Being Authentic

[rrodriguez11]

Hey, I can relate to Leo because I was a people pleaser.  These last few years I have been able to tone it down because of many books and practicing mindfulness.  But I still overthink many of my actions, words, and expressions and the outcome of these feel unauthentic.  Any tips on being completely authentic and erasing that worry out of my mind? 

Thanks!

Edited February 8, 2016 by rrodriguez11

[Avi]

Being authentic is such an interesting topic. What does "being authentic" actually mean though? We all have different definitions but the main one is "being the real you". Well what does that mean? It could possibly mean that in every situation that you ever encounter in your life you need to express your beliefs, assumptions, and conclusions onto a specific situation. What a task! 

The "truth" is you can't be authentic. It's impossible and further more trying to be authentic is really also being not authentic at the same time. Does that make sense? You change every second that goes by, small changes, but over time you can notice it. Brain chemical move from here to there, the clothes you wear change, the hair style, and the beliefs and judgements you make change all the time. It's even happening right now in your sub-conscious. How can you be authentic if you are always changing?

Try to not focus on being authentic. Instead focus on just "being". In the words of Leo, "Well Avi! What does that mean!?" When I say focus on just "being", I mean focus on your awareness and introspection of your thoughts and feelings. Ask yourself why am I like this? Why am I feeling this? Who am I really? Who is speaking right now? Who isn't speaking right now? Why am I here? Who am I again? 

I know it sounds crazy but from my own experience I have become a little more peaceful and real with "myself". As for erasing the worry out of your mind I urge you to step out of your worry and just observe yourself with the worry. Notice how you can separate yourself from your thoughts, after some practice of course. Over the course of years you eventually realize that there is no mind, just being. 

I hope I gave some insight. I am still learning myself so please if anyone has feedback for rrodriguez11 or myself, please don't hesitate to post below.      

Edited February 8, 2016 by Avi

[Abeo Maria]

@Avi and @rrodriguez11 I think authenticity can make different things to different people depending on their journey in life. Authenticity could be expressing your opinions and beliefs and shouting them from atop a mountain and not being afraid to do so. However for some authenticity could be knowing that it's not a part of their nature to impose those beliefs on other people? Do you see what I'm saying?
Like you mentioned @Avi i think authenticity is more about being present. Because who we are isn't full identification with our thoughts and emotions anyway if we let them speak for us all the time, how would we know if that's the true nature of ourselves?
I think authenticity is more in the form of what you do then what you say and how you say it? Your actions or lack their of speak to the truth about you, more then anything else, at least that's my take on it.
Authenticity is more about yourself then others. If you feel connected to a higher purpose, challenged, content, optimistic etc; it would seem that you have reached a point of truth within yourself.
If you feel scared, anxious, nervous it means that your relationship with yourself is fear based.

[Andrew]

I think being authentic is something that your tuned into , you have to work at it (that's why we're all here) but when your in the moment and expressing yourself in an authentic way there is a "knowingness" your not overthinking anything just being and expressing yourself in the moment in whatever way the moment calls for it's like this authentic knowing is guiding you 

I have had such experiences though they don't happen all the time and I am certainly working on my people pleasing and over analyzing as unfortunately this is something I have struggled with all my life as well. 

Mindfulness and meditation is definitely helping me to just be able to observe myself overanalysing or if I'm concerned about how I'm coming across to other people I bring my attention into the feelings and sensations also becoming aware of space around you helps as it draws consciousness away from the mind 

As for worrying about things I think the combination of mindfulness and doing inner work like journalling or simply asking questions "what am I worried about ? Why ? Why does this bother me ? you may be surprised at what it is your actually worried about and may be able to release the emotion/energy around that so it doesn't bother you any more 

[rrodriguez11]

Thanks a lot for the feedback guys. Reading your comments made me think about Leo's video about free will and how someone can be at their most authentic by just letting go of control.  That's why being inauthentic is like being neurotic.  Its worrying about something you have no control of.

[Aldo Marchand]

 @rrodriguez11

I see the personality as balance of what we know, believe and some kind of instinctive components are also present.

Is really hard to define one complex human being by one word.

[Kelley White]

On 2/8/2016 at 10:49 AM, rrodriguez11 said:

Hey, I can relate to Leo because I was a people pleaser.  These last few years I have been able to tone it down because of many books and practicing mindfulness.  But I still overthink many of my actions, words, and expressions and the outcome of these feel unauthentic.  Any tips on being completely authentic and erasing that worry out of my mind? 

Thanks!

@rrodriguez11 @Avi @Abeo Maria @Andrew @Aldo Marchand Great thread.  I really enjoy your comments and observations.

Some thoughts I've been throwing around related to people pleasing, my favorite mistake. LOL 

Let's say my passion, my heroic journey is being of service.  Being of service is done from a place of consent and usually done from a space on non entitlement.   It does not interfere.  It does not insert itself without consent.   It says I find you capable to resolve for yourself unless you ask for my help.  It has limits/healthy boundaries which are respected.

So in say Law enforcement you arrive, assess; will my actions make the situation better or worse? What is my business, what is the business of the others involved? What are the potential outcomes based up on different actions and one must do it within seconds.  Life and death may depend upon it.   You analyze, you also revert to conditioned training, feel and go.  Other times?  Its none of your business and you leave.  You say not my tea party not my rabbits per the law.  I'm not certain thinking prior to acting is preferable to feel and go without thought? 

Now in my professional life I was stellar at it.  I had the law, I knew the rules to play by.  In real life? 

My passionate heart wrote checks my good intentions couldn't cash.   I am now learning to say no, learning to say yes but wait, and learning to save myself the guilt of being overbooked and incapable of delivering. 

I have to agree with many of the folks above, its hard to sustain in-authenticity very long.  Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Who you are shouts out loud."  People tell us who they are we just don't always want to believe them by my experience.  At least I'm guilty as charged. LOL

The only thing I would differ slightly with is that being scared, anxious, or nervous means your relationship with yourself is based upon fear. 

This is true in one context, so it may be meant in that context.  However all of these feelings can also be valid and indicative of being in an unhealthy environment or situation, and perhaps its best to ask which is the case before just assuming that is unrealistic or abnormal and originating from within?

My last observation is, the only time I really fear I appear I come across inauthentic is when I am worried about what others think of me.  Now I know I am in Mind Reading land.   Usually coming back to what is, or asking for a reality check makes it dissipate.   My wee observations.

 

Thank you for a really good question, and great thread everyone.