Self-esteem/respect issues: Social

[Matt23]

I've noticed that I often have this issue come up with others:    They do/say something which I feel hurts/disrespects myself or values --> I fear standing up for myself or don't since it's not the "right" time (like in the middle of a class or something) -->  when I don't express my hurt and get what I need (want?) in terms of being treated a certain way, I feel I have to either completely ignore the person or if I do give them attention (respect?) I'm lowering my own self and I feel awful...

Basically, I don't notice others being bugged by these issues around me as much...  like they don't care really about how other people treat them or they can just let things go more easily or something without feeling they are giving up and accruing lots of damage to their self-esteem and worth...

I've oftened struggled with self-esteem... I was bullied a lot I think when I was younger by my brother and have lots of negative self-image issues (don't think I'm good enough, etc. --> perhaps to a larger degree than many...?) and this issue keeps coming up --> I fear getting into any relationships since I feel someone will say or do something (maybe even unintentionally) and this whole thing will come up again and I'll feel like shit and they won't know why and it will be a huge issue and I'll get super depressed again...

How have you experienced these issues?  

What is your view?

What has helped you?  --> healing work? --> just being assertive? --> I feel like I've done the assertive thing, and that if I went all out with the assertiveness that would be mean me having to fight the other person to be as I want.... and I don't see that as being very viable...  ?

Maybe it's just that I have such a low self-image which makes me that sensitive to others?  --> solution? --> develop/work on/get rid of my self-image more?

Cheers

[BETGR164128]

@Matt23 Why don't you try doing a dream board? 

[Matt23]

How have you used a dream-board to help with self-esteem?

[ZenBlue]

The self-esteem issue actually plagues most of the world. The many problems we have in society stems from a lack of self-esteem. Most people are just really good at hiding it, but know that you are not alone in this issue. The reason why most of us do anything is for validation from others. Most people who seem like they have high self-esteem are living in an illusion. They only feel that way because of the external validations. If you take away their external validations they quickly crumble into a chaotic mess.

The way to obtain true self-esteem comes from loving yourself as you are. When you learn to accept yourself with all of your flaws, and don't judge yourself for who you are, you will develop a high sense of self-esteem that isn't dependent on any external validations.

What has helped me is a variety of many things I have done. I have made a lot of progress, but I am still far from perfect and still have a lot of work left to do.

Here are some things that helped me:

- Pushing my comfort zone, and doing the things that scare me or make me uncomfortable. I'm still finding ways to push my comfort zone regularly. This has helped me to grow and develop and has boosted my confidence.

- Regular meditation for a period of years. This has allowed me to ground myself and create the space I need to learn more about who I am. This is an on-going practice for me because it is a tool that helps me.

- Learning new things and constantly improving my skills. This makes me feel more competent and less dependent on others to make my way through this world.

- Psychedelics (Really helps put things into perspective and pushes through a lot of your emotional wounds.)

- Energy healing like reiki, and guided meditations.

- Having more confrontations with people, to the point of almost getting into fist fights. Also known as expressing myself more authentically.

You mentioned you fear standing up for yourself and being more assertive. It does feel like you have to fight others to be as you want to be. It's true. In a sense you do have to fight others to be as you want to be. Not physically, but energetically you need to fight. Everyone wants to impose their will on you. The more you express yourself authentically without judging yourself, the better you will feel. That means sometimes your authentic emotions will look ugly to the outside world. Authenticity is not always pleasant. Dare to be more assertive. Dare to be more opinionated. Dare to stand up for yourself and express yourself as you want to. Dare to love yourself.

Edited March 13, 2020 by ZenBlue

[Javfly33]

On 13/3/2020 at 9:00 PM, ZenBlue said:

....

- Having more confrontations with people, to the point of almost getting into fist fights. Also known as expressing myself more authentically.

You mentioned you fear standing up for yourself and being more assertive. It does feel like you have to fight others to be as you want to be. It's true. In a sense you do have to fight others to be as you want to be. Not physically, but energetically you need to fight. Everyone wants to impose their will on you. The more you express yourself authentically without judging yourself, the better you will feel. That means sometimes your authentic emotions will look ugly to the outside world. Authenticity is not always pleasant. Dare to be more assertive. Dare to be more opinionated. Dare to stand up for yourself and express yourself as you want to. Dare to love yourself.

OMG! That inspired me completely. Awesome post 

Edited March 19, 2020 by Javfly33

[Nahm]

Perhaps an awakening to the futility of focusing on any force-struggles between self & other, and a calling back to the deepening of focus on one’s own creation of one’s desired life. Judgement of self & other is sneaky and takes every thought avenue one allows until it is fully realized it was never needed to begin with. A full circle back to where you were / are. Regaining focus on one’s own creation, one’s own life, is not force, but true power derived of the less conditional alignment with all of creation. It is already unfolding in relation to the letting go of focus on aspects of rivalry & unnecessary comparisons. The presence of a knowingly Self empowered creator is such that these thoughts are forgotten and realized to have never been needed. “Turn the other cheek” is only apparently “needed” to make such a turn with ‘where’ one puts one’s attention. A problem is solved until it is realized a problem never needed attention, and could be said to be “the problem”. Honestly in desire is in and of itself the catalyst of the healing of the very same source. Focusing on what one uniquely wants intrinsically let’s the patterns of old, the identification with past, go - as what is drawn upon, what is materialized and much more deeply known, is the total awesomeness, of you.

It’s redundant, but.. have you tried a dreamboard?

[Matt23]

@Nahm Yeah, I did Leo's life purpose course and we did one in there.  

I guess I still don't understand how a dream board can help with self-esteem.  I feel like it's way out in left field when I'm trying to deal with the pitcher, almost like not dealing with the issue at hand or in the way I need to deal/learn from it from where I am at the moment...  I dunno.

How do you see dream boards being helpful here?

[Nahm]

@Matt23

We get more of what we focus on. One fully knowing and expressing what one is wanting is filled with the enthusiasm & passion. What is wanted = what feels good, to you. So, inherently, this feels good, to you. Everything you are wanting, is coming, from feeling good about it.  What becomes apparent, is that you are creating it. “What anyone else thinks or chooses to focus on”, is known as a bird chirp.