My ex is requesting me to stay single forever, I don't understand why?

[PlayTheGame]

Good luck with this situation, i hope he leaves you alone. & of course like @Keyholesaid there is nothing wrong with you.

[John Iverson]

On 3/26/2020 at 8:54 PM, Preety_India said:

He used to say bad things to me. Hurt my feelings constantly. He had anger issues. 

If he was angry with someone, he would take it out on me and call me names. 

He was not respectful, he would constantly call me a bitch during our conversations and he wouldn't stop even if I told him to not do it again. 

He is used to use bad language during regular conversation. And make it look like it's no big deal. But I used to feel hurt. 

If he needed my help, I was always there for him. But if I needed any support then he would ignore my feelings and make me look like a bad person. 

He would constantly compare me to other women and tell me that he would leave me for them. But he wouldn't actually do that. 

Once his glass pipe fell and broke during our conversation and he suddenly started calling me names and bad things. Later he would apologize. 

He would make me feel guilty for having him. He would constantly tell me that I didn't deserve him and that he can always get much better women than me. 

That used to lead to a lot of hurtful feelings and fights between us. 

Eventually I got frustrated with the arguments and his constant negative attitude towards me even when I tried to be polite and gentle with him, he would find a reason to hurt my feelings by saying bad things. 

I never felt loved in the relationship, he would shame me if I didn't feel like talking to him. Then he would say "I'm sorry I love you" but then again after a few days he would start talking shit again. 

 

Now when I broke up with him, he plays victim, like I did something bad to him, but he never accepts that he used to hurt me so much. 

He calls me a heart breaker but in reality his behavior broke my heart long time ago but I still cared about him. 

I never had any hate for him but his anger and hate towards me used to upset me a lot. I didn't even do anything to deserve his anger. 

He had problems because of his ex. He was hurt by her. But he used to direct that hurt to me. Anytime he had a bad mood, he would start blaming me for any of his issues. 

I used to feel like I am some monster in the relationship even when I was extremely kind and supportive of him.. I helped him a lot. I helped him become a happy person. I helped him heal out of his depression. I used to make him happy everyday and encourage him and support him when his family wasn't talking to him. 

Once he said to me "without you I am nothing, I wouldn't have made it so far, you were always there for me" 

I made him quit smoking. I made him lead a healthy lifestyle. If he was sad or upset about something, I would help him find a solution. 

I used to make him laugh with jokes and constantly make him happy. He used to be very upset and angry all the time because of his family. 

But over time, I started to feel drained and his anger and bad language started hurting me more. I started running out of patience. He also started flirting with other women and I used to get very angry about that. But he used to say that he will stop that behavior but he would start again.. 

He would tell me that he likes a lot of women and that used to hurt me because I liked only him. 

Once during our fight, he said to me "I have two girls lined up." then I told him "screw you"..... 

He used to trigger my emotions by constantly upsetting me and if I got angry he used to mock me. 

I started to feel more upset and exhausted in the relationship because I never had a chance to express my feelings. He would shut it down. It was only him all the time. I only had to remain silent and listen to him. 

Then he would boast how he can get any woman he wants and he doesn't need me.. 

If I told him that I was hurt, he would ignore it. 

It started affecting my physical health and I began to get depressed and ignoring my health over time. I was a happy person but during my relationship I turned into a sad irritated miserable person. I stopped liking myself. I felt it was my fault.. 

Finally I decided it was too much and I couldn't take his insulting anymore and decided to break up.. 

I did break up with him for the same reason in June 2019 but he tried to win me back with constant begging for me to come back into his life.. So I went back to him. 

But this time I decided it is final. I can do better than be with someone who is constantly insulting me and hurting me. 

Now he tried again to win me back. But I told "No".... I'll never go back to him again. He told me to stay single forever for him. 

But I won't. I'm a happy person after breaking up. I just feel sad that he never respected me during the relationship and I feel betrayal of my trust.. 

Now he acts like a victim but he didn't care when I was feeling hurt. I loved him a lot. But I never felt that he loved me. It always felt like he only wanted me because he needed my support in his life. But it never felt like he actually loved me. 

