Did I just have an ego death?

[StripedGiraffe]

Yesterday, I ate 3g of Penis Envy Magic Mushrooms. This was my fourth mushroom trip and was my highest dose to date, considering the strength of the strain. I went so much deeper than my other trips. It's extremely difficult to describe, of course, but I'm wondering if I had some degree of ego death during my peak. The whole time, I was conscious of my body and personal history but at the same time, I was also conscious that my life, current perception, and even this universe are just a temporary illusion and in a way, I felt tapped into the infinite possibilities of the Mind. I felt like my consciousness transcended my identity. I was aware of my absolute nature. It was beyond logic and every time I tried to think of how to grasp or explain this, I just laughed my ass off because of how absurd this notion is. What I experienced could net ever be communicated. I also became aware of new meta-patterns of my ego. I pretty much experienced the same thing on Ayahuasca like 6 months ago, except, this time, I was less scared because I had pretty much experienced this form of consciousness before. From what Leo says, ego death has many degrees and variations, but I just want to know if this seems like some sort of ego death. Are you even conscious of your human identity during "full" ego death? Thanks in advance!

Edited March 4, 2020 by StripedGiraffe

[Chakra Lion]

28 minutes ago, StripedGiraffe said:

The whole time, I was conscious of my body and personal history but at the same time, I was also conscious that my life, current perception, and even this universe are just a temporary illusion and in a way, I felt tapped into the infinite possibilities of the Mind. I felt like my consciousness transcended my identity. I was aware of my absolute nature.

You were conscious of your identity. As you were experiencing this, you said that the ‘I’ felt trapped. The I dies with the Ego. Definitely a taste of the infinite being that one truly is nothing and everything. 
Without question, you will know when you had a Ego Death. 

[StripedGiraffe]

@Chakra Lion I said I felt TAPPED into infinity. I definitely did not feel trapped haha

[Endangered-EGO]

@StripedGiraffe Ego death and nothingness doesn't end consciousness or awareness. This sounds like you had a glimpse at the nothingness. However I it literally feels like dying... nothingness doesn't mean there is no awareness or consciousness, you might be referring to the state of neither perception or non-perception.

Infinity, time standing still, no-thing-ness, reality being an illusion, the self being an illusion, other people being just like me: "meat robots without a self", no difference between a dream and the waking state, Seeing things as they are, time not existing, realisation that nothing outside of my awareness exists, seeing reality without filter is what I experienced by dying (sober). It also felt like I changed perspective, from the one of an ant to a giant, everything was HUUUGE. Not disproportionate, everything was the same, but just the perspective of it changed.

The infinity always came first, I would love to say that.

 

You seem to be pretty okay with it and not terrified of it.

The most painful experience I had with the ego death was the realisation, that I am all alone. That's the fucking worst existential fucking pain I could experience. I was told that this pain was the pain that led God felt as he divided himself.

I am telling you this, because sober this was a hard pill to swallow, so don't freak out once you experience this after dying.

[StripedGiraffe]

@Endangered-EGO Thanks for your input, my friend. My experience sounds similar to yours, although it's ridiculous for us to try to understand each other's experiences through language. But that's the best we've got lol. Overall, it was absolutely jaw-dropping amazing and positive experience. I think I wasn't scared because I Experienced a very similar state six months ago, so although it reshattered my paradigm and sense of self, it was more of a remembering than it was some foreign shift consciousness, even though my shift in consciousness was obviously dramatic.

[Inliytened1]

5 hours ago, Chakra Lion said:

Without question, you will know when you had a Ego Death. 

 Nailed.

[Leo Gura]

@StripedGiraffe Yes, you got a tiny glimpse of your true identity: God, Infinite Mind.

Keep going deeper. You've only just begun. Don't increase your dose. Just do more trips and contemplate the shit out of each one until clarity is reached. Each trip will thus take you deeper and deeper. Until one day you reach total realization of yourself as God: creator of the Universe.

[TheAvatarState]

@StripedGiraffe ego death is when you forget you're a human. You can't remember your name. You just "are." When you experience ego death, you won't need to ask whether you had one or not 

[Endangered-EGO]

@Leo Gura  I am interested in what is the difference between, every part of the awakening I have experienced and God. I felt the nothingness, the all-aloneness, the absence of an external reality, life being a dream, but it was more like being trapped into it and not creating it. The absence of love might have played a role into this, but I doubt that being trapped in all what I have listed with or without love would give me the impression of God creating it.

I also experience infinite consciousness once in a while. It is not possible to communicate it, and I wasn't fully into it either, but I am somehow not able to make the link between infinite consciousness while meditating and what is supposed to be God experiencing itself.

Or maybe there is just not more to it, and if I had known what mystics called god back then, I would have called that God? Might just be a word thing though.

 

I am definitely missing something for "GOD" (love for sure), and I am sure there are other things to experience.

[Chakra Lion]

14 minutes ago, Endangered-EGO said:

I also experience infinite consciousness once in a while. It is not possible to communicate it, and I wasn't fully into it either, but I am somehow not able to make the link between infinite consciousness while meditating and what is supposed to be God experiencing itself.

Or maybe there is just not more to it, and if I had known what mystics called god back then, I would have called that God? Might just be a word thing though.

 

I am definitely missing something for "GOD" (love for sure), and I am sure there are other things to experience.

 @Endangered-EGOThe reason you don't see god experiencing itself in infinite consciousness is that you imagine there to be something more, a 'missing link' to close the separation, to keep yourself from being god. You are the infinite god experiencing itself right now, but you have to accept that doubtingly. 

You are not missing anything, its all very clear and simple. Making it more complicating and feeling like you are missing something to experience god fully is just illusions the ego creates to keep you in this human mind and body. Accept that you are the Infinite Spirit, and see it all as one energy, no separation, nothing that isn't god.

Surrender and Flow - just sharing what has helped personally  

[Endangered-EGO]

@Chakra Lion  I am just going to meditate on it until I experience ego death while meditating on it again, then there should be understanding, because right now it is not really a life-changing thing, Its not even close to be as crazy as the nothingness either.

[StripedGiraffe]

@Leo Gura Thank you, brother. I wish you love on your journey of healing your health issues and awakening.

[Leo Gura]

@Endangered-EGO What you are missing is the obvious: that you are God. And also what God is.

These are deeper, more advanced kinds of awakening which require a lot of purification and profound levels of contemplation and questioning. And ultimately a state change is required. You cannot access God from your current state of consciousness.

You are on the right track, you just have to go much deeper.

If you did some 20 to 50 psychedelic trips, that would start to clear up the God question. Just start  Keep going.

Meditation is not good enough. You need to upgrade your neurotransmitters.