Life is too long.

[Red-White-Light]

I've recently been struggling with the concept of time and being alive.

I think about how many years I will be alive for. I feel like I'm waiting for death to come.

I know I wouldn't kill myself, so I'm stuck with about 60 years of reality.

I didn't want to be born a human being on earth.

I feel like I'm just waiting, like I'm in a prison sentence. It feels like slavery.

I find peace in sleep because it's a form of death or escape from time.

 

Edited March 15, 2020 by Red-White-Light

[Nahm]

Only unconditional is born. Maybe there’s some semi-conscious conditions at play?  

It’s a shot in the dark but maybe you don’t find peace and thriving compatible.

[kag101]

Seek professional help. You are sick. The chemicals in your brain are out of balance.

What you described is a classic description of clinical depression.

 

On 15/03/2020 at 6:09 PM, Red-White-Light said:

I know I wouldn't kill myself, so I'm stuck with about 60 years of reality.

Well, from this, we can say that at least you don't have suicidal tendencies.

So, if you don't treat your depression adequately, you'll live 60 more years in a distorted version of reality.

I like this analogy: depression is like wearing a glass with which you can only see B&W. Even though other people tell you about the beautiful colors of the world, you can't see it.

But just because you don't see it, that doesn't mean colors don't exist.

On 15/03/2020 at 6:09 PM, Red-White-Light said:

I feel like I'm just waiting, like I'm in a prison sentence. It feels like slavery.

I've been there. For many years I was a prisoner of depression. And it was a battle that was impossible to win by myself. Medication was a must for me.

On 15/03/2020 at 6:09 PM, Red-White-Light said:

I find peace in sleep because it's a form of death or escape from time.

Yeap. The same with me. Sleep was the only time that I could have a break from my endless mental chattery & rumination.

 

@Mikael89 @Red-White-Light  I hope you guys get better! I know how painful it is to be in that place! But there is hope, because science works!

Edited March 18, 2020 by kag101

[Rilles]

I feel like life is a task to get through... to complete... its messed up... 

[Rilles]

35 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

It's worse than that: it's not even a task.

Well, maybe theres a reward at the end of the road... Theres no way that I can know that.

[Rilles]

Just now, Mikael89 said:

Personally I'm sure that there is no reward whatsoever.

How so?

[Rilles]

4 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

Reason and logic.

Enlighten me.

[Applegarden]

@Rilles I know there is a way to live that feels liberating, for me, especially at work, i just take whatever responsilities i have to do and discard looking at time, time passes in completion and it passes really fast, day to day.

[Nahm]

Honesty.

[ajasatya]

On 15/03/2020 at 6:09 PM, Red-White-Light said:

I'm stuck with about 60 years of reality

It's not 60 years. It's ETERNITY.

Brace yourself!

[SamueLSD]

Commit to self improvement and consciousness work, and you can die without leaving your body permanently, and then you will never fear death again  !

( only if your issue is a genuine existential crisis and not a mental illness, in which case, you should see a professional )

[Ananta]

57 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

It's not 60 years. It's ETERNITY.

Brace yourself!

This is true. There is no escape. Finding out your true nature is the only reprieve.

If the show wasn't so darn convincing we wouldn't fall for it every time.

[Ananta]

@Red-White-Light Have you tried therapy? Someone trained in CBT could probably help you.

[XYZ]

On 3/15/2020 at 2:09 PM, Red-White-Light said:

I didn't want to be born a human being on earth.

 

This was my mantra for 30 years, I never asked to be born, didn't choose to exist here, all this was forced upon me, it'y my parents fault I am alive.

Then I had a mystical experience, and the first thing that happened when consciousness started to leave the body is a direct remembering that it did choose this life, it created the whole thing. Intuitively it felt exactly what it was like before being born, as if no time had passed, as if there were no such thing as birth or death. Before that point spirituality was just something I did to cope with life. And though I haven't yet went deep enough behind the veil to figure out what life is all about, or if I have some purpose of being here in human form, there is a pervading calmness, even in the worst of times I can return to it. Because now I've experiences firsthand that this is all a dream, everything is divinity, everything is okay, there is nothing to be afraid of.

 

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

8 hours ago, ajasatya said:

It's not 60 years. It's ETERNITY.

Brace yourself!

Gee, if I were suffering from depression (and I am not even sure that I am not suffering from depression), this truism wouldn't console me one bit, lol...

[Gili Trawangan]

7 minutes ago, XYZ said:

This was my mantra for 30 years, I never asked to be born, didn't choose to exist here, all this was forced upon me, it'y my parents fault I am alive.

Then I had a mystical experience, and the first thing that happened when consciousness started to leave the body is a direct remembering that it did choose this life, it created the whole thing. Intuitively it felt exactly what it was like before being born, as if no time had passed, as if there were no such thing as birth or death. Before that point spirituality was just something I did to cope with life. And though I haven't yet went deep enough behind the veil to figure out what life is all about, or if I have some purpose of being here in human form, there is a pervading calmness, even in the worst of times I can return to it. Because now I've experiences firsthand that this is all a dream, everything is divinity, everything is okay, there is nothing to be afraid of.

 

Amen! 

[ajasatya]

1 hour ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

Gee, if I were suffering from depression (and I am not even sure that I am not suffering from depression), this truism wouldn't console me one bit, lol...

There is no way out. You gotta learn how to enjoy Life NOW. If you can't enjoy Life NOW, create a crystal clear vision of the Life you Love and work hard for it.

I've seen this approach work several times.

[Javfly33]

On 18/3/2020 at 2:29 AM, kag101 said:

Seek professional help. You are sick. The chemicals in your brain are out of balance.

What you described is a classic description of clinical depression.

 

@Mikael89 @Red-White-Light  I hope you guys get better! I know how painful it is to be in that place! But there is hope, because science works!

I find it exaggerated to jump straight to the conclusion that his problem is depression.

I actually identify myself with much with OP says and I don´t consider myself to be depressed, at all. I´m actually pretty excited for the future. 

[Javfly33]

4 hours ago, Mikael89 said:

 

It's not eternity for the body/mind (ego).

 

@Mikael89 What if ego is a concept you are projecting into your body/mind and there´s actually nobody there? 

Suffering does exist but as an illusion. This should motivate you to break out of the illusion

[Nahm]

What feels wonderful is evident of self. 

8 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

I actually identify myself with much with OP says and I don´t consider myself to be depressed, at all. I´m actually pretty excited for the future. 

Thank you. That felt wonderful.