Weed awakening

[traveler]

So I just smoked weed again, I haven't smoked in a while. Every time I smoke I'm attended with a rude awakening. Everything falling apart especially in my relationships, my "I'm an ego" facade gets torn apart, while there's still something left there to try and act as if there is a story outside of me going on. It's literally hell. It's a total cut off from other people, no sight of realness anymore. This from the ego's perspective seems like a phase some have to go through to shed the ego. There's a sense that It's right here, but also juuust a little bit over there. Like this energy all over the body saying this is important, there something I haven't found, I have to change something about this, I have to get rid of myself, THEN I'LL be one with everything. LOL. It's funny, but very much not so for the experiencer that energy seemingly is attached to. 

[Adodd]

How much did you smoke? 

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

@traveler Oh boy, and here I thought my weed trips have been weird recently. LOL

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

@Adodd Awesome profile pic, I immediately googled it and made it my desktop wallpaper!

Edited March 15, 2020 by Bazooka Jesus

[traveler]

On 15/3/2020 at 4:05 PM, Adodd said:

How much did you smoke? 

Not much, my body reacts very heavily to weed.

[Tetrapeter]

I had a similar experience on weed a couple years ago. It was before I was into this spiritual endevaevour.

I smoked a lot of weed and It was a life chapter in which I was a bit lost with personal issues and issues concerning finding answers to what reality, self, life is.

  On this particular evening I was naturaly in "contemplation-mode" and I know I was really desperate to know what my life and reality was all about. While sitting alone in my room I remember how I become very open to all kind of considerations about reality. I know how I was really on fire and I was in a mood i thought I could handle any truth and fact. I really really really wanted to know. Like a special forces bad ass soldier on steroids ready for anything would come into his way. BUT I also was really really high.

And I remember my last thoughts before something deep switch clicked in my mind : "What if my lack of knowledge is by design. What if I should not know. Because I AM GOD all the religions are talking about? And what if there is a mechanism installed in the universe, which will cause that I will automatically die when I realize I am God?"
I started to panic and I was really open to the possibility that I could die right now. But I didn't know anything about awakening and ego death and so I really thought my body would die. I was identified with my body. I remember I ran to the bathroom and I looked in the mirror to be sure I am still there. Then I calmed down. Obviously I was still alive and I was happy

The time after that I didn't want to think about that experience. I was so freaking terrified that I thought that I was at the edge of becoming crazy and ready for the asylum.

Just slowly I realized through youtube and books I maybe discovered/experienced something really important and valuable.

 

Now in 2020 I am in the middle of the journey. Or rather at the beginning

Edited March 17, 2020 by Tetrapeter

[StripedGiraffe]

I haven't smoked weed since my enlightenment experience, but I haven't experienced partial ego death from weed like you are describing. Maybe next time, I will. I have, however, experienced these deep emotions telling me to change in some way. I discover trauma and different emotional blocks and discover blind spots in my consciousness. I fell like my subconscious mind is revealed to me. This happens pretty much every time I smoke unless I smoke habitually. I personally find that these insights on weed point me toward greater love and consciousness. Trust your gut on this one, my friend. 

[traveler]

1 minute ago, StripedGiraffe said:

I haven't smoked weed since my enlightenment experience, but I haven't experienced partial ego death from weed like you are describing. Maybe next time, I will. I have, however, experienced these deep emotions telling me to change in some way. I discover trauma and different emotional blocks and discover blind spots in my consciousness. I fell like my subconscious mind is revealed to me. This happens pretty much every time I smoke unless I smoke habitually. I personally find that these insights on weed point me toward greater love and consciousness. Trust your gut on this one, my friend. 

These rude awakenings are literally hell, but as you say opens me up to the reality that I and so many others are resisting on a daily basis. One insight I had was that the "baseline consciousness" in people are often filled with fear and uncomfortability with the unknown. People would rather stay in the known and be unhappy, than step into the unknown and feel the freshness of what is. My mom's first reaction when I came home (I didn't know they were still awake at this time, so I was totally unprepared and way to out of myself to act normal) was "Go away, I don't want you to be here when you're like this" and I saw things for what they were and said "Why? Are you afraid?" This is not my normal response and is totally against the rules of the games we play normally and I could feel how she actually got afraid that I was pointing out the open secret. I realized that was very uncompassionate. The human games are seemingly the absolute hardest challenge on this pathless path.