Question about being firm with my expectations & boundaries?

[ir8221cu]

Hi all. Tone down Maslow's hierarchy of needs here, this isn't a question that needs profound metaphysics & deep spiritual insights: I just need classic, man-to-man, father-son kind of advice. I'm twenty years old, currently a sophomore in college. I have a very definite vision for my life and I love waking up every day and actualizing it! As my vision has become more and more definite I've become more black and white with my expectations and boundaries: I have a very good sense of the kind of women I like and don't like; I know what of men I want in my inner-circle and the kind of men I'm not going to invest time into; I know where I want my time invested and where I'm not going to invest it. I feel extremely comfortable upholding this boundary and saying no to things that aren't on my agenda: not in an explicit domineering way--all though I have no problem explicitly saying no-- it's more just a deep confidence I have. However, I've developed an inner-circle friendship with a really cool guy. We're very similar but very opposite in many ways. He's an extremely social guy who loves social intercourse. He constantly challenges me and says "people are assets, meet everyone, get to know everyone, etc." However, this is also isn't a guy with a very strong vision: your level of boundaries is contingent on how strong your vision in. 

Bear in mind, I'm confident and charismatic... There's no anxiety problem that needs to be worked on, and I don't struggle with making friends. 

Here's where I need advice: Who's right here? How flexible should I be? I'm in an inner-circle phase mindset: I'll small talk, banter and play, enough to figure out if we share common goals that we could collaborate on. If there's no common ground, I have absolutely no interest in pursuing any further relationship: I'm out. Whereas my friend would encourage me to keep investing in the relationship.  

Q: Is this attitude immature? Should I be more lax? Or is this what maturity and growth looks like: vetting out the people you can't build win-wins with. 

-I didn't have a dad to teach me these kinds of things. I'm very into meditation, consciousness work, spiral dynamics, etc. However, I really feel I need strong masculine advice here. 

Edited March 31, 2020 by ir8221cu

[Derek White]

How much commitment do these relationships require? I bet not a lot.

If you’re not interested in someone because they have different goals then yes it’s a problem. It says something about your values. Have curiously as one of your values. Be open minded.

If you only talk to people who are just like you, you will end up in an echo chamber. For eg. a conservative or a progressive bubble. Talking to different people opens up new possibilities and perspectives.

You don’t have to hang out everyday with lazy people, but you should be able to have a conversation with them if the situation arises.

Also you don’t need a dad to learn this stuff. 

Edited March 31, 2020 by Derek White