>> Billiesimon's Self Inquiry Diary - Let's blast through the matrix

[billiesimon]

HEALING THE SHADOWS

I've been away for some days now, because of a lot of ups and downs.

But I still kept my daily onenote diary  

 

And have made more progress in my shadows.

I have healed another little bit of shyness and self worth.

Yeah, I am important, I am free.

I am part of this immensely valuable existence.

?????????

[billiesimon]

I've also... finally... had my FIRST spiritual awakening ever!!!!

I am speechless... yet I've found some beatutiful and poetic words to describe it.

I 
LOVE 
YOU
TOO

 

Edited May 11, 2020 by billiesimon

[billiesimon]

I don't know what to think anymore.

Was my first small awakening bad?

Sometimes I feel like it was.

 

These days have been very rough on me emotionally. I got depressed for nothing, very easily.

Today I've been really really depressed, hating my job, hating myself, hating my life, hating this fake illusion.

And craving to dissolve into infinity.

 

Yet... there's something that tells me that I might be healing, and not degrading.

 

I don't know.

 

Starting to wake up is harsher than I thought. It's not that pleasant.

 

Well... it is greatly pleasant when the breakthrough happens, but now that I'm back into the illusion I feel lost.

I have prayed today.

I'm not a religious person, I've been an atheist for years.

I have prayed because Consciousness hears me. I know it does. I know it wants to help me.

 

Please, don't abandon me now.

Please.

 

 

Wake me up more, don't let me die physically. I want to help this world to heal, this is my mission.

Please, help me, give me the strenght.

I love you too ?

[billiesimon]

Now I cannot speak
I lost my voice
I'm speechless and redundant
Cause "I Love You" is not enough
I'm lost for words

???????????????

 

I feel better when I sing, I feel like a child again.

I've never been so authentic and innocent in my life, now that something inside me is dying.

Help me to heal, hear me.

I promise I will help the world to heal ???

[billiesimon]

I'm back - A lot has happened

 

My small awakening has created a lot of chaos in my life.

I've quit my job. The toxic environment and excessive tension has led me to become insane and quit it.

Even though I'm sad that I have to look for another job, my awareness feels free and that I have done the right thing. 

 

I was almost instructed by my emotions and consciousness to quit this toxic job environment.

 

I'm also going "bipolar" because of the continuous ups and downs of my mood, and ego backlashes.

I'm also a lot more connected to Infinity when I'm meditating or walking alone in nature.

Even though a lot of things have fallen down, I have the strong sensation that bad things have to collapse before the new me can arise.

? I trust ?

? ? ? ? ? ? ?

 

[billiesimon]