TRIP REPORT - 2F-Ketamine - Alien Reality

[billiesimon]

Hey!

This is my first trip with Ketamine, to be precise the legal version of Ketamine (here in europe): 2FDCK.

I have just one experience with dissociatives, precisely DXM, and you can find the report in my profile.

 

This Keta experience, which is my first ever, was.... literally ALIENATING. But not a bad trip. It was utterly fascinating, DEEPLY MYSTERIOUS and deeply mesmerizing.
It actually left me with MORE QUESTIONS than before.

 

-- Technical data --

Empty stomach since 5 hours
Night-time trip, around 3:00 AM
2 hours beforehand I assumed 500 ml of grape juice - the fruit's enzymes act as a slow-down for dissociatives, letting you have a longer high state
I meditated 45 minutes before the session
I did 15 mins of self inquiry just after meditation
Dosage: 75 mg of 2FDCK >>> Plugged rectally (following all @Leo Gura 's tips for plugging)

 

---- THE EXPERIENCE ----

 

>> The quick start

5 minutes after the plugging, my body started to feel sleepy very fast, and I sat on the carpet of my bathroom with a nice lamp lighting to keep me calm.

The first 2-3 minutes were still very "normal", I was still my old self, with still a very strong feeling of being "in control".

 

Then.... after just 5 minutes....  IT PUNCHED me so hard!!!! BOOOOM!!!

I had switched from a consciousness state of "it's ok, I'm still me, it's still same old reality" to "what?!? where am I? what is this existance? why?? why is this even real? why am I here?!?"

It happened without even a transitioning! I literally switched from being "self-conscious" as always, to BEING without a concept of my self or a concept of "my reality".

It's so weird, I can't describe it. It's not describable!

 

>> The mystery movie

I remember I was looking at the bathroom tiles and the bathrobe and they felt so ALIEN. These objects are my ordinary life objects, and they are so dumb and unnoticeable in my normal life... yet they were so mesmerizing and MYSTERIOUS! Oh god, the mystery!!! The bathrobe had these spirals (which it has in real life too), but... during the trip these spirals were so MYSTICAL and so UNEXPLAINABLE!!! It was like looking at an alien artifact, or a south american ancient artifact.

 

By the way... 2F-K has no visuals, no sensory effects... it shows you reality as you perceive it daily, but what changes is the state of consciousness and the levels of ego.

My ego was reduced A LOT, to about 30% of it. And my state of consciousness was of TOTAL MYSTERY, THRILLER-FEELING, like in a noir or psychological crime movie. It was deeply fascinating but slightly scary at the same time.

My ears had this constant ringing, which was pretty loud, like some kind of static noise in my head.

My mood was almost non-existant. I was very neutral, yet at the same time I was really puzzled and dumbstruck by the deep mystery of existing and witnessing reality.

 

>> The insanity of existing (peak state)

Since the assumption of the chemical, I never looked at the time, until the start of the comedown.

Time was really slow... slow... slow... For some brief instances it looked like I was stuck in this eternity FOREVER, in that moment forever... and it scared me as hell. 

Then the absolute peak happened:

I was 90% dissociated from my body and from my thoughts. 

My body was working all alone, without Billiesimon participating. My thoughts were passing by like clouds, and I didn't even notice them.

For some brief minutes I WAS PURE WATCHING. 
I WAS PURE WATCHING.
I WAS PURE WATCHING. 
I SEE. I AM THE ONE THAT SEES. I JUST SEE. I HAVE NO MIND. I CAN ONLY WATCH.

This body is not even mine. These thougths are just random noise, what the hell?! 
This place... what is this place? What is reality? Why the hell do  I exist? 
I am pure seeing, I am pure watching... why?

This place... this house... this situation... this everything... WHY?!? 
NOTHING HAS A MEANING!!!! IT HAS NO MEANING!!! IT'S JUST SOME ALIEN PERCEPTION!!

EVERYTHING IS AN ALIEN PERCEPTION WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!!!! And I don't even know what "me" means.

 

>> Ego kicked back a little . The need for security

At some point I believe my EGO kicked in.... and I felt the need to brace my legs and body, like a child who's scared...
I grabbed my phone, while my hands felt like random meat and bones, and NOT my body.

