Relationship stuff pls help

[Aquarius]

Heyyy whatsup?

I found a guy and we are in a relationship now. He is tall, kinda smart, loves to talk, shares my interests, very kind. Can't see him because of CoVid quarantines..

Sometimes I feel like I wish I was single. This has nothing to do with him, but I enjoyed being single. I could make love with whoever I wanted, I could talk about anything with anyone without restriction, etc etc. I had many choices, and I liked the freedom. 

Relationships naturally come with certain responsibilities and for some reason I feel suffocated. Idk why is that. It's bad enough that I cannot see him because of the pandemic, but even then I just feel like I miss my freedom. I did meet his parents, I am friends with his sister's daughter on Facebook, they are all very kind with me. I feel like a new family member, which is nice. 

He is the first person I can actually bring home and stay with him at home for long hours, my parents like him because he is very nice and smart.

I feel like I lost my freedom, I used to be in a phase when I liked to explore life and meet people and just explore their minds and bodies.

Then he came into my life so suddenly, and I liked him and I was single so we got together.

We are not having sex at all because it's kinda hard with both of our families being around. I don't really mind since I never been the horny type, I just wish I could explore that part of me more, even if it;s kinda impossible with the pandemic. 

So what do you think guys? Maybe I should ask him for some breaks sometime in the relationship where I go explore other people and he does too? I don't want this to ruin the relationship because he is a very stable and kind guy who never makes fun of me and idk.

I just feel it is very new. For me being single always felt better. It's nice to feel I am someone's lover, but it can get frustrating and boring sometime.

Any thoughts?

[Gili Trawangan]

25 minutes ago, Aquarius said:

Any thoughts?

Yes, don't do it.

You sound selfish in this post. Have you thought about how he would feel about this? Has he ever demonstrated any desire to make it non-monogamous? 

Either have a relationship or don't, but you can't have it both ways. Think about other people's feelings.

[Aquarius]

4 minutes ago, Gili Trawangan said:

Yes, don't do it.

You sound selfish in this post. Have you thought about how he would feel about this? Has he ever demonstrated any desire to make it non-monogamous? 

Either have a relationship or don't, but you can't have it both ways. Think about other people's feelings.

I don't see why am I selfish for having ideas and wants. 

But you might be right, I either have a relationship or I don't.

[max duewel]

Hello, 

it is very tricky I found myself in a similar situation with my Girlfriend.

Maybe if you are unsure just try to tell him the truth about how you feel and you are not sure on how to handle it.

Probably you guys will find a solution or gain more clarity that way. ( Worked for me quite well, but I'm still struggling a bit)

 

[Aquarius]

10 minutes ago, max duewel said:

Hello, 

it is very tricky I found myself in a similar situation with my Girlfriend.

Maybe if you are unsure just try to tell him the truth about how you feel and you are not sure on how to handle it.

Probably you guys will find a solution or gain more clarity that way. ( Worked for me quite well, but I'm still struggling a bit)

 

Hey.

Yes I know. How did you handle the situation in the end?

I might tell him, I am just waiting a bit more, for the right timing you know. We are very honest with each other, he will understand and we will find a solution.

[max duewel]

It was super hard for me to be upfront about stuff like this but if you guys have an honest and open communication I'm sure you can find a way.

Just make sure you actually do it there won't be the perfect moment and its also kinda unfair for him not knowing where you stand.

It is my first Girlfriend and I'm still confused about whats the right thing to do.

Through having a very deep talk, where I told her upfront of how I feel, what my values are, and how I imagine my future we sorted out a lot of stuff and I got more clear about what I want.

I am still together with my Girlfriend we have a Long Distance Relationship but knowing that I can be so honest and open with her gave me back some of the freedom I felt I was lacking.

Try to be as honest as possible that's what I found is the most useful thing in those situations.

All the best.

 

 

 

Edited March 26, 2020 by max duewel

[Aquarius]

@max duewel Yeah, you're right. I will try to do that. Thanks

[max duewel]

You're welcome 

[NoSelfSelf]

Problem here is that hes very kind ?

