My ex is requesting me to stay single forever, I don't understand why?

[LordFall]

1 hour ago, electroBeam said:

Its not that hard to understand. He feels hurt thinking about you with another man. That's all.

But more metaphysically, he has tricked himself into thinking he has lost himself/God. Tricked himself into thinking the Love of God did not come from his inner self, but from you. And now you are gone. And now without realizing it, he has pain from loosing God. 

Your answer is amazing, it reminded me of what I missed so about my ex; it wasn't her, it was my connection to God. How do I connect to it internally vs externally? 

[Fathime]

I don't know the type of person he is, but this is a comment made either by an incredibly selfish person, a delusional person, or someone who still loves too much and is incredibly hurt. No matter the category he falls into, don't listen to him. Move on and enjoy life. If he truly loves you, he wants you to be happy. That's what real love means and implies. Sacrificing yourself for what's best for the one you love.

[lmfao]

Haters gonna hate, preety. 

[Eph75]

At the end of the day, we're never ever going to know anything from conceptualizing and speculating. Only from confrontation and asking the right questions in the right way leads to true (or less inaccurate) understanding.

Unless we are willing to attack that "beast", trying to figure out the whys and the hows make little sense, other that being distractions that are going to end up strengthening our own egos, as the answers are likely to end up being beneficial to self.

So, the way forward is either practicing attacking "beasts" - or - practice letting go. Regardless outcome it amounts to growth. 

Shit don't make sense, so trying to make sense of shit on your own still amounts to... shit.

Edited March 21, 2020 by Eph75

[Preety_India]

@Eph75 thank you for your support as well as to all others on the thread for their great input. Much appreciated. 

 

[TRUTHWITHCAPITALT]

@Preety_India it is hard to tell why he would say. It looks like he is kinda jealous, stuck with his stories and is busy in his self grandizing project.

My advice is open your eyes and then laugh your ass off at this "little bonobo"

There is nothing wrong staying single in the first place. Even if he had a girlfriend it does nor mean he won. 

Discard the monogamous relationship scam. Wake up. Embrace truth.

[Aris]

OMG you can do whatever you want. He does not posess you

[Preety_India]

@Aris

2 minutes ago, Aris said:

OMG you can do whatever you want. He does not posess you

I know that. I just wanted to know his perspective and the real reason that made him say that. 

It could be two things 

Either that he is hurt and doesn't wish to see me with another man because it hurts him. 

Or it could be that he is giving me a light version of the "if I can't have you, nobody can".... 

I just need to know if his emotions are genuine. Or it's out of a grudge to punish me.. 

I don't like to believe that he is that selfish because it still hurts to think that he was a bad person. Because that's not how I perceived him the first time. So to think that he is bad or selfish is hurtful for me as well. 

In any case I will be ready to move on happily. He wants me to do him a favor by staying single.. But I'm not into it. 

I didn't ask him for any clarification. So I thought maybe people here would be able to shed some light on what he meant. 

 

[Leo Gura]

On 3/17/2020 at 10:47 AM, Preety_India said:

He said to me "stay single forever. I deserve that. Stay single for me." 

Bahahahaha!

[remember]

@Preety_India its interesting that this phantasy is about you but he did not say  it was a rule he would keep for you at the same time - if he would have said: i will stay single for you forever. that somehow would have showed that he still was in love with you and cannot think of moving on. but he did not talk about what he would do - in some sense he probably is not over it yet and maybe he also still has emotions for you and would be probably hurt if you would find someone really fast after a break up - of course this can be hurting after a break up, maybe it would also hurt you if he would be able to replace you very fast. but extending that to your hole life and asking for that is an attempt of his ego to keep ownership and control over your life and your decisions in an obsessive way owning your femininity and love. no doubt there are romantic feelings involved - but romantic feelings which are supported by an egocentric patriarchal metaphysical cosmovision.

Edited March 25, 2020 by remember

[John Iverson]

On 3/18/2020 at 1:47 AM, Preety_India said:

So my ex had a conversation with me today. 

