My 5 am journal

[Artiekee]

Hey Codrina, how is it going?

 

[Codrina]

24 days. 24 days of me lingering around the same issues. Waking up at 7 am most days, not doing much work - some, non the less. 

Did a lot of introspection. Started a new habit of writing 3 pages every morning before getting out of bed. I like it. I want to make it a habit of writing them at my desk, though. I think it might make me start my day with more ease. 

I had a few good insights and ideas in this time. I did not go through with the water fast. But I kept away from my friend. I am still trying to figure out the dynamics. What are the needs i am not meeting for myself? Awareness alone is not curative. 

It just hit me that I never dropped the story. I was wondering how does dropping the story help with a situation, cause I am dealing with a narcissist again. And I thought I had dropped the story of me being raised by a narcissistic father and the sort of issues it had caused, but I just realized I never did. I actually just tried to fix the problem that story has created. I was able to detach from it to some degree, but never actually dropped it.

I guess it's time to drop that story. 

Wisdom towards self:

The fact that your father is a narcissist and didn't have your needs met as a child does not have to define you. It is not a life sentence unless you choose it to be. If you did not get acceptance, understanding and attention as a child, you are free to offer all of that to yourself now. If your opinions and needs were not taken seriously, you can take yourself seriously now. HOW YOU FEEL MATTERS!

 

[Codrina]

On 4/6/2020 at 2:22 PM, Artiekee said:

Your exposure to cold water, is that inspired by Wim Hof?

Yes, I saw him on Tom Bilyeu's show and I started the cold showers the very next day. I enjoyed them a lot - I guess it was the feeling of over coming something difficult and feeling refreshed afterwards. So, I keep them going. I only had 4 really cold baths, one of them in a frozen lake. 

And I don't do the breathing exercises. I don't have the patience for that. But, when in the shower, the breath intensifies - you naturally breathe in deep into the belly and fill up your lungs to maximum capacity and barely exhale. 

[Codrina]

6:30 today, 6:30 Friday.

I think I went through a manic phase. I wonder if it was triggered by the tub on chocolate ice-cream I decided to have Thursday morning, or was it just the changes in astrological energies. Or maybe the change in energy guided me to that tub of  ice-cream, so it would trigger a manic phase, so I would open to the powerful insights, open to the immense flow - i guess it's a mystery for now. Whether spirit worked through the material to help open up my mind or not, the effect is the same. 

I was inspired to finally put my goals on paper.

In mid April I decided to take the next three months to implement the new habits I want and to work towards my goals. So, I decided to give my self all the time I need to recover, to cry, to rest, to do work as much as I feel like and before the first day of May, to set up my plan. So, on 30th of April I did exactly that. I took a few hours - I thought about what I want to accomplish within the next 5 years - I then wrote down what I can do each year. 

I then looked at the first year and wrote down what I can do this next three months. I then took the first month and wrote what I can do every week. I then took every week and placed the goals throughout the days, so as to give time to everything - goals, rest, enjoyment, daily responsibilities, unseen events.

I then created a morning/ daily routine to guide me through all of it. 

I placed it all on my vision board. I have been slowly adding things to it, since February, after I finished arranging my new home. It is, finally, complete.

Doing this triggered a huge wave of excitement. It came with a huge burst of energy, vision, inspiration, Thursday and Friday night I had to take my notebook and write down the ideas which were coming, cause they would not let me sleep. I slept for about 3 hours both nights. Woke up excited every day and kept to the plan. I progressed a lot with my website and I finally have the all the steps I need to take written down in front of me. Last night I got a good 7 hours sleep. So, I think I am slowly settling into the new energy. 

I feel grateful and excited. 

 

[Artiekee]

I'm always curious about vision boards, want to share it?

It seems like making a plan, goals, a daily routine, and writing it all out gives you the clarity, inner peace and motivation you've been looking for. Good to hear!

Do you have the intention to create a new schedule at the beginning of every new week/3months/year, to keep this clarity?

 

[Codrina]

My vision board is there to remind me of the direction I want to go. It contains the people which influenced me and I highly admire, my artistic concept, a  list of high vibration words, a list of my values , my dream relationship and my newly  created schedule -  the outlaid plan for the first month - daily/morning  routine -  the morning part is highly important for me now,  the next two months I left opened (they are basically a rotation between work on a weekly illustrated story, a weekly video, weekly work on jewellery) - this is year is dedicated to my financial independence and self-sufficiency - that implies getting my work out there - website, social media, doing the actual labor - a lot of ideas were given to me in the last few years and it took me a while to get here to be able to materialize them.

