Others people's projections

[Charlotte]

How do you guys deal with other people's projections of their anxiety and stress? 

[LastThursday]

You  always have a conscious choice whether to engage with it or not. Although you may be in a situation where it may be damn difficult to not engage - especially if the anxiety and stress comes from a loved one or society in general.

If you choose to engage with the projections then do so out of a position of love and empathy. Take it a sign that the person is distressed in some way and that the decent thing to do is at least try and help. Anxiety and stress are fear responses, and as such people don't willingly choose to have them. Their projections are usually cues for others to help them - however it may appear to the contrary. They may even blame you for their stress!

If you're not able to help because you yourself don't have the skills, experience or resources then the next decent thing to do is find someone who does and suggest to the stressed person that they seek outside help.

If the person doesn't want to be helped and you don't have the resources to help them, then the only decent thing left to do is to disengage from the situation - otherwise you run the risk of creating stress and anxiety for yourself, or you just exacerbate their stress.

Disengaging may be very difficult to do, but in my experience it's never impossible to do. And it's often the kindest act for all involved.

The other side of the coin is that in order for you to "know" if someone is stressed or is anxious there has to be some sort of overt behaviour on their part and a whole load of interpretation of that behaviour on your part. It is not actually possible to "mind read", you are not that other person. That means it's completely possible to "reframe" or shift your interpretation of their behaviour to be less negative or to ignore it completely.

In a way the projection of stress and anxiety inhabits your mind (through your interpretation) and is not really out there at all. The projection is a phantom.

 

Edited March 30, 2020 by LastThursday

[ivankiss]

9 out of 10 I don't care. It doesn't bother me. I simply notice it. It can affect me if I'm emotionally involved with the person though.

[SamueLSD]

9 hours ago, Charlotte said:

How do you guys deal with other people's projections of their anxiety and stress? 

I try to patiently observe their behaviour, as there is much to learn from suffering. If it is a loved one, I still do this, while also being emotionally supportive and empathetic.

This also enhances my own ability to feel,  and to love.

There is also no reason to feel someones suffering, which is especially common when you care for the person deeply. It wont help you to help them, Instead, just try to understand their suffering.

And if they are taking the stress out on you, don't take it personally, Just calmly observe.

[Raptorsin7]

@Charlotte What kinds of projections specifically?

Can you give an example in your life?

[Thewritersunion]

@Raptorsin7 for me it’s usually people who mistake the general picture to details. 
I say something like “I know a picture of Reality itself” and then they mistake it as “ah, so they know everything” (which in of itself is a project thinking they themselves know).

[Seiden]

I just say “No they haven’t done anything”

and let it go until I don’t feel anything about it or remember that it doesn’t help to think about it cause thinking doesn’t help.

but don’t get me wrong, even with the same person I have to do it many many times until I settle down.

sometimes its just one time, sometimes are like 30 times of doing this.

Still this works wonders.

its called true forgiveness.

Edited March 31, 2020 by Seiden

[Michael569]

You can't. People will project on to you even if you are the most generous, loving and kindhearted person. There is always something they will project. It is the Don Quijote's battle against windmills. Thank them for their opinion but make nothing of it. 

It is easy to separate genuine constructive criticism with the intention of uplifting the other that comes from the place of love and caring and criticism or projection that is just shooting from the hip.  This form bears no value and depicts current emotional and spiritual state of the person projecting rather than something you did

Edited March 31, 2020 by Michael569

[Charlotte]

Thanks all so much for your help. This keeps occurring in my instance from a close loved one. Other people it doesn't bother me but this keeps happening all the time day in and day out with some I am currently sharing a house with (for the time being). @Shiva an example? You ask the person a very innocent question based on what they're talking about, like a follow up question and because they feel you are questioning them or not believing them they snap or react in an unhelpful way. Any sort of projection from that other person. It's basically going through their filter of fear and anxiety and it's being projected on to you as 'the problem' 

[Nahm]

Thought given precedence, feeling a distant second, we believe in assertion. 

Feeling given precedence - thought a distant second, chosen in alignment with feeling - there is no assertion. 

The greatest teacher of this, is suffering.

The liberation of this, is understanding. 

Understanding arises in letting god. 

[Scholar]

Learn to understand their energy and how this energy will respond to yours.

Learn to transmute their energy into a different form of energy.

 

Both of these are two areas of mastery.

[Charlotte]

2 hours ago, Scholar said:

Learn to understand their energy and how this energy will respond to yours. Did you mean learn to understand their energy and I will learn how it responds to mine or learn their energy and it will respond with mine? 

Learn to transmute their energy into a different form of energy. 

 

Both of these are two areas of mastery.

@Nahm I love you my brother. Question...

is this.. 

 

5 hours ago, Nahm said:

The greatest teacher of this, is suffering.

not the same as...
 

5 hours ago, Nahm said:

Thought given precedence, feeling a distant second, we believe in assertion

Is believing suffering the greatest teacher not another thought?

 

[Nahm]

Love you!

Well, it’s a thought in that a thought is expressed to communicate this, and a thought of it arises in the recipient of the communication. 

But internally speaking, if you will...if there is suffering, love is teaching. No belief is in play, sans the one contrary to truth, to love. The discord is felt. The ‘teaching’ is then, “let that bullshit go & just love”.  

Side note...one does not feel another’s discord. Just as one does not feel another’s thought. One joins them in it, or does not. One may be conscious of this, or not. One offers love, that they may join them - or not. One is conscious of that, or not. 

There is no objective reality, contrary to thought & perception mixed. Reality is a one player game. 

There’s a quote from The Buddha, something like...

”If someone gives you a gift, which you refuse - to whom does the gift belong?” 

[Scholar]

@Charlotte

It is more of if you understand their energy you will learn how it will respond to yours. You can practice this after your meditation session, by visualizing yourself as being understanding and able to turn their energy around.

You can understand the energy of an angry mob, but that does not mean the angry mob will resonate with your energy. Sometimes it would simply mean for you to keep a few steps distance, or you could change your own energy to fit theirs.

[student]

You are either projecting or liberated. You are either ignorant or liberated. To not project means to not have a self. It's a pretty extraordinary thing to understand anything from your exterior. Because the only way to understand is to renounce what you call yourself (the know-it-all identity). Do not know anything and you will not project. You are either ignorant or turned inwards for the purpose of liberation (the cycle of always being something). We are all in the same boat. It is either compulsive behaviour, living in your own world or you are either interested in renouncing your silly history of life (the source of all projection). To know the other means to shut up. To have respect for the other is to let the other be. Not existing is the greatest favour you can make for the other (no joke here).