On the Psychology of Jealousy and Envy

[Bournebee]

On the Psychology of Jealousy and Envy

 

I'm going to split these two emotions down and I’m going to focus firstly on Envy.

 

To differentiate between the two:

 

Jealousy is the fear of losing something that one has to someone else. Often accompanied with a feeling of possessiveness.

 

Envy is the frustration of witnessing someone else having what you want.

 

They are very similar and the lines between the two can be blurred. Envy is an emotion which occurs when a person lacks another's superior quality, achievement or possession and the desires and wishes that the other lacked it.

 

Envy, through the framework / lens of evolutionary psychology

 

Starting with as a species we have a drive to reproduce ->

 

As a result we have to find and a mate ->

 

To attract a mate we signal status (Physical attractiveness, personality traits, resources, talent and ambition).

 

When you perceive someone to have a higher status in one of the above signals, Envy can be triggered.

 

So you may see someone who has a nice car for example or nice house, you may see someone who you perceive as being more attractive or just something that you have perceived to be of higher status which can trigger envy and then related behavior.

 

If you perceive someone with a higher status than you as a negative thing then it's possible that you suffer from automatic negative thoughts through conditioning in the environment you've experienced or maybe low self-esteem.

 

Acting in a hostile way to someone who you perceived to have higher status won't necessarily improve your own situation and is most like a complete waste of your time, energy, health and indirectly money.

 

Gratitude for what you have, instead of focusing what others have can be a great remedy.

 

Ask.. "What am I grateful for?"

 

Thoughts??

[IJB063]

@Bournebee Yep

Most people's self worth, is based upon the people around them

So their sense of self worth is a reflection of the people around them

As humans we are constantly assigning value to other people, we constantly play status games, competing with other people for value. We're afraid of being labelled weird, not normal, of no value/worth, this is why in high school we care so much about the way we dress and the way people perceive us because we don't want to be ostracized. Low self esteem comes from comparing and giving into blind mass conformity

Its our stupid chimp dominance instincts in the back of our heads

So anyway, yes, in part the answer is to be grateful for the things you have

But the best thing you can do to deal with envy and jealously 

Is to have an identity which is built upon yourself - in isolation - and not on other people

So basically to stop giving a fuck

Stop comparing yourself - know what you want - get it - fuck the rest

Which is, at its foundation, to change your own identity and thought patterns

Just did a post on this yesterday - link here if interested

Here is a actualised.org video related to the topic

 

[Tanz]

It's from both illusion and perception of lack.  

 

[Bournebee]

@IJB063 Yeah great answer and great posts also ?