 You can see I left space to complete actions as time goes by. The month of May is laid out with a few daily goals - between one and 4, depending on the day. I left most evenings opened for different activities as time goes on. At the end of each day I write accomplishments I see fit to write there - tiny space and I have other writing habits as well. 

5 hours ago, Artiekee said:

Do you have the intention to create a new schedule at the beginning of every new week/3months/year, to keep this clarity?

I only scheduled my daily routine. I pointed goals to reach in different time frames. As my work grows and develops, new goals will be born. 

The intention is to keep my daily routine. No matter what. Saturday is a resting day. I keep that for fun activities within the same structure. I wish to wake up, go to sleep, eat and work at the same time every day. I am dedicating the next three months to this. It takes 90 days to install new habits. At the end of the three months I'll set goals for the next three. This year is all about developing my work and putting out there.

 My goal for next year is to work towards family and friends (as in get me some). I might ease into it this year, but it is not a priority.  

The five year plan sits on my right on the wall in my work room (the vision board is in the bedroom). On the five year plan I outlined in more detail the first year. I might share that one at the end of this three months. I am a bit nervous about that now.

Hope this helps (I might dedicate one evening to write my daily routine and the five year plan prettier)

[Codrina]

6 am today ?

Making progress. I kept fairy easy to the schedule. I guess I nailed the start this time. 

The hardest thing is getting out of bed. The alarm rings at 5, I push it half an hour, it rings again, I turn it off, I dream some more, I wake up - it's 6.

I have to get out of bed, but I feel tired. I want to sleep. Hello resistance. It only takes, for me to get up to beat it; so I stand, walk a couple of steps and write, satisfied, 6:00, next to the 5am on my schedule.

I lay lazy on the floor and do some exercises. I start to, slowly, wake up. Finish with a few push ups and go for a cold shower.

I feel refreshed. I make myself a cup of coffee, a bit of soy milk and take a sit at my desk for the three pages.

I relax, enjoy the coffee and put my thoughts on paper. What a beautiful morning. The three pages are done. It's 7:20. Time for work. 

The rest of the day runs smoothly. Now, in bed with a book. Going to sleep soon.

Good night 

 

[Codrina]

6:20 this morning after being waked up at 4:22 by some in the street. 

 I am happy to see I stick to my daily routine and don't encounter huge resistance. I must've done something right. 

Website is going well. I can't wait to see it done. ?

Over all, still feeling tired, but calm. The mania wore off. I wonder when the sadness will kick in

 

[Codrina]

6:05am. What a beautiful day.

I am amazed at how my routine is going.

Today, I had set 3 goals. Write the first story and sketch the illustration for it. I started the morning with the story. It was in my Evernote journal since December. I read and rewrote it until it sounded right ( you know, all the proper writing techniques - repeating words, concrete ideas, phrases,etc). 

It surprised me to see it was done 3 min before 9am. Went for a run, prepared breakfast and 10:50am sat down to draw. I finished the sketch by 1:59pm. When I saw the clock I stopped and wondered. 

I had lunch and at 3:15pm went out for a walk. Played with the dogs. 

My third goal for the day was a session of Yoga. I looked into a few on YouTube and went for a 40 min Vinyasa one. It was a lot of fun. I could not stand on my hands, but Tuesday is Yoga day, so, looking forward to when I'll manage to do that as well.

It was a bit over 5pm when I finished with Yoga. I sat to meditate for 15 min.  Thought about some manual, non cognitive work to do. It was a rainy day, so didn't feel like painting my balcony in the cold and wet weather.

I took ' The Artist's Way ' exercises for this week; looked over them and did 3. At 7 I had some fruit for dinner and then a nice walk, combined with some running.

Now in bed, going to sleep soon.

I am happy to see the morning routine is working well. I still need to tweak a bit the post lunch one. My body requires a proper meal at 2pm and preparing and eating my meals takes me around 1:20 min - I was always a slow eater.

Overall, pleased with my progress. Thank you, spirit!

[Codrina]

6:15 yesterday. I stuck to the routine in a good mood throughout the day.

Today is the 7th day and I woke up 5:15 

It is the first square I got to fill in. So happy. Work is going well, the routine is working. I am very excited.

My mood is stable so far. I can see my mind getting a bit more active, but I catch it before it takes over and release the energies.

I like Michael Singer's method of releasing blocked energy, which creates uncomfortable thoughts. 

Good night  

[Codrina]

5:40

Keeping it going! Yeah! Second square to colour.

Kept to my routine and for the evening , relaxing work I painted my balcony. It's been raining for a week or so, but today was mostly sunny and warm. I can't wait to have my - before 6am - coffee there.

My veggies are growing as well. I see a beautiful summer ahead.

Day off tomorrow. I'm not sure what I want to do yet. Go running to the lake or relax at home and paint.