So now it is very strange that he wants me single and can't see me with another man meanwhile he used to always boast how much he liked other women and that he would leave me instantly if they said yes to him. That part blows me 

 

 

He will comeback!! Comeback is real!! HAHAHAAHHAA! I know you two will comeback.. lets make a bet! ?

Am going to give you some empathy hm...  this guy is very toxic tsk it is been a while since i hear a story like this, cause i am busy working out my self I don't want to meet people except if it is a neighbor hehe i cannot say no.. back to the topic hmm, I don't think you are really firm to your decision.. cuz i know if someone is really firm, if you are firm you will not talk to him anymore.. there i still a communication.. try to restrain yourself communicating with him, totally block him totally in your life forever...

but you still care.. and that care will open a way to make you fall in love again..

i am not an expert about girls but in this kind of situation hahahaha i know what will most likely to happen.. hahaha! 

If you can handle it until you heal yourself then okay fine you win... 

but for now i am encouraging you to really don't give him a chance to talk don't let him make an action to win you back..

i know it is very hard but you can do it...

 

After my insane Psychedelic trip it is good that i read a story like this, to read this kind of story i know i am back! HAHAHAHAHAH

it is very long haha thank you for sharing it hahha!

 

[Preety_India]

21 minutes ago, John Iverson said:

but for now i am encouraging you to really don't give him a chance to talk don't let him make an action to win you back..

Thank you. That's what I'm going to do. 

 

[John Iverson]

48 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Thank you. That's what I'm going to do. 

 

Goodluck, tell me if what will happen 

[Yog]

I can understand him, he is in very dark place right now, trying to get hold of anything he can regarding this relationship, the thing is, its not going to work and it will even make it worse, it drips like water trough his fingers, there is a lot of pain connected to it, the ego can't handle it, it will do anything, blame, project, play victim, play - the above, bait, anything to assure this attachment persists, severing of this connection causes pain, and he tries to establish new connections any way he can, mental, emotional it does not matter. 

How can I relate to it ? Because I did the same in the past, it all sounds way too familiar. It was actually what got me into personal development,act.org and into stage orange. It was a damn heavy chain Tower moment. One where your relationship breaks, your career breaks, your hobbies, health, everything.... and the last question you would be asking is - do I kill myself and end it all, everything around me is pure unknown and chaos anyway.

Luckily there was voice that said - you start from what you know, learn, grow, you've been trough hard times, you'll make it out again. Not everyone will have this voice or more likely listen to it, when the thing hits you, dark portals will open up, leading you to a bottomless pit, baiting you to make that "wrong" choice. Suddenly weird things will become reasonable. You yourself may be the last pillar of light there is for you.

My point with this is, when you will cut him off, it will be the peak of the Tower moment for him, it will all become black. So I think it would be honorable to cut him off at least in a loving and understanding way, so there would be light at the end of the pitch black as he falls. You don't have to, you are not obligated ofc, but it is honorable. It will also help with reducing the chance that he will see you as someone against him, which can turn later into - the whole world is against me, which can turn into - let me make this weird dark choice that may also include you. All this may be an overkill, but still it is worth having it on mind.

Tell him that it is final and that you are not replying any more and commit to it. These would be my thoughts/advice.

Honor yourself, honor the "other", tell the truth, bow, turn away, start walking, accept whatever may from that interaction. That is what I would do.

I wish you well too. Just wrote this in this spirit so you may understand better regarding what may be happening with him. 

Edited March 27, 2020 by Yog

[Preety_India]

1 hour ago, Yog said:

I can understand him, he is in very dark place right now, trying to get hold of anything he can regarding this relationship, the thing is, its not going to work and it will even make it worse, it drips like water trough his fingers, there is a lot of pain connected to it, the ego can't handle it, it will do anything, blame, project, play victim, play - the above, bait, anything to assure this attachment persists, severing of this connection causes pain, and he tries to establish new connections any way he can, mental, emotional it does not matter. 

How can I relate to it ? Because I did the same in the past, it all sounds way too familiar. It was actually what got me into personal development,act.org and into stage orange. It was a damn heavy chain Tower moment. One where your relationship breaks, your career breaks, your hobbies, health, everything.... and the last question you would be asking is - do I kill myself and end it all, everything around me is pure unknown and chaos anyway.

