My Autistic Brother Wants A Girlfriend

[Kazman]

I have an autistic brother, he really wants a girlfriend.

I have a girlfriend and we recently had a kid and I'm not that great at the dating game, my first gf Whom I later married was a friend of mine and we decided to have a relationship but ultimately I had to leave because it didn't work out.

Then I met my recent gf at a tantra-festival and it was just the mood and magic of the moment and then we couldn't let go of each other for the months to come and shortly afterwards she was pregnant and we've just gone along since (and it's going quite great!)

so that's my story with women. I can't really give him any hook up-techniques since I've never used any.

He's fairly tall and strong so that's good about his looks, and quite extrovert for an autist but his social game that is so crucial when picking up is not at all functioning.

either he talks only about himself or he thinks about something else.

i'm curious if somebody knows of any autistic well functioning relationships. What can he aim for? Are there any dating opportunities for people with autism spectrum? I want to help him and tell him what to work on.

 

tldr: anyone ever heard/know of an autist in a relationship? How did it happen, how does it work? What's a good starting place to work? Any tips/ideas?

[Toby]

What about Autism/Asper-Self-Help-groups or forums? If he meets someone there, it might be better for understanding each other.

[Kazman]

21 hours ago, Toby said:

What about Autism/Asper-Self-Help-groups or forums? If he meets someone there, it might be better for understanding each other.

@Toby thanks, yeah probably.

[reez]

@Kazman

I am diagnosed with Light-Azperger. 

I do believe your brother can work on getting better with communication with people. I had a lot of problem with that when I was younger but now it's better. However, something he will never get "rid off" is how much we analyze everything, I was out for 8h yesterday, and the day after (today) I am like a walking zombie and I don't wanna do anything.

[DizIzMikey]

@Kazman Google and youtube autistic relationships I can almost guarantee there is a wealth of information on this

I really do hope he gets what he is looking for I feel for him in my own way.

[J. M. Wigglesworth]

I remember Rsd Tyler mentioning that he has some sort of light autism and he still does incredible with women. Check out Real Social Dynamics on youtube, they have incredible, nuanced advice on how to get success with women.

[Kazman]

Thanks for the replies! Keep them coming

[CuteCornDog]

Very very thoughtful thread.

I think your brother and I are both ENTJ's.

You're an ESTP.

Not many people understand MBTI, including most Psychotherapists.

It's a valuable personality tool that could actually help a lot of people if and only if they actually understand it.

There's only one Psychotherapist in the entire county I live in that understands it.

Most people on the internet abuse this tool.

 

Edited July 1, 2016 by Christopher Ferguson

[Pallero]

Is there an autism association in your area? Socializing with like-minded people might give him more confidence. Also, if he meets other autistic people in good-functioning relationships, that can obviously help too. The goal is to make him feel as deserving as anyone else to have the kind of relationship he wants.

Another thing he can try is meeting people online, because there you can write your messages and you have time to think what to say next. After a while of having an online relationship (being honest about the autism of course), they can meet in RL and take it from there.

It's challenging, but I like to say: do you think it's easy for anybody?

Don't worry about the social skills. They can be developed, like any skill.

[Christian]

@Kazman

I also have autism like your brother and learning social skills and dating is hard. Does not come easy to me and it takes a life long commitment to really get good at relationships and get a girlfriend. 

A commitment to learn social skills. To learn game and embody the principles. To discover and live out a life purpose. To meditate every day. To self actualize and study oneself carefully..