With all this work I've been putting into my website, I would enjoy painting for a change.

I'll let my morning pages decide.

Cup of tea and a book. Good night

 

[Codrina]

Saturday 6:07 Sunday 6:04 Monday 5:20 Today 6:15

It seems that 6 am is my new natural. Out of 12 days three were 5 something.  

That's progress. I went from 8:30 to 7 and now 6. 

By the end of the three months, 5 am will be the new normal

I kept to my routine and my goals. I am feeling a bit tired today and my mood is not as great, but I feel at peace and certain.

I have enjoyed painting for the last few days. I am happy I've structured my working days to alternate between website, painting, jewelry, writing. 

It makes the work easier. As soon as I get tired of working on one thing, I get to move to another, then another, then circle back. It keeps things fresh and interesting. 

 

[Artiekee]

Nice to read it's going well :).

I'm also aiming to wake up at 06:00, really curious how this will effect my energy level / mood etc.  

[Codrina]

5:35 today. Yesterday 6:15, Thursday 5:15, Wednesday 6:05. Keeping to my routine.

Today is my day off. I woke up, did the morning exercise, had a worm bath, coffee with my three pages and then I cooked breakfast. Packed it all, took my dog and my backpack and went for a swim.

I just finished having breakfast. I have another 20 min of walking/running to the lake. I am sitting to let the food settle. 

I am happy I decided to come. I was in doubt when I woke up because of the cloudy weather. But I think the sun will be out soon and the view was magical.

 

[Codrina]

@Artiekee  Good luck! I am really enjoying my new routine. I felt tired the first week and a bit. I am getting used to it now. It feels easy. Like I get less resistance and my body feels light (I think that has a lot to do with me keeping an all clean, whole foods vegan diet - no sugar, no flour, just a dash of olive oil)

Pictures from today, to whom ever wishes to admire. I had a lot of fun. 21 km of woodland, 1580m cumulative climb, maximum speed 23km/h, average speed 5.3km/h (return included).  The water was 'warm' enough that I could actually swim and even my dog joined me (she didn't for the last 3 or 4 baths I had because of the ice cold water)

https://photos.app.goo.gl/mNM6Lc8yxzL4jMLZ9

[Codrina]

Sunday 5:35 Monday 6:05 Today 5:17. 

Getting there. Slowly but surely. 

I rewrote the daily routine to better fit afternoon and evening. 

We'll see how it goes. Today was Yoga day. It was really good. My body is getting stronger. I managed to stand on my hands for a bit. 

Within the easy work hours I schedule activities like grocery shopping, cleaning, Yoga, and actual work when there are no other obligations. 

In the near future I will schedule guitar lessons ? and socializing within the same structure.

I had planned to launch everything at the end of the month. I might have to stretch within the first week of June, as well.

We'll see how it goes

I can feel the anxiousness creeping every time I think I am approaching the finish line - completely exposing myself to the world. Scares me to some level. I was pondering the feeling this morning, while writing my morning pages. It's the same feeling I had every time I jumped out of the plane, heart beating faster, tingling within the hands and feet; and I would push through it, out the door and the air would hit me in the face and then silence. Total calm, floating, watching the horizon. 

I am hoping to find the same feeling once I throw myself out of this plane.

 

[Codrina]

I forgot to upload the picture. 

[Artiekee]

Have you heard of the ayurverdic clock? And is that the way you try to arrange your schedule?

[Codrina]

@Artiekee Hei.

No, haven't heard of it. I did hear about Ayurveda, and read a bit about it. Nothing about a clock.

I have read 'Rest' and it talks a lot about the importance of work intertwined with rest. Of getting up early for intensive work. Of how different successful people used to organise their days. I am just trying to make it work for me and my dog.

I wish to have time in the day for all activities.

5:44 today 

Woke up from a dream with my 'friend'. I guess I am still going through the motions. I looked up 5:44 meaning and the first results were Matthew 5:44 'But I say to you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which spitefully use you, and persecute you; ' I guess it was Spirit's way of telling me he is not my friend and I should love him and be kind.

Oh, well, I did all of that. I just didn't want to believe he's my enemy, because a part of me knew. 

The rest of the day was good. Kept to my schedule, except for the evening read. It was a rainy day today. Cleaned the house on good rhythms, dancing and singing. 

[Codrina]

5:44 yesterday, 5:50 today.

Last night took me a while to fall asleep. Must've been the New Moon. But I still woke up before 6am. ?

Today I painted the first jewelry sets. I wasn't planning on sharing any of the work until the launch, but I am so grateful for the inspiration and so thrilled of the results, that I just can't help myself. 

On another note, the routine is going well.