Self Inquiry and confusion - Is this progress?

[Raptorsin7]

@billiesimon The presence is our true nature. 

I think now it's a matter of depth.

Idk, i'm just here to feel amazing and find the greatest version of the human. Once i find that, i'm out lol.

[Nahm]

52 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

♥️

The first day it was easier because I was just accepting the present moment, now it's like a battlefield of thoughts, anxiety and moments of quiet in between  

...then beliefs arose, feeling showed me the beliefs are not true. 

But, coming back into my ego, old beliefs arose, there's this dreadful feeling of separation from reality source of me which knows the beliefs are not true, and the is source is within me, and I know it by the name “Feeling”. There's fear, scarcity, judgement... a general sense of "I am here in my closet and reality is out there ignoring me"  so much of this source within and I am just loving this knowing that the re-membering only just begun, that the metadventure has really begun! I get it that it is mind-created, but to be honest I actually feel separation the resistance to Truth. Or if this separation is mind-created... it still feels very realistic and tricky  like feeling can be listened to more deeply, with more nuance, and less thinking.

The fleeting moments of "presence" during self inquiry are the only ones where I can feel that there's no fear focus on beliefs & therefore just feeling, but outside of these quick moments the fear and separation feel very "realistic" beliefs are getting too much attention. I may sound idiotic but that's what I feel think  happens.

 

40 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Nahm Once you recognize the distinction between feeling and thinking, then what?

Let feeling lead. Go slowly, softly, enjoyably in the choosing of thoughts, creating & receiving what you want.

The human can reach a place where there is consistent attention on feeling rather than thinking, and as a result the sensations in the third eye region pulse and vibrate to varying degrees. But then what?

The model of the third eye is itself (perhaps ironically) seen through.

The human isn't feeling the love.

It’s made of it, and not any thing more, nor less.

What's the next step after re-connecting with feeling?

Whatever you want. 

 

[billiesimon]

57 minutes ago, Nahm said:

...then beliefs arose, feeling showed me the beliefs are not true. 

Yeah, it's like discovering that I actually don't know anything about myself, and that I have so many implanted beliefs about "myself" that I'm in a state of total confusion. I've been told that I am the body, I am the mind, I am x, y and z.... I realize that children might actually know what is really happening here, but they get consistently brainwashed into thinking they are this and that, and they stop observing reality, and start obsessing over these "learned concepts". 

57 minutes ago, Nahm said:

I may sound idiotic but that's what I feel think  happens.

That's the deeper wisdom I couldn't catch here. I've been so disconnected from experience that thoughts have become a substitute for experience. Like when you imagine in your head that your friend is angry at you, and start to feel sad, while in reality you have no evidence whatsoever that he's angry at you. But you focus so much on that thought that you create some kind of magic spell, and it mesmerizes you. It seems almost like actual experience, but it's not 

Maybe I don't actually know what the heck I am. Maybe I'm doing this inquiry because "thought-reality" is starting to fall apart for me, and I realize that I have never really looked into the mirror to see what I'm like.

It's not easy. Like digging myself out of meters and meters of ground to actually see the sun for the first time.

I may sound naive, but thanks to my psychedelic experience, now I feel like I have deeply forgotten my real self and the result of forgetting is endless suffering. To be precise, I have this feeling that ignorance is suffering. I am ignorant and in the dark, that's why I suffer, I guess.

Edited March 17, 2020 by billiesimon

[Nahm]

39 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

Yeah, it's like discovering that I actually don't know anything about myself, and that I have so many implanted beliefs about "myself" that I'm in a state of total confusion. I've been told that I am the body, I am the mind, I am x, y and z.... I realize that children might actually know what is really happening here, but they get consistently brainwashed into thinking they are this and that, and they stop observing reality, and start obsessing over these "learned concepts". 

I hear ya. It’s like how a present is just, better, when it’s wrapped. It’s fun to unwrap, but then, we keep the present, and pitch the wrapping paper. Imagine giving someone a gift so good, they just forget about the wrapping paper. Forget the past, you are the gift. You are here now. 

