I dont like self actualizing myself anymore

[Shiva99]

I'm fed up with it. It's just not working out for me. My life is becoming more of a hell with it. I don't like reading, meditating, exercising whatever it is that "improves" me, because i have to pressure myself like a maniac to do it. It doesn't come naturally to me at all. All these " to do " lists that i have in the back of my mind day in day out are just putting an insane amount of stress on my body and mind. How is this supposed to better me? I think i was born to be a slacker because that's all i'm doing, really. I know what i have to do, but again HAVE not want, love, like, but HATE to do. I don't believe this is how it works at all. I'm so fucking frustrated with myself. 

[4201]

7 minutes ago, Shiva99 said:

I'm fed up with it. It's just not working out for me. My life is becoming more of a hell with it. I don't like reading, meditating, exercising whatever it is that "improves" me, because i have to pressure myself like a maniac to do it. It doesn't come naturally to me at all. All these " to do " lists that i have in the back of my mind day in day out are just putting an insane amount of stress on my body and mind. How is this supposed to better me? I think i was born to be a slacker because that's all i'm doing, really. I know what i have to do, but again HAVE not want, love, like, but HATE to do. I don't believe this is how it works at all. I'm so fucking frustrated with myself. 

Then instead of trying to push yourself to do A, B, C up to Z and living the story of being frustrated about the fact you can't do all of that, make your number 1 priority to be free of self pressure and self frustration and once you are free, implement the habits you actually want to have one at the time while always maintaining mental peace as your first priority before the habit itself. 

[Elham]

May I ask what is your "to do list"??

[Treetalk]

There is such a thing as trying too hard to fix yourself and actualized.org can push some people down this path. It makes people think they can control everything and have a positive outcome if they simply do x, y, z. The way you’re feeling right now may be a sign that you need to let go for a while and stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Just do the things you enjoy and are passionate about. You will soon find yourself exercising and reading just because you want to. 

[Hansu]

To self actualize is to become best version of one self. If you achieve things other actualizators value but you dont, have you really self actualized?

@4201 put it down nicely.

[SgtPepper]

One thing at a time, one day at a time.

If you don't like improving at something, then thats fine. At some point, slacking around will catch up to you and you'll realize how shitty it is to do it.

[Mada_]

The work, in my experience, isn't about pushing and shoving to get somewhere. It is slow, and almost all internal. Yes if you go for a run today you may burn some calories, but you may want some chocolate tomorrow and have no reason not to binge. 

Remember what Leo says about vision, start to cultivate that vision. Your mind probably doesn't want to, and because you have a habit of pushing and shoving yourself to do "productive" things, it may even hurt your head trying to picture what you want. My advice is to just get the vision ball rolling, and allow the process to become slow, Ernest and introspective. 

You don't like reading, meditating etc. Okay, what do you like? Ffs there has to be something, think back time when you felt creatively inspired or felt like you were I evolved in something genuinely worthwhile. And then begin that exploration.

 

[GrowthPilgrim]

Seems like you didn't find your life purpose yet. Keep exploring new areas that you do like

[Rigel]

Well you could stop it for a while and see how it goes. There's no need to do any of this If you don't want to. 

You might really dig the practices once you suffer enough.

I agree with the folks up here also. Life purpose is huge. What are you passionate about?

[dvdas]

@Shiva99 hey man. it seems you are escaping the ideology and start thinking for your self. that is very good, it will be tough thought, stay strong there. you must rest, but commit to figure out your life, comfort brings no lasting fulfillment if any at all. wish you the best

[Matt23]

Leo 

- Let the process unfold organically.  No need to force it  (paraphrasing)

Tom Campbell

- A guy told him he's feeling like there's this huge urge to do spiritual work, and that it pushes him beyond what he's wanting to do.

-Tom Campbell responded by saying "Don't let it push you around.  Take control over it.  If it's too much, too soon, too fast, it can actually slow your growth."

                -This last quote really helped me change my strategy and be more lenient and easy with myself.  I think it really stopped chronic ego-backlash for me.

Enjoy life too!

 

I was in a similar boat.  affirmations, meditaions, self-inquiry, visualizations, exercise, diet, yada yada yada, daily...

I think I did more harm than good...

I got massive mood swings and ego-backlashes...

Then I just cut all it out...

Now I do 20 minutes of self-inquiry a day (sometimes once every 2 days), meditate when I want (sometimes just 10 minutes a day, sometimes none at all), exercise when I feel like it.

I'm also meeting more people, doing school, and thinking about create a self-sustainable community (my life purpose I think)...

I'm also taking walks, enjoy the beauty, etc.  

I still struggle with emotional issues, but I just apply the methods and techniques I need in the moment.

For example, if I feel I've been in my head too much and need a break, I'll just do 10-20 minutes of do-nothing meditation.

Or if I'm feeling really emotionally wounded, I'll contemplate it, or do some "letting go" technique or "feel into it" technique... etc.

