Posted February 8, 2016 (edited) Hello, I am 20 years old and, I have never dated. As relationships are an important part of life, I don't want to neglect them entirely, but as of now, I would like to focus on other areas of life. It's not that I am afraid of having a relationship, but as of now, I am simply much more interested in other aspects of life and would like to wait. Some people tell me that I'm bullshitting myself and need to start dating, but I don't agree. I am following my own judgement on this matter, not what other people tell me is right. Still, I highly value outside perspective and am willing to change my views if I find strong evidence to the contrary. With I being said, I ask, what's your take? Edit: The primary reason I would be willing to change my mind is that I might be putting at myself at a disadvantage with women once I am older. Edited February 8, 2016 by Saitama Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 8, 2016 Trust yourself! But first, find out who that Self is Have you looked into all facets of this insight? Are you sure there's no deep fear of intimacy lurking around, buried inside of you? Bottom line is, if you do not feel like it, that is valid. Just pay attention that you are not running from something (yourself) Ayla, www.aylabyingrid.com Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 8, 2016 4 minutes ago, Saitama said: Hello, I am 20 years old and, I have never dated. As relationships are an important part of life, I don't want to neglect them entirely, but as of now, I would like to focus on other areas of life. It's not that I am afraid of having a relationship, but as of now, I am simply much more interested in other aspects of life and would like to wait. Some people tell me that I'm bullshitting myself and need to start dating, but I don't agree. I am following my own judgement on this matter, not what other people tell me is right. Still, I highly value outside perspective and am willing to change my views if I find strong evidence to the contrary. With I being said, I ask, what's your take? I am 25 years old. Been married since I was 18 years old. My advice, wait. Get to know yourself. Before I got married I didn't even know who I was. Take your time getting independent and comfortable in your own skin! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 8, 2016 3 minutes ago, Saitama said: Hello, I am 20 years old and, I have never dated. As relationships are an important part of life, I don't want to neglect them entirely, but as of now, I would like to focus on other areas of life. It's not that I am afraid of having a relationship, but as of now, I am simply much more interested in other aspects of life and would like to wait. Some people tell me that I'm bullshitting myself and need to start dating, but I don't agree. I am following my own judgement on this matter, not what other people tell me is right. Still, I highly value outside perspective and am willing to change my views if I find strong evidence to the contrary. With I being said, I ask, what's your take? I have the same exactly perspective regarding relationships. You might think that is an excuse, judging by the fact that you are not attractive, but it's not a need for your life. Indeed, it is important for your hormonal balance and well-being, but, generally speaking, it's okay. The time comes for everyone, you're gonna find that person. Cheers! Ain't it funny how men think? They made the bomb, they are extinct. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 8, 2016 I know how it feels like. When I was younger I wanted so badly to date someone and I ended up dating the first girl who was interested in me. And at that time I didn't know myself very well. So I recommend you to commit to know yourself in the first place before searching for some guy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 8, 2016 Thanks for all of your perspectives! I am working on becoming the man I want to be first. I don't see much point in dating if I could instead spend that time pursuing my greater priorities, and in the mean time, become the type of person I want to attract. One fear was that by waiting too long to start, I might be putting myself at a disadvantage. But , I think even starting at age 30 and making sure I have my life together may actually be an advantage rather than a disadvantage. Fortunately, as a man, the biological clock is more forgiving for mating purposes. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 8, 2016 I am 31 years old and relating to the opposite sex has been a problem for me for as long as I can remember. I had my fair share of relationships but none of them lasted, and it took me until about an year ago to realize that there was only one problem from the beginning. A problem that kept changing its shape each time I would get into a new relationship. It was me. I wasn't being authentic and never realized how wrong that felt for me or for the girl i was dating. I never had the balls to even call myself out when I was pretending to enjoy doing something, because I thought that would mean I would live the rest of my life alone, that no one else would like me, that I would never be able to find another person. I relate to what you say in a way, because for the past year I felt like I was not ready to start dating again, that i had to somehow find my authentic self before anything else. I mean it really helped a lot, this one year introspection that I did, and learning all this new stuff from Leo I never imagined existed. But it also made me realize that the only way to discover my authentic self is to act. There is no way you can discover yourself just by thinking about it. And i think being in a relationship and being aware can really help you discover your authentic self. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 8, 2016 (edited) @Saitama My humble advice is try out dating. There is no use for speculation, if you feel it's not a problem than experience world of pain and misery dating and see for yourself. If that's not your cup of tea, just move forward , unless you know for sure, that your assumption was true. And you can grow A LOT as a man in relationship, put this into your great scheme of development, it will help you synergistically with other parts. Imagine how much pain you'll get, if you were bullshiting yourself ten years... Edited February 8, 2016 by kalter000 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 9, 2016 The later you start the more difficult it will be. If it's important to you start today. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
