Please help

[PlayTheGame]

I really dont know how to go forward, im 20 years old and next year im going to college, and i want to become hardcore at selfactualisation, reading books, doing fitness, doing exercises etc. But right now all of this seems impossible to do. Why?

Because almost 24/7 i’m thinking of spiritual questions like no-self etc. It just feels so weird having all these other people around me, and that there is one person who is “me”.

Basically the first person perspective feels so weird. And i cannot focus on anything. I might be reading a book, and then suddenly think to myself, “who is reading now” and that just takes my inspiration away, it all just becomes so meaningless and confusing. Its like intrusive spiritual thoughts. This has also increased my social anxiety. I used to be insecure about how I look etc but now it feels like im insecure about whether i even exist. The weird thing is i also have solipsistic thoughts, which i really hate. It all basically stems from the question: why am I me? This just doesnt make sense at all, considering we are all one, yet im having this individual experience of this particular guy.

all these feelings started after having a weed induced spiritual experience i had like 5 weeks ago, which was really fearful. Now i dont know if what im feeling right now is just ego backlash or actual depersonalisation/derrealization disorder.

If i had my own home and enough money etc I would probably just pursue awakening and do psychedelics. But im about to go to college, and i want to pursue self actualisation and my music production skills. But now it feels so meaningless and unreal i cant find any motivation for it. Beside those things that i want for myself i need to make money so that i can support my parents in a few years because they probably wont have the money to do it themselves.

I need all the advice you guys can give me to stop thinking about these questions, so i can focus on basic self actualisation, making money and going to college.

thanks guys.

[Mo0ngrass]

The harder you fight yourself, the more unwanted situations will arise. Let yourself have the thoughts and acknowledge them but then let them pass, don't get caught up in them. Stay present in your mind and on what you are doing. 

I have two children, a job and my spiritual calling all vying for my attention, thinking about it is a waste of time, I don't  repress thought I let it arise, thank it and stay tuned in my senses while achieving my goals for the day. If I follow the thought rabbit, I will surely get lost inside and lose balance. Stay grounded in yourself while accomplishing things, any experiences are ok and will pass. 

Pushing the wheelbarrow is not hard, thinking about it is. 

Love.

[Preety_India]

I suspect some derealization that has happened because of the weed. I'm not sure if it goes away. 

Do not buy into the thinking that "I'm no self" because it affects everyday life. Maybe in the spiritual context it feels good to experience an ego death and all the fancy stuff but ground reality means that you just have to play by the rules of the world whether you like it or not. 

Your basic spirituality can include becoming more compassionate to everyone. At your age this would be more than enough. 

Understand that the world of spirituality is a bit complicated and can be disillusioning for a young person who doesn't have enough life experience. It can be a bit dangerous to follow new age spirituality schools of thinking because they can seriously interfere everyday functioning. You can't live like a hermit. 

Just try to be normal. Focus on how to improve your life and keep spirituality to a minimum. What you are going through can be described as an existential crisis also. 

The best thing is to focus in the moment and make a list of your short term and long term goals and start preparing and achieving them. 

Focus on college and job prospects. Dating etc. 

These are practical things to focus on. Spirituality will not put butter on the table. 

You can do spirituality as a fringe study. But your core focus should be on self improvement or Personal Development. 

Hopefully the weed effect will die down in a few months. Don't experiment with drugs that aren't mentally safe. People get weird symptoms with such things. You don't need it. 

 

Remove those solipsistic thoughts. Focus on being your natural self and living a healthy happy productive life. 

 

[PlayTheGame]

thanks guys for the replies!
 

@Preety_IndiaThank you so much for this lengthy reply, it means a lot. I will keep the spirituality down and not do any drugs anymore. 

When you say “remove the solipsistic thoughts” what do you mean? I cant just remove thoughts. Just observe them? Or do you know another technique?

Thanks again.

Edited March 19, 2020 by PlayTheGame

[Preety_India]

@PlayTheGame try to avoid those questions or thoughts. Those thoughts are steering you a away from real development. 

Those thoughts are sometimes okay when you are totally free. But constantly engaging those thoughts is pure distraction from development. 

When you get those thoughts, label them as distraction and then focus on the work at hand. 

 

[PlayTheGame]

❤️❤️