Drug Seeking and God Seeking : My Addicted Mind

[EntheogenTruthSeeker]

Hello all, 

I’m 21 male and am an absolute addict. I seek enlightenment 247 and drug highs. 
 

Ever since I took Vyvanse and adderall, I have forever saught euphoria and motivation before doing any activity. 
 

Psychedelics have helped in the past but I hope they will do more the more I trip, but I’m doing RASA and Ramaji won’t let me trip. 
 

anyways, I’m incredibly lazy and always wanting to get high to get my mind focused. I’ve been meditating for 4 years like halfway focused and just nothing. I’ve meditated for 60 days 247 and tortured myself. I feel like my focus abilities can only be helped through psychedelics. 
 

last thing, as I drink coffee first thought is: I’m drinking beer tonight or I need a cigarette to calm down or I need to smoke thc or I want to take adderall or psychedelics. It’s really bad and it seems like meditation isn’t doing SHITTTTT for me. 

[EntheogenTruthSeeker]

Cocaine and meth even seem slightly appealing at times, but I obviously won’t do that. 

[Leo Gura]

You should not do psychedelics then. Your foundation is too weak so you are getting into abuse territory.

You need more discipline.

[EntheogenTruthSeeker]

@Leo Gura I’m always so depressed and lack any enjoyment in doing discipline. 
 

I feel like psychedelics are the only hope. 
 

affirmations? Idk

[EntheogenTruthSeeker]

@Leo Gurai fear hard work because I know doing good at Whole Foods won’t do shit for my happiness. Any external achievement seems to disappoint. Enlightenment is only answer it seems. 

[Leo Gura]

You might have some underlying health issue. Maybe it's a disease or vitamin deficency, or mental health issue.

I think you are getting ahead of your skiis. You need just basic self-help to ground yourself.

Find a way not to hate your life before you go chasing enlightenment.

[electroBeam]

12 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You should not do psychedelics then. Your foundation is too weak so you are getting into abuse territory.

You need more discipline.

What would be a really awesome video I would like to see you do is a "dangers of psychedelics" just like your dangers of meditation video but for psychedelics.

No one has done such a video before, and you talk lots about how amazing psychedelics are, but never the dangers or mistakes.

[Leo Gura]

2 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

What would be a really awesome video I would like to see you do is a "dangers of psychedelics" just like your dangers of meditation video but for psychedelics.

No one has done such a video before, and you talk lots about how amazing psychedelics are, but never the dangers or mistakes.

I made a blog post about that some years ago.

[EntheogenTruthSeeker]

@Leo Gura thanks, man. Definitely mental health. 
 

crazy how you spend your Awake time replying to people on a forum. Very humble and kind. 

[Janerunner]

I had a pretty strong mind-focusing and laziness issues myself. Still have them in a way of course. Meditation never helped me neither, always ended up thinking about pills and booze. Only one thing keeps saving me - just standing up through all my pain and going do something physical, long and healthy like job, sport, walking with friends (every time a was alone I kept drowning in my lusts). It's still really hard but gets better every day.

[ardacigin]

Hi

First of all, I want you to realize that drivenness, fixation and addiction is the operating paradigm of the sense of self. Your extreme indulgence on these thoughts or substances is no different than how people plan what TV shows they are going to watch after coming home from work. At their core, all addiction arises out of one source. The addictions only differ in degree.

You are fortunate in the sense that your addictions seriously get in the way of the beauty of life. It is a poignant problem for you. Most people's fixations are distributed over so many different activities that the underlying issue can never be investigated because the suffering is subliminal but enormous. As in your case, the fixation shows itself disturbingly in your addiction to these substances and behaviors so much that you realize that you need to do something about it. And that is why you are pulled towards psychedelics and spirituality in general. 

So, what can you do about it?

The impatience and quick movements are one of those key culprits. There is a reason why meditators do walking meditations (an even breath meditations) in an extremely slow manner. Mindfulness  (done properly) dramatically reduces subliminal suffering when you slow down. 

Walk like an old person. Eat food like an old person. And REALLY see the joy of your hand moving towards the soda to drink it. Slowing down WITH mindfulness will reduce that insatiable desire to drink that sweet soda so much that the 3-4 seconds where the hand moves towards the soda is just as enjoyable as drinking itself. This boils down to consistent production of endorphins and opiates in the brain. 

The reason why you are addicted is that there is too much anticipation in the mind with a disregard for anything deemed as 'banal' by the mind. There is too much dopamine release with minimal opiate production. That is why opiates like heroin and certain antidepressants are so addictive. 

I just want you to realize that with a consistent meditation practice in a non-effortful way, joy cultivation, slow movements and unbroken mindfulness in daily life, you can basically live in heaven. You can do this reliably without taking psychedelics, anti-depressants or entertainment industry.

Stop listening to people that say awakening is so easy compared to this emotional mastery/ addiction work. Awakening is so radical that this is only the beginning and a lot of people have been doing this 'heaven on earth' practice (jhanas) without awakening. This is just the beginning part of spiritual development. It is like learning a new emotional skill for the brain. Just as any skill, it has a steep learning curve for what I'm describing.

But stable attention, peripheral awareness, non-effortful equanimity really goes a long way to develop these circuits in the brain. This is like scales and arpeggios to musicians.

Doing even this practice successfully is life-changing in a radical way. Imagine how much your life could change when this becomes the baseline and you are getting into infinity territory. 

This is a radical shift to your existing life habits. All of your conditioning might scream no at my suggestions for slow movements, meditation etc. but you are suffering at this moment for a reason.

This means that your existing strategies are not working and/or not working well enough for this radical cognitive and habitual change.

For now, drop all of your existing ideas about how to practice spirituality, meditation, psychedelics etc. and just work on that suffering that you are currently conscious of and work on how to reduce/ eliminate that while keeping in mind the suggestions I've made.

When you succeed, the results will be immediate. The blockage of the ego will be significantly weakened on a momentary basis unbroken in 'time' and you'll grow exponentially from there. This is one way to enter true spirituality. It works because it is so primal in the mind system.

I wish you the best in your journey.

Much love,

 

 

[EntheogenTruthSeeker]

@ardacigin WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fucking incredible love filled post man. 
 

So much deep wisdom. I am truly so grateful for your in-depth reply. Thanks a lot, man. 
 

I have followed the concentration technique and from there, as you said, my addictions have fallen away with my awareness turned up A BUNCH. Mushrooms helped reset things and everything, so I then could really do the sober work, but the sober work is really the important part for keeping sobriety. 
 

Much love, I’ll always keep this post in the back of my head, man. 
 

Thank you so much. You just provided tons of value. 

[James123]

@EntheogenTruthSeeker i was addictive to heroin and meth. I am completely clean since 2016.  If you need further advice you can pm to me. 

[Javfly33]

I can relate, more or less to you, in a less intense way but overall in the last year. The last year every fucking weekend I had to be high or numb on something. Like I wouldn´t conceived have a sober day on a weekend.

I have realized it was my monkey mind. I was just trying to escape my monkey mind.

Inspect what really doesn´t let you be Ok with just taking just a sober walk around town or nature.

Maybe it´s the monkey mind telling you stuff? Probably it is. Most of cases that people say "man i Have ADHD!" It just an endless internal monologue of negative things or beliefs happenning that obivously, can´t let you be/concentrate.

I mean I am not going to lie to you, some people are definetely driven to make their lifes more intense and profound because they can´t get satisfied with simple things all the time, and that´s why things from art to enlightment exist. But... that shouldn´t be confused with the need that you say that you have to be numb or high every night so you can sit still and be comfortable with yourself.

Edited May 3, 2020 by Javfly33