[Elisabeth]

@Aquarius I'm all for honest communication about relationships, desires and non-monogamy, but I don't think the onset of a pandemic is the best time to either go explore with new people or have a hard relationship talk. I also think your desire for others is probably skewed by not being able to touch him right now. I think what you should be doing now is taking a step into the relationship, staying close and supporting each other through times of upheaval. If any of you is emotional about the global situation at all (which literally everyone is now), at least for a few weeks, don't have hard talks.  

Edited March 26, 2020 by Elisabeth

[egoeimai]

7 hours ago, Aquarius said:

Heyyy whatsup?

I found a guy and we are in a relationship now. He is tall, kinda smart, loves to talk, shares my interests, very kind. Can't see him because of CoVid quarantines..

Sometimes I feel like I wish I was single. This has nothing to do with him, but I enjoyed being single. I could make love with whoever I wanted, I could talk about anything with anyone without restriction, etc etc. I had many choices, and I liked the freedom. 

Relationships naturally come with certain responsibilities and for some reason I feel suffocated. Idk why is that. It's bad enough that I cannot see him because of the pandemic, but even then I just feel like I miss my freedom. I did meet his parents, I am friends with his sister's daughter on Facebook, they are all very kind with me. I feel like a new family member, which is nice. 

He is the first person I can actually bring home and stay with him at home for long hours, my parents like him because he is very nice and smart.

I feel like I lost my freedom, I used to be in a phase when I liked to explore life and meet people and just explore their minds and bodies.

Then he came into my life so suddenly, and I liked him and I was single so we got together.

We are not having sex at all because it's kinda hard with both of our families being around. I don't really mind since I never been the horny type, I just wish I could explore that part of me more, even if it;s kinda impossible with the pandemic. 

So what do you think guys? Maybe I should ask him for some breaks sometime in the relationship where I go explore other people and he does too? I don't want this to ruin the relationship because he is a very stable and kind guy who never makes fun of me and idk.

I just feel it is very new. For me being single always felt better. It's nice to feel I am someone's lover, but it can get frustrating and boring sometime.

Any thoughts?

Hello girl how are you ?

Long time no talk. 

Yes, you can talk to each other, tell him what you are telling us now. He open be vulnerable. He will understand if he loves you truly. 

The best relationship you can have is the one with yourself. If you are okay with yourself, then everything falls into place. So your needs and desires must come first. 

Communication is the best way to go. 

 

? Stay safe. 

[universe]

15 hours ago, Aquarius said:

Then he came into my life so suddenly, and I liked him and I was single so we got together.

We are not having sex at all

he is a very stable and kind guy who never makes fun of me and idk.

Any thoughts?

 

You are not in a real relationship. Go on, mingle with the others. He probably does the same.

It seems like you are really young (under 18) so its allright. You will find the right one. Or maybe its not the right time right now.

But what you are describing is not a real romantic relationship to me. If it was you would not be here asking these questions, you would be working on your dreams together and thinking about ways to deepen your relationship. What does he want, what are his needs (and he would think the same). In your mind you already decided that this is not the right guy for you, he is not your man. He is a man who is nice and all but there are so many out there who are also nice and funny and you like them as well.

[mandyjw]

Have you taken the time to really think about what you want from a relationship? Sometimes when we don't take the time to make intentions and discover what our preferences are, we spend all our time focusing on the parts of life that we're missing out on or frustrated by. We take opportunities as they come, complain about things as we see things we don't want and feel tossed about by life. All of this happens because we weren't bold enough to define for ourselves what we want. Because we don't do that we also don't appreciate the things we want and love that we already have. We've trained our brains to look for problems. 

It's also possible that you feel restricted and limited in a much more general sense right now by the pandemic, which we can't control, so we can try to zoom in on a part of life we can control and convince ourselves that it's more responsible for how we feel than it actually is. Sitting with, examining and getting curious about the feeling itself is really important.

The key for women especially in a long term relationship is to always make your pleasure (not sexual pleasure but not excluding it) come first. Have things you're interested in, excited about, curious about, have goals and dreams that light you up. Write them down, big and small. Then the relationship stuff just happens and unfolds naturally, it's fun and spontaneous because that's your true nature and you're fully allowing and living that true nature. Otherwise expectations of having someone else being responsible for our happiness and fulfillment creep in and ruin our happiness, and we mistakenly blame the other person. 

Edited March 27, 2020 by mandyjw

[Aquarius]

On 3/26/2020 at 6:19 PM, NoSelfSelf said:

Problem here is that hes very kind ?

