Being With One Woman For The Rest Of My Life.

[Eye]

Hi everyone,

I've been in a beautiful relationship for 5 years, not married yet but I think Im going to propose to her somewhere in the future. No kids so far. Just a stupid cat.

I am into personal development for 8 years, the last 2 years were more active. I really have tried hard and I simply cannot solve this idea of being with her till the literal END, regardless of how great this relationship now is. It's a fucking great relationship and I cannot imagine leaving her, BUT once for a while I have these sneaky thoughts that there are so many gorgeous women out there and by staying forever with my current love I simply miss a lot. I feel stuck. 

My ego wants to flirt, to cheat, my ego wants to experience "something different", however my heart tells me to stay with her because I won't find any better being out there. For me, this is the hardest ego game to overcome. 

Maybe some of you have had a similar experience? Maybe you were in the same position and decided to cheat/leave? Or decided to stay and it was the best you did? Let me learn from your experiences.

Bless!

 

[Ayla]

Do you think she would be open to talk about this with you? 

If there is real love there, you need complete openness between you, loving the less common/attractive attributes about each other. 

I see this as a time bomb. Find a way to understand what her feelings are. 

A woman who loves her man can have multiple facets to her, in order to keep her man in love and interested. How about this? Maybe you could find in HER all that you desire. 

As a final point, I do not agree with the idea that we are meant to have just one partner throughout our life. Quite the pressure and the perfect recipe for not being able to evolve. 

[Eye]

20 hours ago, Ayla said:

Do you think she would be open to talk about this with you? 

Well... I think we are quite open to each other and we both believe so, but just imagine that: Hey honey! Look, I love you so much but sometimes I have thoughts about cheating on you and the idea of being with you till we are 80 years old freakes me out. How about that?

I was watching Leo's episode on lying where he talks about being really deeply sincere with ourselves and our partners especially when it comes to cheating. It's damn hard thing to do.

Thank you:)

 

[Sarah Marie]

Here is a perspective from a married non traditional gal, because I had the SAME fear as you. I literally could not even think about staying with one person forever, so I talk to my husband about open marriage and guess what? He didn't shoot me down, he said he's not there yet but possible could be one day. Now, I am okay either way now that I've been married a while and we've explored sexually. If she's open minded go for it. 

[Ayla]

11 minutes ago, Eye said:

Hey honey! Look, I love you so much but sometimes I have thoughts about cheating on you and the idea of being with you till we are 80 years old freakes me out. How about that?

I am sure that you love this woman, and it is THAT LOVE that would help you frame it and time it in a way that suits you both

Also, I am sure you are not a cheater but a free spirit who is afraid that being tied up would suffocate him.... We are talking here about a discussion, not a separation or a decision or even an open marriage as there is no marriage yet  

Be sure to state clearly that you are not communicating AN INTENTION, but A FEAR ! 

 

[Ricksta]

Dear Eye

You ask in your post for some similar experiences so that you can learn from them. And I will oblige you on this point, as painful as it still is to me.

I was married to a beautiful woman for 6 years, in total we were together for 9. Prior to getting married I had one other sexual partner, a girl that I'm afraid to say, had many hangups. So when I got married it would be a fair statement to make that I had practically no sexual experience. Unfortunately the marriage was rocky from the start and resembled a Bosnian skirmish on the border between unknown factions at the dead of night more than anything else. My ex is a very highly educated person with regards to emotions and I was immature at best, so she constantly turned to other relationships to have her emotional needs met (guys and girls). Despite going for therapy and all sorts of things my emotional development was slow at best and we simply could not meet each other on a mutually satisfying level.

I eventually became very disheartened and lonely. More so when I saw the intense way that she communicated with her friends and colleagues. After 2 years of marriage by chance I met a girl and she fell in love with me. I was never in love with her to the same level that she was with me, however the carefree and comfortable companionship was what hooked me from the start. We never slept together but there was some intense sexual exchanges on occasion. However the main thing was the emotional connection I had with this girl. It lasted for three years at which point she wanted to take things further. I didn't have the balls to do this. By this stage my marriage had deteriorated to such a level that I had no option but to disclose to my wife everything that had happened, and at a later stage how I felt about things as well. It was the beginning of the end. After three tumultuous years since that day we finally wrapped things up, divorced and went our separate ways.

If I had to reflect on your situation, it seems similar to mine in a way. I believe for a man, it is not the correct way to be involved in a long term relationship if the idea of being with lots of women has not yet been burnt out of his system. Truly he must be ready to settle, otherwise it is simply a ticking time bomb. Cheating is not worth it, and denying yourself is also not worth it.

[Frogfucius]

On February 8, 2016 at 10:02 AM, Sarah_Flagg said:

Here is a perspective from a married non traditional gal, because I had the SAME fear as you. I literally could not even think about staying with one person forever, so I talk to my husband about open marriage and guess what? He didn't shoot me down, he said he's not there yet but possible could be one day. Now, I am okay either way now that I've been married a while and we've explored sexually. If she's open minded go for it. 

That's awesome. I have read some theories that humanity didn't evolve into monogamy. We used to not live as long as we do now, and thus our minds are innately conditioned for short-term rather than long-term commitments in order to ensure survival with more capable mates. Basically, the idea that you should settle for only one person and it's a be all, end all ordeal is just a construct of social conditioning.

Based on what I have observed in my own experience, I can see some merit to these theories. There's not one couple I personally know in real life that have been together 'happily ever after' - it always breaks down. Not that couples that stay in love and committed forever don't exist - just that they're rare, and the exception to the norm.

[MarcusJ]

Not to be pessimistic... but all good relationships come to an end.  It is just a question of time, the good one's almost last a life time.

[flhugoboss]

To be mathematical...ask her "how many sex partners you have had before you met me"... she says...5. if she ask you the same, your answer is 6 then just...focking STOP destroying this situation you created - "It's a fucking great relationship and I cannot imagine leaving her". 

If your answer is "less than or EQUAL" to 5 or whatever her answer is, then you just need to be separated from her and go and date others and have some fun and then come back to her.

In this case, you better post some kinda surety bond to "play" or have some cash in the bank, guy. It's like $100,000+, otherwise, she WILL dump your ASS. 

You won't be able to come back to her. Haaa. I am not saying if you got the money then you can play. you missed my point. if you have some kinda wealth, in general you are more attractive before marriage and she is "more likely" to forgive you for playing hooky once. you don't have the cash don't play. cus you can't. that's life. if you don't have money, true love is ALL you can give. Then stay TRUE. 

Sincerely,

Felix the Hugoboss