And he was distraught because I had broken up with him since November. 

He felt wronged that I broke up with him. 

It was natural for me to break up with him since I wasn't happy in the relationship. 

But today he said something very strange that baffled me? 

He said to me "stay single forever. I deserve that. Stay single for me." 

He doesn't want me to have anymore relationships and remain single for the rest of my life as a collateral for having broken up with him. Like a payback. 

I'm not able to process or understand what he exactly means.. What does he want? Why does he not want me to move on in life with another man? Why would he want me to stay single while he will move on with another woman in his life. 

I never understood his intention behind saying that. Does he want me back? Is he trying to punish me for breaking his heart? Or is he jealous if I move on? Or he wants me to be someone that only he could have and no other? Which one is it? 

I'm just baffled by his comment and strange request. 

Does this mean that he still loves me? 

I just don't get his logic or feeling or sentiment. 

 

You are ALREADY single in forever right? After all this time you are single as fuck! HAHAHAHAH ,

 

you two are so .......... ?, why do you care?? You and him broke up because you are not happy anymore.. so move on...anything he will say is irrelevant, you still think of him right? Hahahaha whyyyyy? You still do care about him... though that kind of love can be brought back to life again!! I hope that he will do the right thing to bring that love again.. YIEEEE

 

[Roy]

The most likely interpretation is his ego must be extremely attached to the idea of needing you. While he may be able to accept the immediate relationship as over, he cannot fully let go of the idea in his mind that you "belonged" to him. That you are some kind of monogamous proxy for him, and can never be with anybody else because you were "marked" by him.

It's simply attachment. He is insecure and lacking in some area and you filled it, until you left.

You are not responsible to plug the holes in his boat. You were merely a passenger on a sinking ship and you had the self respect to put on a life jacket and get off.

Just remind him of the lovely things you sailed by together if you ever get the chance again, but remind him that boat ride is over.

Edited March 26, 2020 by Roy

[Preety_India]

13 minutes ago, Roy said:

you had the self respect to put on a life jacket and get off.

That's exactly what I did. I'm at peace since I broke up. It was the best decision of my life. Never felt freer. 

 

[Preety_India]

33 minutes ago, John Iverson said:

You still do care about him...

I do care about him a lot. But I'm over with him. 

34 minutes ago, John Iverson said:

I hope that he will do the right thing to bring that love again

Even if he tried to bring me back, that won't be happening. I have left him for good. 

He is just a memory now. He can try all he wants. But I'm firm on my action. 

He tried very hard to get me back but I never budged. So his last way of trying hard was to expect me to be single for him. 

It's his immature controlling ego at work. 

He would feel offended if he saw me being happy with someone else.. 

 

His fragile ego. His narcissism

 

[PlayTheGame]

What @electroBeam said. He just cant stand picturing you with another man. This is in the nature of us men, to feel jealous at other guys that are loved by the women that we desire. Hate even. This comes from a place of scarcity, but also love. He still loves you and to see a woman you love with another man hurts us men.

I’m not saying all men are like this, consciously we move past it and on to other desires/women, but its a primal instinct we all share.

[Aquarius]

This is completely messed up.. if he talks with you like that, you should stop talking to him altogether. He cannot tell you what to do. He is obviously controlling and toxic. You don't need people like that in your life, sorry to say..

[Preety_India]

 

Someone who truly loves will never hurt. 

 

 

[John Iverson]

6 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I do care about him a lot. But I'm over with him. 

It's his immature controlling ego at work. 

He would feel offended if he saw me being happy with someone else.. 

 

His fragile ego. His narcissism

 

Exactly , though i am curious, why did you broke up with him? I mean why are you not happy anymore?? 

[Preety_India]

1 hour ago, John Iverson said:

Exactly , though i am curious, why did you broke up with him? I mean why are you not happy anymore?? 

He used to say bad things to me. Hurt my feelings constantly. He had anger issues. 

If he was angry with someone, he would take it out on me and call me names. 