What ya mean

im also kind heyyy *puppy face* :'(

[Aquarius]

On 3/26/2020 at 6:35 PM, Elisabeth said:

@Aquarius I'm all for honest communication about relationships, desires and non-monogamy, but I don't think the onset of a pandemic is the best time to either go explore with new people or have a hard relationship talk. I also think your desire for others is probably skewed by not being able to touch him right now. I think what you should be doing now is taking a step into the relationship, staying close and supporting each other through times of upheaval. If any of you is emotional about the global situation at all (which literally everyone is now), at least for a few weeks, don't have hard talks.  

Nah im serious. And it's not the pandemic. I'd rather be single and masturbate with cute guys. 

And noooo I will visit my fuccbois next year coz me scared of virus haha thanks hun

Very compassionate vibe Eli. I felt what you meant. Touched me. Really. 

But I dislike relationships. Ew. I start to realise how worthless they are in my life. I want freedom

[Aquarius]

On 3/26/2020 at 7:10 PM, egoeimai said:

Hello girl how are you ?

Long time no talk. 

Yes, you can talk to each other, tell him what you are telling us now. He open be vulnerable. He will understand if he loves you truly. 

The best relationship you can have is the one with yourself. If you are okay with yourself, then everything falls into place. So your needs and desires must come first. 

Communication is the best way to go. 

 

? Stay safe. 

I hope you are safe gurl. Long time no talk! Defo sliding in the dm's..

Yes I will talk to him. If he understands, he matters. If he doesn't, bye boi.  

Comminication is very strong with Gemini and Aquarius.

 

Do you want a tarot reading gurlllllll im turquoise and i become a medium recently I can talk to ya angels hun

[Aquarius]

On 3/27/2020 at 3:31 AM, universe said:

 

You are not in a real relationship. Go on, mingle with the others. He probably does the same.

It seems like you are really young (under 18) so its allright. You will find the right one. Or maybe its not the right time right now.

But what you are describing is not a real romantic relationship to me. If it was you would not be here asking these questions, you would be working on your dreams together and thinking about ways to deepen your relationship. What does he want, what are his needs (and he would think the same). In your mind you already decided that this is not the right guy for you, he is not your man. He is a man who is nice and all but there are so many out there who are also nice and funny and you like them as well.

idk i wanna be in an open relationship where we are serious 2 months and open relationship 1 month

im 22

our goals are business

but i a value alone time so yes boiiiii i need to mingle ugh

not because of sex im just a social being and i never had a life just a laptop and forums

wanna do pickup with cute bois and girl #datbisexualvibes

Hugs and thanks for the insights and the compliment. I wish I was 15

Edited April 11, 2020 by Aquarius

[Aquarius]

On 3/27/2020 at 1:36 PM, mandyjw said:

Have you taken the time to really think about what you want from a relationship? Sometimes when we don't take the time to make intentions and discover what our preferences are, we spend all our time focusing on the parts of life that we're missing out on or frustrated by. We take opportunities as they come, complain about things as we see things we don't want and feel tossed about by life. All of this happens because we weren't bold enough to define for ourselves what we want. Because we don't do that we also don't appreciate the things we want and love that we already have. We've trained our brains to look for problems. 

It's also possible that you feel restricted and limited in a much more general sense right now by the pandemic, which we can't control, so we can try to zoom in on a part of life we can control and convince ourselves that it's more responsible for how we feel than it actually is. Sitting with, examining and getting curious about the feeling itself is really important.

The key for women especially in a long term relationship is to always make your pleasure (not sexual pleasure but not excluding it) come first. Have things you're interested in, excited about, curious about, have goals and dreams that light you up. Write them down, big and small. Then the relationship stuff just happens and unfolds naturally, it's fun and spontaneous because that's your true nature and you're fully allowing and living that true nature. Otherwise expectations of having someone else being responsible for our happiness and fulfillment creep in and ruin our happiness, and we mistakenly blame the other person. 

Hello Mandy

I have like 20 hobbies which are serious

and a time consuming at-home work (freelance)

it's not the pandemic, im just polygamous

but idk. I took the time to think. I wanna mingle. I'm a young girl so I wanna explore my body

That's all. Thanks for taking the time to write such beautiful message. All the best hun