I don't know anymore

[Potential]

Hello everyone, this is my first post on the forum. First of all excuse me for some spelling and grammar mistakes, my English is not perfect haha. I will try my best. 

I am 20 years old. I am working at a callcenter 16 hours a week (4 shifts). I get 0 satisfaction from this job. It makes me feel misarable. 

Also, my home-situation makes me very sad. I want to leave ASAP, but that is difficult. 

I am following the life purpose course at this moment which is amazing and really helps me. I am really into personal development, spirituality and discovering reality. As an 5 year old kid I already often asked deep questions and thought hours long about how I am here and who I am. I love it. To be honest, I never had a real passion or purpose other than that. I loved learning but hated school. I always struggled and I am stil struggling with this "low consciousness" society. I feel like I don't belong and that makes me feel very sad and lonely. I am very different. I don't know what to do. I am in survival mode and think I can't really follow my passion. Everyday I wake up I feel down but force myself to do things. 

Good days and bad days alternate, altough I can't call it good days but more like "OK" days. Days with hope despite feeling sad. This alternation in "good and bad days" really makes me confused. I don't know anymore when I feel good or bad, it really depends on the day and the moment. One day I think I feel good and have hope for the future and I am working on myself, the other day I am sad, self sabotaging, not doing anything while I am in a victim mindset. It really pisses me off. It feels like I can't trust myself anymore.

I really want to make my life great, and make the world a better place. But at this moment i feel terrible and don't know what to do and how to feel better. Maybe this is written a bit chaotic haha. I tried to write my feelings and thoughts as authentic possible. 

My questions are:

-What would you advise me?

-How can I feel better?

-Do you relate to feeling different and lost in this society? If yes, how do you deal with it?

I am open to all input and I look forward to the responses. 

Thank you a lot in advance. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Applegarden]

5 minutes ago, Potential said:

My questions are:

-What would you advise me?

-How can I feel better?

-Do you relate to feeling different and lost in this society? If yes, how do you deal with it?

I am open to all input and I look forward to the responses. 

I can really relate retty well with you! Painfully well, in fact.

Depends on what you want to do -- do you want to better your external circumstances, underestand, you will have to go many strivings and suffer to get into comfortable place, which is for indefinate amount of time, and will pass after some time, as you know life tends to change in unexpected ways. If you want to focus on innerwork, its a rabbithole, but it leads to freedom, mostly only suffering worth to going trough.

How can you feel better? Use your suffering to inspire action for transformation, underestand that without action towards the change, there will be no change, just recognize that. Its ok, and just try try try alot of spiritual stuff out, follow your intuition, keep reining your consclusions, let your minds die, no matter what.

Do i relate? I am in the process of dropping everything and just keeping my job, which is unfullfilling, rest is based on enlightenment work/ lifestyle advancment.

Please, hang in there! You will thank yourself later.

 

[Forestluv]

Looks like a good candidate for a dream board:

 

[Elisabeth]

It seems to me you could benefit from some mainstream psychological help, be it a support group or a therapist. You do sound mildly depressed. They can help you understand your feelings way better. 

Follow the positive strain of self-help too, as Serotoninluv suggests. They are complementary. 

[Potential]

@Applegarden Thank you for your reaction! Yeah, I don't want to depend on external circumstances, I want to focus on the internal part. I tent to be more theoratical, and not practical enough. I am stuck in my mind often. I will try to turn suffering into action. I want to become the best version. Inspiring that you will focus on enlightenment work now, I wish you the best with that.

Another question: which spiritual things do you recommend?

@Serotoninluv Thank you! I am going to look at it

@Elisabeth Thank you for your reaction. I had psychological help a while back (CBT). It helped a bit, but stagnated after a while, so I decided to stop. And yes I think my depression is back. It often comes back. Maybe I will try some CBT again. And yes I really like the positive self-help and I have become more positive, but I have a hard time keeping that positivity.

Any advice on how to maintain the positivity?

 

 

 

[Elisabeth]

@Potential Yes, you can go back to CBT if it's the easiest support to get right now. Group therapy would be also good. I'm not sure CBT will help you heal your childhood shit, you might want to do a different kind of therapy in the future.

I realized now your big challenge is your family situation and getting to live elsewhere. So focus on that. Moving will change - well, not everythig, but a lot of stuff. 

You can also think about finding a less horrible job in the short-term. There's a reason why no-one wants to work at call centres for more than a few months. 

Use networking for the practical stuff, like finding a place to live or a different job. Watch this, it's fun: 

 

[Osaid]

@Potential Different and lost in this society? Yes. I still am, but not as lost as before thanks to Actualized.org. I also hate school and I am still in it. But, I've decided to use school to train spirituality while I am stuck there. This way, I've transformed something bad like school into something good that I can benefit from. I can use it to practice social interactions, mindfulness, positivity, etc. A big goal of mine is to be unconditionally happy, and an annoying place like school is perfect for practicing that. 

If you find yourself drifting into the victim mindset, just ask yourself this:
Who is responsible for the overall quality of your life?

YOU are.

If that isn't motivating enough, I like this video from Leo:

 

Good luck. I really resonate with your struggle of being lost and not fitting in, and hope you can find your way as I find mine.

[IJB063]

@Potential Hey Buddy, I'm currently reading a great book on this topic called "Mastery" by Robert Greene

If you're interested here's a link to a pdf, give it brief read, at the first chapter, it won't disappoint, I'm finding it really helpful, hopefully you do to

http://ewai.edu.vn/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Mastery.pdf

Godbless

 

Edited March 11, 2020 by IJB063

[Elton]

@Potential of course you must take the advise offered by the above people follow the mastery mindset have a vision follow your purpose or do whatever you find happiness/bliss/joy/flow/passion in.

For emotions I suggest you welcome every emotion and observe it allowing and being aware of emotions is a very powerful way to deal with emotions.

Also journalling is a very effective way in the long run.. consider making a common place journal it's super powerful I wish I new about this in school...

Try setting your mood to feel bettwr this is a underestimated technique I hear no one talking about, I read this in the book the magic of thinking big where the author says that your mind is a thought producing machine and one though leads to another so if that is the case why don't we set good thoughts in our mind first thing in the morning the rest can be a domino effect.

I encourage you to try out these techniques as even one thing you follow can change your life for the better.