He was not respectful, he would constantly call me a bitch during our conversations and he wouldn't stop even if I told him to not do it again. 

He is used to use bad language during regular conversation. And make it look like it's no big deal. But I used to feel hurt. 

If he needed my help, I was always there for him. But if I needed any support then he would ignore my feelings and make me look like a bad person. 

He would constantly compare me to other women and tell me that he would leave me for them. But he wouldn't actually do that. 

Once his glass pipe fell and broke during our conversation and he suddenly started calling me names and bad things. Later he would apologize. 

He would make me feel guilty for having him. He would constantly tell me that I didn't deserve him and that he can always get much better women than me. 

That used to lead to a lot of hurtful feelings and fights between us. 

Eventually I got frustrated with the arguments and his constant negative attitude towards me even when I tried to be polite and gentle with him, he would find a reason to hurt my feelings by saying bad things. 

I never felt loved in the relationship, he would shame me if I didn't feel like talking to him. Then he would say "I'm sorry I love you" but then again after a few days he would start talking shit again. 

 

Now when I broke up with him, he plays victim, like I did something bad to him, but he never accepts that he used to hurt me so much. 

He calls me a heart breaker but in reality his behavior broke my heart long time ago but I still cared about him. 

I never had any hate for him but his anger and hate towards me used to upset me a lot. I didn't even do anything to deserve his anger. 

He had problems because of his ex. He was hurt by her. But he used to direct that hurt to me. Anytime he had a bad mood, he would start blaming me for any of his issues. 

I used to feel like I am some monster in the relationship even when I was extremely kind and supportive of him.. I helped him a lot. I helped him become a happy person. I helped him heal out of his depression. I used to make him happy everyday and encourage him and support him when his family wasn't talking to him. 

Once he said to me "without you I am nothing, I wouldn't have made it so far, you were always there for me" 

I made him quit smoking. I made him lead a healthy lifestyle. If he was sad or upset about something, I would help him find a solution. 

I used to make him laugh with jokes and constantly make him happy. He used to be very upset and angry all the time because of his family. 

But over time, I started to feel drained and his anger and bad language started hurting me more. I started running out of patience. He also started flirting with other women and I used to get very angry about that. But he used to say that he will stop that behavior but he would start again.. 

He would tell me that he likes a lot of women and that used to hurt me because I liked only him. 

Once during our fight, he said to me "I have two girls lined up." then I told him "screw you"..... 

He used to trigger my emotions by constantly upsetting me and if I got angry he used to mock me. 

I started to feel more upset and exhausted in the relationship because I never had a chance to express my feelings. He would shut it down. It was only him all the time. I only had to remain silent and listen to him. 

Then he would boast how he can get any woman he wants and he doesn't need me.. 

If I told him that I was hurt, he would ignore it. 

It started affecting my physical health and I began to get depressed and ignoring my health over time. I was a happy person but during my relationship I turned into a sad irritated miserable person. I stopped liking myself. I felt it was my fault.. 

Finally I decided it was too much and I couldn't take his insulting anymore and decided to break up.. 

I did break up with him for the same reason in June 2019 but he tried to win me back with constant begging for me to come back into his life.. So I went back to him. 

But this time I decided it is final. I can do better than be with someone who is constantly insulting me and hurting me. 

Now he tried again to win me back. But I told "No".... I'll never go back to him again. He told me to stay single forever for him. 

But I won't. I'm a happy person after breaking up. I just feel sad that he never respected me during the relationship and I feel betrayal of my trust.. 

Now he acts like a victim but he didn't care when I was feeling hurt. I loved him a lot. But I never felt that he loved me. It always felt like he only wanted me because he needed my support in his life. But it never felt like he actually loved me. 

So now it is very strange that he wants me single and can't see me with another man meanwhile he used to always boast how much he liked other women and that he would leave me instantly if they said yes to him. That part blows me 

 

 

Edited March 26, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

@Keyhole  thank you. I will cut him out. I will never talk to him again.