I sent some messages to my friend. He was asleep.

I found comfort in sending the messages, it felt a little bit more like reality was still the same old.

I could barely talk, my instinct was telling me that talking made no sense, that my state of being should be enough to communicate with others.

Why should I use words? Can't I communicate just by being? The use of words feels so alien and so weird....
I managed to send three short audio messages, with very few words like "nothing has meaning" or "reality is so alien to me", in a very calm, sloooooow and very neutral voice, almost like a ghost voice.

 

>> The Source calls me

I reverted back to keep meditating on the present moment, I realized that my ego was in the way of my true objective: finding the ego death.

After some contemplation of the bathroom tiles and the flowers depicted... I felt this Void calling me... I understood that if I continued focusing on the present and meditating... I could have reached a state of basic ego death, some kind of void state.

I could tell it was the case, because the more I was meditating , the more I felt like I was completely losing EVERYTHING. Time, space, identity, concepts of life, everything was melting away and I WAS BECOMING A CAMERA. 
The more I meditated the more I was becoming a NEUTRAL CAMERA, STARING AT THE WORLD.

 

The call from the Source became loud (as it happened in my DXM trip) and then the entrance to the Void was offered to me.

Even this time I refused... again.... 

As I approached the Void in my state of presence, an explosion of FEAR AND TERROR rushed into me, and my ego screamed at me to stop immediately.

The terror was so strong that I started to mentally say "no no no no!!! not this time! I'm not ready!!! I might die!!"

Again... Source closed off the entrance to the Void and I was left alone with my ego, feeling safe, feeling "as my old self", feeling somehow angry for not accepting the call.

 

But it was so massive... the entrance was so massive... I never entered the void, but... JUST THE ENTRANCE WAS SO MASSIVE.....

I couldn't stand it. I WANT to enter it, but I was not ready this time.

 

I was not ready.

 

At the end, as my ego regained power, my body had some nausea, some pain in the stomach, and some small bursts of terror, as my reality was coming back to normal.

At the end, I regained peace and a very pleasant feeling of sleepiness.

I went to bed.

 

I was not ready. Just the entrance alone was so immense and scary... oh god.

But I SWEAR I WILL ENTER!

Edited March 30, 2020 by billiesimon

[Leo Gura]

@billiesimon Very good! Excellent insights.

But this is still not Awakening to yourself as God and to reality as Love.

Integrate and gently keep going deeper. Ketamine might not be the best for helping you realize what God is. But these were legit and important insights.

[billiesimon]

8 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@billiesimon Very good! Excellent insights.

But this is still not Awakening to yourself as God and to reality as Love.

Integrate and gently keep going deeper. Ketamine might not be the best for helping you realize what God is. But these were legit and important insights.

Thanks Leo!

LSD has done shadow work on me, but it seems to NOT remove much of my ego.

Ketamine instead seems to be very hardcore on the ego, it has robbed me of a lot of my identity in a matter of 5 minutes...

But yes... I recognize that it is not the best of psychoactive substances  

[Globalcollective]

Nice stuff man I use to do ketamine along time ago when I was younger, its dangerous for your health so prob best switching to safer pyscdelics but I do remember have some insane expirences on it. I use to be able to create whole universes however I wanted and would drive around space in the millennium falcon and slide down hugh space slides, I defo got an insight into being god on it but defo better to stick to other pyscs. 

Ket was very forgiving when on it unlkle DMT, would rarely get anxiety or panic on it. 

[Leo Gura]

@billiesimon It's not just about doing a substance once or twice. It needs to become a consistent process that keeps deepening itself with every trip. Similar to meditation.

20, 40, 60, 100 trips, each one taking you deeper. Of course, these trips must be carefully spaced out so you have time to integrate the insights. Might take years.

After 100 trips now, my depth of consciousness has become so profound that I fear if I take any more, I will simply leave my body into Infinity. It is nothing like what it was when I first began.

Take care. But take it!

[billiesimon]

7 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@billiesimon It's not just about doing a substance once or twice. It needs to become a consistent process that keeps deepening itself with every trip. Similar to meditation.

20, 40, 60, 100 trips, each one taking you deeper. Of course, these trips must be carefully spaced out so you have time to integrate the insights. Might take years.

