My ex is requesting me to stay single forever, I don't understand why?

[Preety_India]

So my ex had a conversation with me today. 

And he was distraught because I had broken up with him since November. 

He felt wronged that I broke up with him. 

It was natural for me to break up with him since I wasn't happy in the relationship. 

But today he said something very strange that baffled me? 

He said to me "stay single forever. I deserve that. Stay single for me." 

He doesn't want me to have anymore relationships and remain single for the rest of my life as a collateral for having broken up with him. Like a payback. 

I'm not able to process or understand what he exactly means.. What does he want? Why does he not want me to move on in life with another man? Why would he want me to stay single while he will move on with another woman in his life. 

I never understood his intention behind saying that. Does he want me back? Is he trying to punish me for breaking his heart? Or is he jealous if I move on? Or he wants me to be someone that only he could have and no other? Which one is it? 

I'm just baffled by his comment and strange request. 

Does this mean that he still loves me? 

I just don't get his logic or feeling or sentiment. 

 

Edited March 18, 2020 by Preety_India

[Sleyker]

I would say he's just hurt.

But don't mind him, you are you, do whatever you want, time will heal.

[Sucuk Ekmek]

Try to define what he means by single. May be he never loved you? It's easy to love but hard to lose, why won't you give up some''thing'' you love? What makes difference between single and multi, if i take chance and make a judgement I would say he's hurt and offended, how could he lose you? This is not him, he is way better than this. 

Edited March 17, 2020 by Sucuk Ekmek

[Preety_India]

@Sucuk Ekmek  he wants me only for himself even if I have broken up the relationship. Which is strange. 

That's what he means by the word. 

He doesn't want any new man in my life. 

 

[Eph75]

His ego has been chipped, he tries to recover/rebuild the ego by attempting to control you in your absence.

It's the same but a light weight version of the "If-I-can't-have-her-no-one-can" that in extreme cases lead to violent acts and worse. 

Controlling/possessiveness shouldn't be mixed up with real love. 

You seem affected by it, even though the relationship is over. Does he still have an emotional effect on you?

[Preety_India]

@Eph75

3 minutes ago, Eph75 said:

His ego has been chipped, he tries to recover/rebuild the ego by attempting to control you in your absence.

It's the same but a light weight version of the "If-I-can't-have-her-no-one-can" that in extreme cases lead to violent acts and worse. 

Controlling/possessiveness shouldn't be mixed up with real love. 

You seem affected by it, even though the relationship is over. Does he still have an emotional effect on you?

It seems that is the case. You are right 

He was always bit controlling in the relationship. So it was difficult for me to get out of the relationship but finally I did. 

He had a lot of possessiveness with him. So he does communicate with me sometimes. He feels better after talking to me. 

I don't have the same feelings for him anymore but he is struggling to move on. He hasn't forgotten me and doesn't show signs of dropping me completely. He says that he cannot hate me. 

Since the relationship was emotionally volatile, I let him vent out his frustrations whenever he wants to. I don't block his feelings because it's not good for him. 

He doesn't have an emotional impact on me. And I don't think about him. Maybe sometimes. But it's been steadily declining over the months. It has faded. 

I found it very strange that today while talking to me, he brought it up and he made this strange request. 

I guess you are right about the ego chipping /possessiveness on his part. 

 

[Eph75]

Not knowing the depth of the toxicity in this, but from what I've read in the different threads you have started about your past relationship, it sounds like a volatile situation. Whatever happens, make sure you stay safe. 

[Preety_India]

@Eph75 yep. Thank you for your response. It helped me get some clarity. 

 

[LordFall]

Male sexuality is based a lot on owning women. It's not necessarily a bad thing but at a lower of consciousness, it can manifest in toxic ways. I know I was quite hurt when my ex started seeing other men even though I wanted her to be happy. 

A part of him still considers you his woman and that could mean a lot of different things to him depending on how deeply he pondered it. He could literally mean that he would rather you stay alone for the rest of your life because you're already been "conquered" by him or it could just be that he cherished having you be his for a while and has trouble letting go but would actually be really happy if you found someone else that fulfilled you. 

I think both sexes have this owning thing with partners but definitely men moreso. It sounds possessive and negative but it's actually deeply spiritual if expressed properly. Teal Swan has a great video on it that I liked a lot. Her point is that you should own people and that it means that you recognize them as a part of yourself i.e. nondual. I'd recommend giving it a watch. 

 

[DrewNows]

@Preety_India it’s interesting, I think what would be beneficial is hearing how and why you broke up. I experienced this sort of attachment with my first gf and well, i believe it may be simply he committed himself to you, decided you were “the one” or “worthy” of his “unconditional” love and well there’s always going to be a part of him that wants you back but his inner struggle is his own burden and sometimes breaking a heart is actually going to propel the healing journey for him, and maybe even you. 
@LordFall thank you, this one (ownership) has always been tricky for me especially with family 

[Ananta]

@Preety_India To me it's not that difficult. He simply hurts when he thinks of you with someone else.

[Haloman]

"When it gets hard, the heart gets soft." That's all.

[Hello from Russia]

Tell him he is shit at system's thinking

[Preety_India]

2 hours ago, Hardik said:

He is not mature enough to understand your bias!

What bias? 

He knows the reason why l left the relationship. Everything is known to him. 

 

[JonasVE12]

When men don't feel happy in their lifes, it's natural to identify with external things to fulfill them and make them feel good. If you were that source for him, it's a normal reaction of his ego that feels all alone. He probably feels like he has no other romantic options beside you. Because his ego is hurt, he uses an ego defense mechanism to make him feel better. In his mind it hurts thinking that 'his possession ' will be possesed by someone else because he is still identifying with the story of you both. 

[Elham]

Once I asked my ex bf the same thing and it was because I was getting over him and if he started another relationship it would be much harder for me. So I asked him to stay single for a while. It's not odd

[Preety_India]

@Elham

It would be understandable if he told me to stay single for a short period of time if he felt discomfort. 

He told me to stay single all of my life for him. 

 

[Forestluv]

On 3/17/2020 at 3:25 PM, Preety_India said:

I found it very strange that today while talking to me, he brought it up and he made this strange request. 

The relativity of strangeness is intriguing to me. . . . It's like an Icelander asking an Australian to explain the strangeness of kangaroos. 

[ajasatya]

On 17/03/2020 at 2:47 PM, Preety_India said:

Does this mean that he still loves me?

No. It means that he has a huge hole in his heart. A hole that cannot be filled by anyone/anything except for his own encounter with Love.

It's his thirst for self-knowledge. He cannot understand it just yet.

He needs this pain more than anything. It's the best fuel to start the search.

[electroBeam]

Its not that hard to understand. He feels hurt thinking about you with another man. That's all.

But more metaphysically, he has tricked himself into thinking he has lost himself/God. Tricked himself into thinking the Love of God did not come from his inner self, but from you. And now you are gone. And now without realizing it, he has pain from loosing God.