purposefully ruining my life

[DreamScape]

Just keep doing what you're doing: nothing

Maybe if you do that you will become bored with doing nothing, such that you create motivation to do something

[B_Naz]

you're just guilt tripping yourself dude,

you should say fuck it and  detach yourself from everything, repress all emotions and don't take responsibility for your life. 

i see it more as an urge, once the urge is over, you'll want to do more because of the fuckups you've done.

in the end, you should be more aware of what happens when you let yourself go

works for me at least

[Chakra Lion]

Found just before reading this thread. It spoke to me, maybe it'll speak to you. 

He divides life into 2 zones. Inside the Comfort Zone and Outside the Comfort Zone. When a person keeps themselves inside the comfort zone, that bubble starts to shrink, and soon youll find yourself mindlessly playing video games for days, drinking mtn dew like a real gamer. (so me) And then you have no motivation for anything else because things are so hard and far from what your comfortable with. 

Like people are saying, do nothing. When you are nothing, you want to become everything. When you are everything, you want to become nothing. 

Purposefully ruining your life is your current perspective. You see life moving down, depressing, shrinking, destroying.

Purposefully rebuild your life is another perspective. You see life moving up, optimism, expansion, creating. 

[remember]

3 hours ago, B_Naz said:

you're just guilt tripping yourself dude,

you should say fuck it and  detach yourself from everything, repress all emotions and don't take responsibility for your life. 

i see it more as an urge, once the urge is over, you'll want to do more because of the fuckups you've done.

in the end, you should be more aware of what happens when you let yourself go

works for me at least

maybe you should just say rock it and then try to detach.

[Commodent]

18 hours ago, Viking said:

no it's not how i would want it to be but the point is i dont want to put in the effort. i also dont believe i can truly enjoy things anymore, as if it's not a part of my physiology. i havent truly enjoyed things for more than 6 years i believe

i have a feeling as if people who enjoy themselves must be deluded in some way

Maybe you just need some rest. When you're being lazy yet guilty about it it's very easy to get stuck in a limbo. So maybe you should just allow yourself to sit with your laziness without any guilt. Try doing 2 weeks where you give yourself permission to be as lazy as absolutely possible, and see where that takes you Chances are you will experience big resistance to doing this.

I can relate to that of not enjoying oneself, I've been like that since my early teens myself. In my view, a disinterest in ordinary things is merely an invitation to find enjoyment in deeper things. I'm probably the one least interested in watching movies etc. among those I know, but then again I don't really know any others who would find joy in pure silence. Embrace the gift you have been given.

[Mo0ngrass]

It is easier to hold a coin in your palm with your hand open than it is to grasp it face down with your hand closed.

Things change, with or without your help. It is important to start with being kind to yourself, breathe and sleep until you're ready to get up. Stay in the present as much as you can when awake, past and future are mountains you carry on your shoulders which you can release.

You could at some point attempt to control your underlying emotions by scheduling your feelings (i.e Plan time for worry, anger, self-pity whatever it is that is keeping you stuck in apathy). When you're ready it helps to make plans for the day on waking so you think less and do more.  It could be as simple as get up, eat, sleep or as complex as an ideal day of your life; make it easy to achieve, as long as you stay in the present and be compassionate with your self through the rest of the day. Try being present and inwardly kind for one day, worst case scenario, you end up where you already are. 

A super lazy relaxing way to connect with yourself and stay present is by listening to Eckhart Tolle power of now on YouTube. All from the comfort of your own bed or chair and the freedom to fall asleep if you need to since so much resistance must be holistically exhausting. 

Love.