How do i keep a healthy relationship with my mother?

[Shiva99]

I was a victim of the classic eduple complex, and the relationship between my mother and father was basically non existant, so my mother granted all her identity to raising me and my two sisters. However, from the age of 18ish till now (27) i was the only one left in the house she was caring for, and it ended up being a pretty bad relationship, where she didn't respect my privacy and boundaries, and started showing toxic clinginess. Right now im 27, and i will finally move out next month to my own place. I spoke to my mom yesterday since a long time, and it seems like she understood where things went wrong, but she still started crying a lot when i told her i will probably move to a new city in about a year (1 hour drive). In some way i understand why she feels like this, but in another way i totally don't. I feel like she still has a lot of wounds to patch up, and that she still clings to me in a bad way, but i wonder how to have a healthy relationship with her. I'm questioning if i should even tell her where my new place is at, because i'm scared she will cross my boundaries again. How to deal with this? 

Edited February 29, 2020 by Shiva99

[Identity]

I had a similar situation, only than to a lesser degree.

My mom was clinging to caring for me and me being her child. I guess this is a tendency most moms have when their children, especially youngest, transition into independence.

What helped for me is to write her a letter. In the letter I wrote about my feelings and thoughts. How it was time for me to become my own man. A big part was also thanking her for all the effort she put into raising me. Also, explaining that she can now let go of that period in her life, and focus on herself and her own happiness.

This turned out quite well. It gave her the time to slowly absorb the information without getting too defensive. It allowed me to express myself clearly. On the basis of that letter we than had some good conversations.

Our relationship dynamic/roles/identities have shifted to a different equilibrium in which I feel more in line with myself, and feel more respected for who I am.

Your situation does seem a bit more deep though. Evaluate for yourself whether an approach like this could be useful ❤️??

[Preety_India]

Relationship with a parent can be very destructive and turbulent in adulthood and a lot of parents especially moms do not have an understanding of how child psychology and maturity works. 

Please move out of a toxic parent's environment. It is super important for growth.. 

Parents are not Gods