Swearing to God not to take Psychedelics on Psychedelics?

[RobertZ]

Summary

I consider myself a psychedelic advocate, but I have questions and concerns about psychedelics.

A Question

What do you think (and I am not saying this occurred), if I made a vow, while I was on a massive dose of 5-MEO-DMT: 'I swear in the integrity of my heart and on my commitment to loving myself and being loved by myself for all eternity, that I will never take a psychedelic trip again'?

I am not saying that I made that promise. If I tripped again, would I risk facing God again--with a broken promise?

I would hope that I would love myself nevertheless. Still, the possibility bothers me. What do you think?

Background

I took 28 mg of 5-MEO, knelt down on a blanket, and bowed with my head to the ground, with the intention of understanding my life purpose.

Come up: fear

I had an uncomfortable awareness of an angel, who was not happy about my state (you may remember, one's heart rate can double or triple 5 or 10 after taking a big dose of 5-MEO). I tried to breath deeply and relax with an excuse: 'Maybe this is how people "decompress" and "relax" after a long week of work--watching some hallucinations of the carpet turning into swirling clouds fractal depths, and feeling the resounding ringing of the explosion of the universe through their body? Okay, maybe not...

Peak: love

Then I saw black static (like the buzzing static of a TV). God is just there--a consciousness of eternal black static.

Then I saw black clarity. God's mind begins to penetrate open space through the static, with experience of self-awareness and eternal consideration.

Then I saw the world, and what it means to be a brother (a memory of my brother saying, "this is what brotherhood is.")

Then I saw my mother contemplating plants and vines.

Then I saw that my neighbour would see me as a threat and kill me if I uttered even one true statement (e.g., describing how beautiful my life is would be dangerous); so I dissembled [and later gave him some wine to distract him].

Then I asked, "What is the purpose of my life?"

And the answer came, "To love and be loved."

'Oh God! Love me forever,' I thought. 'And I will let God love me. And I will love. Let me accept myself for eternity--and let me be okay with eternal existence. Please God.'

Coming down: fear

I finished my prayer, and got up quickly. I felt a very judgmental angelic being watching me. I picked up the shambles of my drug paraphernalia, and pretended to be a respectable member of society.

In conclusion, I do not remember swearing, "I will never take 5-MEO-DMT." However, I still destroyed the remaining substance out of irrational fear of the accuser.

Concluding Reflection

A few months ago there was an interesting criminal case, in the city where I live.

A university student (all ready for business--straight A's and almost a professional hockey player) got drunk and ate some magic mushrooms. He ran away from his friends settling down for a movie in a house in a wealthy community, and ran through the freezing cold snow (butt naked), and broke into the house of a total stranger (who happened to be a ~50 year old university professor), and viciously beat her with an object--permanently destroyed her hand. Fortunately, she had the presence of mind to escape and bind up her arm, literally gushing with blood. This student also smashed into someone else's house.

The student woke up in prison with his feet bruised and cut up from ice or glass.

The  court of appeal let him off innocent because he had insufficient culpability for his actions; nor did he belong in psychiatric detention once he came to. The court of appeal made some surprisingly accurate comments about psychedelics, despite the limited psychiatric evidence, such as: 'people who take magic mushrooms do not normally hurt others.'

Obviously we can criticize this guy's ignorance for mixing alcohol with psychedelics. But without the mushrooms, this local professor would not have been maimed, and this local family would not have been traumatized. 

[Chakra Lion]

6 minutes ago, RobertZ said:

In conclusion, I do not remember swearing, "I will never take 5-MEO-DMT."

So you are lying to yourself? Huh?

 

8 minutes ago, RobertZ said:

Obviously we can criticize this guy's ignorance for mixing alcohol with psychedelics. But without the mushrooms, this local professor would not have been maimed, and this local family would not have been traumatized. 

Are you using this to motivate yourself from not smoking 5-meo again? Blaming mushrooms?!? What is your point in telling that part? 

[SamueLSD]

Honestly... I would stay away from psychedelics for a while if I were you. Not because your guilt to this angel has any meaning or anything, but because it really seems to me like you aren't ready for DMT. Like, at all. 

These visions you have had obviously had a lasting effect on you mentally...