After 100 trips now, my depth of consciousness has become so profound that I fear if I take any more, I will simply leave my body into Infinity. It is nothing like what it was when I first began.

Take care. But take it!

Yeah, the meditations, self inquiries and trips will continue for me  

But do you mean consistency with the SAME psychedelic, or consistency with psychedelic use in general?

 

- BTW I hope you will release a new updated video on how to get insights and growth on psychoactive substances! -

[billiesimon]

15 minutes ago, Globalcollective said:

Nice stuff man I use to do ketamine along time ago when I was younger, its dangerous for your health so prob best switching to safer pyscdelics but I do remember have some insane expirences on it. I use to be able to create whole universes however I wanted and would drive around space in the millennium falcon and slide down hugh space slides, I defo got an insight into being god on it but defo better to stick to other pyscs. 

Ket was very forgiving when on it unlkle DMT, would rarely get anxiety or panic on it. 

It's a very aggressive substance... compared to LSD at least.

It's also very scary. But fascinating

[Leo Gura]

16 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

But do you mean consistency with the SAME psychedelic, or consistency with psychedelic use in general?

For me it is both. It helps a lot to do the same psychedelic over and over again. And it helps to do various ones at times, so that you get a better contrast and appreciation for their differences. It should all build on itself. At least it did for me.

[Globalcollective]

39 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

It's a very aggressive substance... compared to LSD at least.

It's also very scary. But fascinating

 @billiesimon interesting I always use to find it very smooth and easy going but it has been a very long time since I last tired it. It did also feel like its distorts your perception somehow so harder to contemplate when on it, like almost being very drunk 

[billiesimon]

46 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

For me it is both. It helps a lot to do the same psychedelic over and over again. And it helps to do various ones at times, so that you get a better contrast and appreciation for their differences. It should all build on itself. At least it did for me.

I believe I will follow your advice and keep doing it both ways!

[billiesimon]

20 minutes ago, Globalcollective said:

 @billiesimon interesting I always use to find it very smooth and easy going but it has been a very long time since I last tired it. It did also feel like its distorts your perception somehow so harder to contemplate when on it, like almost being very drunk 

This might be because psychedelics adapt to the personality and the mind of the user.

To be honest I didn't find it hard to contemplate. Instead of a drunk feeling, I had a strong alienation feeling, like I was very PRESENT in reality but at the same time very SHOCKED by reality. Like seeing wild animals for the first time.

[FredFred]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

I fear

That seems odd for you to say, would you elaborate on that?

[SamueLSD]

1 hour ago, billiesimon said:

This might be because psychedelics adapt to the personality and the mind of the user.

I agree. The better you know the drug, the deeper you can go with it. 

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, FredFred said:

That seems odd for you to say, would you elaborate on that?

Odd?

Where did you get the silly I idea that I have no fear?

[Pallero]

8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

After 100 trips now, my depth of consciousness has become so profound that I fear if I take any more, I will simply leave my body into Infinity.

I have been wondering for a while if that's what you really want? Do you want to leave? Cause I understand if you do, I've felt the same way. For me personally, I had to face the fact that my growth is in staying and facing those demons that I want to escape.

[Leo Gura]

49 minutes ago, Pallero said:

I have been wondering for a while if that's what you really want? Do you want to leave? Cause I understand if you do, I've felt the same way. For me personally, I had to face the fact that my growth is in staying and facing those demons that I want to escape.

No, I had zero intention of leaving. But then I stumbled my way into a level of consciousness so high that it seemed like to go any higher it would be a point of no return. Once you go that high there might be no coming back.

[electroBeam]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

No, I had zero intention of leaving. But then I stumbled my way into a level of consciousness so high that it seemed like to go any higher it would be a point of no return. Once you go that high there might be no coming back.

that's what the ego said on the first ego death

Maybe after going past that point you'll realise all of your previous awakenings were barely awakenings at all and you'll make a video about everything you taught in the past 2 weeks was completely ego and wrong and for now on you'll be making different teachings that transcends life is infinite imagination.???

Edited March 30, 2020 by electroBeam

[FredFred]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Odd?

Where did you get the silly I idea that I have no fear?

Good point, I just assumed I guess