Why does my dating life SUCK?

[7thLetter]

@Angelo D Hey thanks for your response, it was an interesting read.

Counseling was something I've turned to in the past, and I loved it honestly. Therapy has been something suggested to me a few times, and something I thought of doing, but never got to it. I've just had months where I feel that I'm happy and don't need anything. But the things I struggle with makes me realize that there are more layers of the onion that I have to work through, and I'm not a perfect person. Even though I exercise, eat healthy, there's always something about myself that needs to change and there's always room for improvement.

I'd definitely look more into it when we ever get to a point where we're out of this lockdown, or might look into calling some of the counseling phone lines.

[Roy]

6 hours ago, 7thLetter said:

I honestly admit to myself I have a lot to work through with myself.

This is what to be focusing on, you got it! Build up other areas of your life sufficiently and you'll find you'll naturally attract women. They'll come into your life without much effort, if at all.

"If you build it, they will come."

This doesn't mean you have to be perfect in those other factors like finances, health, hobbies, etc., you just gotta take care of them so at the very least they aren't problems.

It's far too apparent with young men these days that they expect way to be owed way more than they deserve. They "want their cake and to eat it too". They get bitter that seemingly no women wants to be with them, yet they don't have the courage to admit to themselves their own inadequacies, instead they project it all outwards. They neglect their health, they're irresponsible with money, they don't contribute to their community, they can't even clean their own room for fuck sakes! If you were a quality woman would you want to be with someone like that?

Just being able to admit this will save you tremendous amounts of needless negative emotion and struggle.

You are ahead of the curve @7thLetter, be proud.

Edited April 2, 2020 by Roy

[Angelo D]

13 hours ago, 7thLetter said:

So the biggest thing that messed me up with these few girls was that I was trying to use some "psychological" trick to get them to like me. One of them was clearly into me already, but I was getting insecure and tried to act like a "fuckboy" to make me seem attractive.

@7thLetter Great to hear you are learning about how you are worthy of love and connection exactly as you are, even without elaborate tricks. Releasing the pain beneath the surface will make this clear to you experientially. I'm guessing plenty of girls have liked you, but your hurt made it so you could not just be open to letting them come into your life and see you as you are. The work you need to do to date successfully is not to improve your life... it is to heal so you can release your self sabotaging behavior patterns. Keep following that road and your reactivity will go away in dating, and in your psychedelic trips.

I'm glad you are looking to take action and I appreciate your honesty and willingness to learn the hard truth... INTPs are good at that

Edited April 2, 2020 by Angelo D

[Angelo D]

It's also important that they know you are interested in them. I am not sure if you have experienced girls often not knowing you are interested in them, but by what you've said, I'd expect that. You can speak to that though.