39 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

That's the deeper wisdom I couldn't catch here. I've been so disconnected from experience that thoughts have become a substitute for experience. Like when you imagine in your head that your friend is angry at you, and start to feel sad, while in reality you have no evidence whatsoever that he's angry at you. But you focus so much on that thought that you create some kind of magic spell, and it mesmerizes you. It seems almost like actual experience, but it's not 

Ok...admittedly ‘ball busting here’....but no. Don’t go the ‘wisdom route’. I get what you mean, but it’s not “wisdom” - it’s feeling. Even to label with “wisdom” has already created that foundation of something which could should or must be “caught”. It’s sneaky, I know. Imo, the world will soon awaken to two things; death was always a a belief, and wisdom is the same. As a reference, wisdom, sure. But as ‘that which you don’t have & must acquire’, I’m calling bullshit. Love & wisdom are identical, and you are made of this.

I would suggest thought has not become a substitute for experience, but for feeling. That’ll change the understanding of the angry friend scenario. It’s not about having or not having the evidence that he is or is not angry at you....it’s about recognizing it is your thought which does or doesn’t feel good to you. Then, there can be the understanding that he is “in the same exact boat”. His anger, is his discord between his thought, and his feeling.  In any case, the experience is actual. In any case, you are the magic. Only magic can pick a more aligned thought. Do so, and reality responds in kind...and your friend’s gonna think you’ve got some ‘magic wisdom’. 

There is no wisdom ‘here’. Only the reversal of the relationship between thought & feeling. In feeling, I am you, you are me, we are One. In feeling we are edgeless, immeasurable, infinite. Thoughts, preferences, alignment and or discord...that’s infinitely unique...and downright breath-takingly beautiful. That, is creation. 

Your presence, is wisdom. 

Your presence, is love. 

You are Being.

Quote

Maybe I don't actually know what the heck I am. Maybe I'm doing this inquiry because "thought-reality" is starting to fall apart for me, and I realize that I have never really looked into the mirror to see what I'm like.

It's not easy. Like digging myself out of meters and meters of ground to actually see the sun for the first time.

I know. It can be easy though. Purification is effortless. It is the fundamental reality, that all your concerns and tensions be carried aware by an unseen and all-loving ‘energy’. “Give it to God”. Let go. 

Quote

I may sound naive, but since my psychedelic experience, I feel like I have deeply forgotten my real self and the result of forgetting is endless suffering. To be precise, I have this feeling that ignorance is suffering. I am ignorant and in the dark, that's why I suffer, I guess.

Trying to get the past back is suffrage. This is feeling saying, here, now, that is enough, that is the magic. The trip revealed now. The trip did not say “hey look at how if you can focus a whole bunch on the past you can feel great! Don’t notice those trees now don’t notice those kids playing carefree now”. 

Thinking you should know more than you do, be somewhere you’re not, feel some way you don’t - that is suffering, and it is only found in thought. 

The body is reality, and purification is always the Gift and the order of the day. A single tear will change the world. 

[billiesimon]

49 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Trying to get the past back is suffrage. This is feeling saying, here, now, that is enough, that is the magic. The trip revealed now. The trip did not say “hey look at how if you can focus a whole bunch on the past you can feel great! Don’t notice those trees now don’t notice those kids playing carefree now”. 

Thinking you should know more than you do, be somewhere you’re not, feel some way you don’t - that is suffering, and it is only found in thought. 

Ahahahah yes, definitely it was shown to me that existence is infinite present 

Maybe it was meant for me to be in this condition here and now. Maybe it's not a mistake.

Sometimes I feel like my life had to be this way, or I would have never felt the burning desire to awake.

RIght now I'm completely obsessed with waking up to my true nature, and until last year it was not important at all. Money and videogames were far more important and now they have become so empty, even though I'm not rich at all. What LSD has shown me has made me realize that I was chasing rubbish and ignoring the gold. Now the problem is: how do I dig the gold out? 

[billiesimon]

By the way thanks for the great insights ????

[Nahm]

@billiesimon ? Thank you!

Dreamboard! 

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