Luckily there was voice that said - you start from what you know, learn, grow, you've been trough hard times, you'll make it out again. Not everyone will have this voice or more likely listen to it, when the thing hits you, dark portals will open up, leading you to a bottomless pit, baiting you to make that "wrong" choice. Suddenly weird things will become reasonable. You yourself may be the last pillar of light there is for you.

My point with this is, when you will cut him off, it will be the peak of the Tower moment for him, it will all become black. So I think it would be honorable to cut him off at least in a loving and understanding way, so there would be light at the end of the pitch black as he falls. You don't have to, you are not obligated ofc, but it is honorable. It will also help with reducing the chance that he will see you as someone against him, which can turn later into - the whole world is against me, which can turn into - let me make this weird dark choice that may also include you. All this may be an overkill, but still it is worth having it on mind.

Tell him that it is final and that you are not replying any more and commit to it. These would be my thoughts/advice.

Honor yourself, honor the "other", tell the truth, bow, turn away, start walking, accept whatever may from that interaction. That is what I would do.

I wish you well too. Just wrote this in this spirit so you may understand better regarding what may be happening with him. 

You are right. I understand him. I did not break him cruelly. But breakup is always cruel. 

I let him vent whenever he wanted even if he got really upset and angry. I want to see him grow. 

I don't hate him but I can't be with him with that kind of a relationship. It will hurt us both. So the best thing for me was to leave and I understand that he finds it hard to accept. 

But acceptance is something that even I'm doing. I try to calm him when he is in rage or sending me death threats and all. I know that's his inner child screaming at me. 

But he will eventually get over it. 

I tried to cut him off in the most loving way but the hurt was done. He felt the pain. He would rather want me get angry than leave him. But I cannot do that. It was too much for me too. So I had to what I had to. The relationship was unhealthy for both of us. So it had to end. 

I'm trying my best to not make him a hateful person. To give him that assurance. I did not break up with him abruptly. I was very careful. He can get very violent. So I had to be careful with him. 

The thing is that the very reason of hurting him bad had caused me to not break up earlier with him. But that way I was just dragging on. I had to make it stop. I cannot keep going back to him just because of not wanting to see him hurt. It has to come to a closure. 

He had tried to hurt his ex in the past. And I don't want him to be that way. 

So I have taken proper steps so he wouldn't misunderstand anything. 

I hope only the best for him. 

 

[Forestluv]

To me it sounds like you you gave him the opportunity to gradually drift away or stay in occasional contact as friends, yet he wants to use you as his cathartic punching bag. Perhaps time for a hard stop.

[Preety_India]

10 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

To me it sounds like you you gave him the opportunity to gradually drift away or stay in occasional contact as friends, yet he wants to use you as his cathartic punching bag. Perhaps time for a hard stop.

In a way yes, I allowed him to stay in touch with me in an effort to not let him lose himself or create a shadow of vendetta within himself. I feared he would go into a downspiral if I totally cut him off. But I need to really stop him because else he will continue feeding on me. The breakup happened a few months ago so I guess I gave him enough time to throw and vent his anger at me and recover. 

He needs to move on and stop relying on me like he always did. 

I think I should really stop letting him talk to me and maybe that way he will finally let go of me and move on.

 

 

[Yog]

16 hours ago, Preety_India said:

sending me death threats

Yea... this is what I was worrying about. Its rock bottom.

I think you did well. Good luck with it..

Just be careful not to hoard any anger,guilt ....and all that stuff.
Its best to express it and work trough it.
I know you know this, its just a friendly reminder.
Times can get dark and muddy.




 

[Preety_India]

25 minutes ago, Yog said:

Just be careful not to hoard any anger,guilt

I don't hold any anger. In fact I only have good thoughts about him. I don't feel resentment towards him.  Hopefully he will move on soon and live a happy life. 

 

[Yog]

@Preety_India Alright, you know best, just be careful.

This is how I have deceived myself in the past, beat myself up over things, not admit it and play though and in control.
Most people wont admit this, especially while they are going trough it. 

Its just a friendly reminder, I am not claiming anything.  

[Preety_India]

@Yog

Hehehe you gave me too many friendly reminders. 

Kinda creepy.