morbid spiritual practice I invented, thoughts?

[montecristo]

So I can see this affecting me negatively in the future which is why i'm posting about it here hoping to get some opinions from people.

anyway...

I've always been seemingly unable to suppress my curiosity, no matter what if there's something to be known I feel compelled to know it. I've never been one to say something like "dont tell me that" or "eww gross, dont show me that". I always want more knowledge no matter what.

So I've found various telegram and wechat groups that share nothing but graphic videos, truly disgusting and disturbing things. In most cases depicting massive suffering in one form or another.

surveilance footage of murders, fights or horrible accidents, self mutilations, people with severe mental illnesses or disfigurements etc. The sheer volume of videos is shocking as well, it's seemingly endless.

So here's the practice, I watch these videos and remain conscious that what I am seeing is me. That I am all there is in existence such that I deeply identify with those depicted in the videos. I try my best to face what they are facing and to deeply know that consciousness is living through these realities. 

It's not a sick preoccupation just an acknowledgement of what is occuring within consciousness. I find it to be a surprisingly very powerful practice but I dont know if I can recomend it to anyone, it can be rather destabilizing.

 not sure what the consequences of this are and i'd love some input.

[Osaid]

@montecristo I go through this often. My "friends" send me sick shit sometimes lol. I also practiced seeing it for how it is and it did kinda help. Sometimes we run into fucked up shit in life and I guess it's good practice for learning how to handle that. It's also a good reality check.

Edited March 28, 2020 by Osaid

[montecristo]

it's made me a safer driver that's for sure!

[Villager Albert]

@Osaid Sure but in the same way, watching news is a reality check but it doesn't seem to be very healthy.

But maybe it works right, I don't know

[molosku]

Sounds like you are concentrating on a belief that what you are watching is you + other non-dual ideas. If you were actually conscious of that, you wouldn't have a need to practise. You are trying to hammer that knowledge into your psyche, rather than finding out the truth for yourself. 

If you find you are in a phase of your path, that requires contemplation into suffering, why not dial into your own suffering hardcore? Try sitting in a lotus position for 4 hours. Can't? Well, theres something to chew on. 

There are better practises, broadly discussed on this forum. 

Edited March 28, 2020 by molosku

[Danioover9000]

   It's only feeding your subconscious mind more bullshit. In this case, disturbing bullshit. At some point, you might want to cut this stuff out, because it's easy to desensitize yourself and create an addiction to it.

[montecristo]

@molosku i'm beyond the belief stage, I am conscious that it is myself already  but my programming as a human for survival doesnt allow me to rest in non-dual awareness constantly, which is the case for most everyone hence the necessity of practices, not saying it's the be all end all obviously but it has been useful.

Perhaps SDS would be useful in a similar way. What im doing is unique in that im not gonna go wander out into traffic myself, but I can watch it and use it as fuel for consciousness and contemplation.

@Meta-Man interesting stuff I had no idea, looks like there's nothing new under the sun hahah

[Carl-Richard]

Let me put it like this: sometimes less is more. A stable practice that gives good results doesn't have to be complicated.

[molosku]

7 hours ago, montecristo said:

@molosku i'm beyond the belief stage, I am conscious that it is myself already

@Meta-Man

I'm not sure we have the same definition of "being aware of ones true self" here. In my books you need to be able to answer the "who am I?" question (after having a good chuckle over the ridicilousness of the question) with 100% certainity. 

At that point you can still deepen you understanding for sure, but I find it hard to believe that such persons go to practise would be gore videos. 

[Carl-Richard]

@Meta-Man This man is speaking the truth. I've been dying many times, and it's no joke. It feels like you're going to disappear forever and never come back.

[montecristo]

 

2 hours ago, molosku said:

 but I find it hard to believe that such persons go to practise would be gore videos. 

Not my go to practice but it is true that the horror and disappointment aspect of life has been a driving force on the road to awakening for me and im guessing many others too. You make an inference and presume to know what I am and am not conscious of.

[molosku]

@Meta-Man

Real awakening comes after you do what ever needs to be done, so yeah it might get dirty but that is not necessary for everyone. For most it is some shade of dirt, i guess. It's too simplistic to say it needs to be rough or it's just self-inquiry and mooji videos lol

[Leo Gura]

If you fill your mind with garbage, garbage it will produce.

[electroBeam]

Highly creative types tend to go through a phase of trying out heaps of unorthodox stuff that seems to work in the beginning but fails. I'm one of those types.

Keep to the tried and true methods and don't deviate into highly unorthodox things IMO, but it may take you some trial and error and wasted time to realise that's the way.

[Moreira]

Its like porn or stimulation, the desensitization will make you used to see horrible things as something normal, youll become less human less empathic to suffering and pain of others.

[molosku]

27 minutes ago, Meta-Man said:

If it aint rough, it aint shit.

Is this a belief or the truth? Hmmm...

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, molosku said:

Is this a belief or the truth? Hmmm...

Why not try death for a day?

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, WHO IS said:

But we are God and from God's POV murder is as good/loving as saving someone, therefore we should have no problem watching these kinds of videos.

That is correct but you have zero consciousness of what God or Love are.

So until then, watch out.

[Visionary]

Lmfao forcing your way through sounds like an incredible shitty method.

Its difficult to respect these horrific images if you haven't purified your eyes through the heart. You're just adding to the horror. Don't underestimate how the shadow operates in your psyche. Maybe if you hit rock bottom this way, you will have Grace. 

What is guiding you through this process? Love? Or the benefits you think you gain from this (this could also come from Love, but it should be actively contemplated). 

 

[montecristo]

it certainly hasn't desensitized me, if anything it's made me more compassionate and grateful.

we are in a unique time in that we have access to orders magnitude more information than people did when they ventured but a few miles from where they were born during their lifetimes. This affords us more exposure to what exists within reality, perhaps a double edged sword.

@Leo Gura I guess what you mean by garbage is self explanatory, but I'm still trying to figure out what you mean when you say the mind will "produce garbage".  Specifically why should I refrain from filling my mind with "garbage"?

Isn't part of spiritual strength being able to face any of the content of consciousness without recoiling from it? It doesnt bring me any glee the way it might some people, I feel like im honoring reality in some way by accepting what is possible within consciousness.