26 minutes ago, RobertZ said:

I finished my prayer, and got up quickly. I felt a very judgmental angelic being watching me. I picked up the shambles of my drug paraphernalia, and pretended to be a respectable member of society.

 and that isn't what should be happening

26 minutes ago, RobertZ said:

 would I risk facing God again--with a broken promise?

 

Just remember: Your true nature - awareness - is god. YOU are god. You aren't a psychonaut  going on some psychedelic adventure to meet god when you smoke DMT. You're just trying to free yourself of ego.

 

And with the mushrooms story - it seems like you're just looking for an excuse to not take DMT again, as @Chakra Lion said. If this is the case, just don't take the damned drugs!

Edited March 14, 2020 by SamueLSD

[JohnD]

Having this 'angel' as you call it in your visions seems to point to a division in your psyche that must be healed. This 'angel' is a part of you that is yet to be integrated.

Your conclusion was completely depersonalized, so I'm not seeing a real insight in here from your trip.

[Nahm]

@RobertZ

There’s some judgment and thoughts about psychedelics taking up the precious mental real estate of wanting, creating, living, loving and purpose. Bring feeling to the game. Bring the body to the game. Bring self-love to the game. You’ll be right as rain.

[Forestluv]

8 hours ago, RobertZ said:

Then I asked, "What is the purpose of my life?"

And the answer came, "To love and be loved."

That is a profound realization and can go extremely deep and expansive in direct experience and understanding. 

Ime, during trips I often have a deep, clear realization. Then after the trip, my mind starts thinking again and starts making stuff up. The thinking mind adds stuff in and tries to make sense of things. Old conditioning can enter and distort the purity of the original realization.

Rather than making up hard rules through thought stories, I often try to get in touch with feelings, empathy and intuition. For example, sometimes it feels like the most loving thing for myself to do is take a trip (even if I don’t want to). Almost like the most loving thing to give a sick child is medicine (even if they don’t want it). . . Other times, it feels like the most loving thing to do for my mind and body is not to trip. Last summer, I got a message to learn about love for a while without tripping. I didn’t feel the need to say “I will never trip again”. Rather, it felt like I needed to do some work without psychedelics for a while,. I went six months without psychedelics and then felt a calling to micro dose with psychedelics for a while, but no big trips. I haven’t had a strong trip for nine months. Will I ever have another? Maybe, maybe not. Who knows? Maybe I’ll get a calling to trip, maybe I’ll get a calling not to trip and do something else. 

I’m not saying it should be the same for you. I’m just offering a different orientation. If it resonates with you great, if not feel free to trash it. 

[Inliytened1]

On 3/14/2020 at 5:11 AM, SamueLSD said:

Just remember: Your true nature -awareness - is god. YOU are god. You aren't a psychonaut  going on some psychedelic adventure to meet god when you smoke DMT. You're just trying to free yourself of ego.

Well said.

[RendHeaven]

Contemplate what a vow IS. It's not as absolute or serious as you seem to hold it as.

[Aaron p]

When I eat something my mouth doesent say to my hand "thank you"... because they are both me. So importance is something that is projected from the idea that your one person. Things cease to be important when you awaken, promises etc. It's like your in a kings big palace thats all golden and royal and stuff. You see the king and bow for fear of execution doing with everyone else. Everyone is careful not to act inappropriately in any way in the king's presence. Imagine that you are following along scared as fuck. You don't even look any of the king's guards in the eye and you keep your head down. Then all of a sudden you remember and realize, "oh shit, yo...I forgot the king is my dad haha." Then you just stand up and command the guard to go get you a drink. And all of a sudden you don't have to carefully revear the statues and laws within the kingdom. You are part of the family who creates the laws! Similarly, realizing who you are frees you from the seriousness of big, scary concepts about things like "god" that you create in your head. Another analogy could be: you sending the king a letter, then worrying and panicking all night about what you said in the letter, hoping everything you wrote was ok...only to receive the letter back the following day, at which point you remember, "oh yeah...im the king!" Lol you can't take it seriously. Its like a dog chasing it's tail, don't take everything too seriously. Psychedelics are powerful, use them!

Edited March 15, 2020 by Aaron p

[SamueLSD]

8 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

Well said.