Mindfulness Of Fear

[Rilles]

Did a little experiment this morning, wanted to see how often thoughts of fear come up in my daily life

Every 5 minutes there is a thought about fear/survival in different degrees. 

Fears come mostly in very subtle forms, thoughts that are so normal that you dont even notice them anymore, ingrained into my survival.

 

Constant fears about

 

-Health/sickness (Especially now with the Coronavirus being on the news)

-Minor addictions

-Paying bills

-Not finding another/a new job

-Self Image

-Social fears/anxities

-Not finding another/a new apartment

-Music career

-My pestering father

 

These fears go in a loop throughout the day and usually I will just feel them and let them go or work on solving them. 

[BETGR164128]

@Rilles Its all consuming isn't it? I constantly live in fear of something, and when I'm able to let the thoughts go i find that things sometimes get worse for me externally sometimes. I'm hoping it will correct itself and the outside will start to reflect my inside more accurately. I'm starting to think I'm creating shadows from doing spritual work. 

[Rilles]

35 minutes ago, BETGR164128 said:

@Rilles Its all consuming isn't it? I constantly live in fear of something, and when I'm able to let the thoughts go i find that things sometimes get worse for me externally sometimes. I'm hoping it will correct itself and the outside will start to reflect my inside more accurately. I'm starting to think I'm creating shadows from doing spritual work. 

Yes it is, I dont think there will be a day when I am fearless, but its better to be conscious of it than to be completely ruled by it. 

What do you mean by creating shadows?

[BETGR164128]

@Rilles

I find myself being less interested in rising to other people's expectations the more my own expectations are let go of. Seems a double edged sword, I become more accepting but at the same time care less for doing the things that ensured people found me acceptable.

 

Maybe it's a spiral issue because I find myself mostly around orange centred people. Orange is very people skills centred, and it's especially augmented in business settings. But I find myself disillusioned with all that because it seems so unnecessary.

Edited March 2, 2020 by BETGR164128