 

[Arcangelo]

On 3/18/2020 at 9:56 AM, Shiva99 said:

I'm fed up with it. It's just not working out for me. My life is becoming more of a hell with it. I don't like reading, meditating, exercising whatever it is that "improves" me, because i have to pressure myself like a maniac to do it. It doesn't come naturally to me at all. All these " to do " lists that i have in the back of my mind day in day out are just putting an insane amount of stress on my body and mind. How is this supposed to better me? I think i was born to be a slacker because that's all i'm doing, really. I know what i have to do, but again HAVE not want, love, like, but HATE to do. I don't believe this is how it works at all. I'm so fucking frustrated with myself. 

Oh man we all have been there!

If it doesn't come naturally fuck it just be a good normal person. I gave up meditation because it doesn't come naturally to me, but when i force myself to do it most of the time I say: -''WTF I don't do this more often?''

What comes naturally to me is health, fitness and nutrition.

 

Arc

[RawJudah]

This path isn’t for everyone... I think for most people we just need some basic self help. Not going too deep with the spiritual stuff. Nobody’s forcing anyone to do anything. There must have been a reason for you to do this work..? 
Quit for a while and see how you feel. You might feel better or you might feel worse.

[Waken]

@Shiva99Bashar, a channeled entity, always talks about following your excitement. He says doing what excites you is the fastest way to raise yourself and bring you where you need to be. Don't worry or think about that which you want to do is able to get you where you want, trust that you'll be supported by life in what you love doing.

You could see this time you've spend as having been a waste, also you could see that by doing what you thought you needed to but didn't want, you become fed up enough for you to create a readiness to try a different approach. 

I found a summary of what he talks about here: https://bashar.org/handouts/TheFormula.pdf . However if you want to gain some confidence that this approach will actually work it might be best to download some videos of him where he talks about it.

Edited March 20, 2020 by Waken

[EddieEddie1995]

If you are on this forum then you wan't to fix something in your life . Why do you want to fix it? How are you negatively motivated for it? Check Leos video on positive vs negative motivation  . If you are lazy then keep one or two practices daily, even if you don't like doing them. Every practice I did when I started selfactualizing was pain in the ass, but that is lower self resisting change.  I forced myself to meditate every day for 6 mouths , and that was the best decision i ever made. Now I meditate 1 hour every day and I enjoy it! This is one of many practices I forced my self doing... 

You forced yourself to hard, find the balance . Keep one or two practices every day, and reward your self for it You lazy sloth

[TKP]

Funny you post this only a few days after I finally became fed up after a year of somewhat mechanical spiritual practice. I don't really know what to do myself. The thought of taking a break and forgetting about it all is scary because I've made it into such an important part of my life and I identify with it.

I know however that I've become conscious enough that I can't just sweep it all under the rug. Seen things that can't be unseen I guess, definitely think I will gravitate back towards self-inquiry at some point if I do take a break.

What's something else you would like to do? Become financially independent? Socialize more? Try out some new hobbies? There's many other ways you can add value to your life.

[Epiphany_Inspired]

 @GrowthPilgrim @Waken Totally! 

@Shiva99 When one has a passion, it helps... we can wake stoked for our actualization work. That said, even with that drive, not all parts of actualizing may be things that seem enjoyable at every stage of development. For example: I dislike cleaning the toilet, but what would happen if I didnt do it? Our bodies and minds are the same... (coated with shit if not worked on... lol)

I  am a terrible backslider so, I caution against backsliding... especially if it can become a downward spiral, for example: what if it eventually progressed to not "enjoying" getting out of bed, eating healthy, and brushing your teeth... I am not suggesting you torture yourself, perhaps contentment comes with acceptance here... IDK...

[from chaos into self]

On 3/18/2020 at 11:56 AM, Shiva99 said:

I'm fed up with it. It's just not working out for me. My life is becoming more of a hell with it. I don't like reading, meditating, exercising whatever it is that "improves" me, because i have to pressure myself like a maniac to do it. It doesn't come naturally to me at all. All these " to do " lists that i have in the back of my mind day in day out are just putting an insane amount of stress on my body and mind. How is this supposed to better me? I think i was born to be a slacker because that's all i'm doing, really. I know what i have to do, but again HAVE not want, love, like, but HATE to do. I don't believe this is how it works at all. I'm so fucking frustrated with myself. 

It sounds like you're pressuring yourself to follow the path others lay out. 

 

I think you should take a break from self actualization, but I recommend not writing it out as bad for you.

I think you just need to find something that does meaningfully work for you, In my opinion self actualization is nothing different from personal development work. Maybe it can be this or that, but at the end of the day it's about growth and maturation, about spiritual health and etc.

and I'm sure you'll see that happen in your life in some way. Focus on ways you grow that you enjoy, you know? Don't give up on the cause just because the means aren't working. 

 

Idk hope my thoughts are helpful

[Conscious life]

self Actualization should be done in enjoying state, you shouldn't force yourself to implement everything that being said. if it is bringing suffering you need to stop. self actualization is sometimes against your servival, your environment, your current state of living and many other factors depend. your ego needs to be erased in enjoying and easy way. it's needs to melt by itself, don't rush, take time enjoy life do it in baby step. 

life should be about enjoyed and growth. balance them.