I have to start all over.

[Swagala]

Back in college when I was depressed and found Actualized.org, I binge watched a lot of the deep videos. I was basically high on eating up concepts that I really didn't understand. I built up strong ignorance after watching all the videos and naively thinking I knew what Leo was really trying to transmit without ever having a mystical experience. Fast forward to now, I've been having mystical experiences but I am having trouble understanding what's actually going on. I decided to watch the old videos I've watched and even ones I did not watch back in those depressed college days. It was a tough pill to swallow; accepting that I have to start all over because I was full of delusion. Now that I've had mystical experiences, the videos have much more truth than I would have ever imagined. 

[Elham]

Can you please share your mystical experience? 

[mandyjw]

There are a lot of spiritual books, or even posts on this forum that I have to read several time to get the full meaning out of. Sometimes over the course of years and other times within the course of a half hour. Remember that consciousness is alive, dynamic. There's no ground. There's no you, but an illusion that's always in flux. That illusion colors and veils things strongly, so as it is seen through "the same things" revisited become incredibly rich and new. You'll never step into the same river twice. You will be entirely changed and so will the river. This is what is meant by the importance of having "beginners mind". Nothing was ever lost, nothing was ever wasted. There's just perfect never ending unfolding beauty here and now. 

 

[Swagala]

58 minutes ago, Elham said:

Can you please share your mystical experience? 

I'm not sure if I can actually describe it well but I'll try. There was an experience of a higher state of consciousness. The state I was in felt like it was the only place. My experience was the only experience. There was nothing going on, there was only now. This place felt like it's where people can tap into to really understand what the human experience really is. It was a universal place.

Honestly, I may be naming my experience as "mystical" incorrectly. My vocabulary- the words I choose to use to name things feel arbitrarily picked at times. I don't know what other people would actually consider my experience as in terms of naming it. Maybe it was just a standard "spiritual" experience although I don't know yet what the difference between a spiritual or mystical experience is if there even is a difference. Or it was a small awakening. My apologies for my lack of... whatever you wanna call this.

[Nahm]

@Swagala There’s no “you” which has to “start all over”. That’s a thought story. It’s the present, right now. Breathe, see, hear, feel. Recognize the sneakery of the thought / belief about “yourself”. You’re not in a “past”, it’s just a thought. The “you” in the thought story is not here now, breathing, seeing, hearing, feeling. 

Awareness is present. 

 

[Barna]

42 minutes ago, Swagala said:

The state I was in felt like it was the only place. My experience was the only experience. There was nothing going on, there was only now. This place felt like it's where people can tap into to really understand what the human experience really is. It was a universal place.

The simplicity of this description is amazing.

What were you doing when you had this experience?

[Swagala]

9 minutes ago, Barna said:

The simplicity of this description is amazing.

What were you doing when you had this experience?

I was just staring. Sitting, staring at a carpet. I saw how there was so much going on while "just looking at a carpet". So I sort of blanked out and let whatever is going on visually do its thing. I should also include that I was also breathing lol. I was breathing and staring at the same time. When I wasn't focused on the breath, that's when I'd drift off into somewhere else but here.

[Barna]

2 minutes ago, Swagala said:

I was just staring. Sitting, staring at a carpet. I saw how there was so much going on while "just looking at a carpet". So I sort of blanked out and let whatever is going on visually do its thing. I should also include that I was also breathing lol. I was breathing and staring at the same time. When I wasn't focused on the breath, that's when I'd drift off into somewhere else but here.

"Just" staring...

Don't underestimate staring. I've taken many kinds of psychedelics but "just staring" had one of the deepest effects. It's amazing how deep our experience can get just by reducing a bit the sensory and mental noice.

[VeganAwake]

Yep we have to learn its an unlearning.

Unknowing (looking at the world again with childlike eyes)

A dropping away of conceptual knowledge.

“You know of the how, but I know of the how-less.”

- Rabiʿa al-Basri (Sufi mystic)

 

[Ananta]

5 hours ago, Nahm said:

Awareness is present. 

@Swagala And the good news? YOU are awareness!

Ask yourself, are you aware? (Yes)

How do you know? You know, because it's you.

Awareness aware of itself.

[molosku]

Sound more like you played one round of monopoly rather than traversing back half-way trough... Back to basics, nothing wrong with that

[inFlow]

13 hours ago, Swagala said:

accepting that I have to start all over because I was full of delusion.

Good work! You are moving to stage Yellow! You are becoming a systemic thinker, it first shows up when you are self-reflecting and being honest about your not knowing, this is a HUUUUUUGE step for you! Be happy!

[Ero]

@Swagala Painful at first, there ain't really a way around it. I also had a period of arrogance as to my understanding, in the process of which I was neglecting very real things in my life I needed to work on. Think it like this - you either refuse to accept it and never learn what it really is about, or humble yourself and start anew. Believe me, after the painful process has passed (that is the exemplary fact that you are growing), what you will experience will be 1000 times more worth it. To give you a heads up, that's how purification works - shedding beliefs and ignorance is a painful process. But ask yourself - do you really want to stay ignorant or are you willing to pay the price? That is what it boils down to.

Edited March 3, 2020 by Ero