting perspectives and being open minded you can like things you otherwise hated, like changing what your favourite colour is, as oppose to it being fixed.

Aren’t all your problems because you hate some things and love others?

If you loved everything you wouldn’t have to move an inch to be happy. That’s when life shifts from ‘having to live’ to ‘wanting to live’.

How can you be at peace if you hate? The more things you hate the more miserable you are. That’s why Nazis and racists are miserable people ?. That’s an example of Karma, it’s immediate.

Edited April 3, 2020 by Derek White