The Journey to Freedom

[TDW1995]

Within this journal I plan to track three main areas: Meditation and Spirituality, Health and Wellness, and Social Confidence.  I consider these areas the most important at this point in my life.  Although I've already been taking action in these three areas, being able to journal my progress can be extremely beneficial by helping me stay accountable.  I plan to start tracking and setting weekly goals in each area starting March 1st, 2020.

 

Meditation and Spirituality: I still remember the date I started meditating.  It was September 2nd, 2015, so nearly four-and-a-half years ago.  There’s been ups and downs with meditation throughout the years, but I have maintained a very consistent habit of doing it every day (except for the summer of 2016, as that was when I was going through a very deep depression and meditation was too painful).  Just this past November I’ve been really committed to not only calm my mind, but to start doing hardcore enlightenment work.  I’ve known about enlightenment for about four years (ever since seeing Leo’s Spiritual Enlightenment-Intro video).  The moment I heard about spiritual enlightenment, the truth of no self, I was shocked and a little depressed.  I started to believe that life was meaningless and there was no point in putting much effort into anything.  But, over the past few months, I’ve really started to buy into the idea that spiritual awakening may be a profound thing that can be truly life changing; not a nihilistic way of viewing the world.  So, over the past few months I’ve been doing Strong Determination Sitting, Self-Inquiry, and Kriya Yoga.  I intend to implement these techniques daily and stay consistent with them for months and perhaps years to come.  I’m excited where this work will take me, and I plan to update my status regularly.

 

Health and Wellness: All my life I’ve been considered a “healthy eater” by friends and family.  However, after watching Leo’s “How to Shop for Healthy Food,” I realized that there is still more improvement that can happen in this area.  Ever since watching that video a couple of years back, I’ve been eating more organic food, especially fruits and vegetables.  But, I have not been consistent with healthy nutrition lately, so I want to make this a big focus in my life.  Although I consider myself to be a healthy eater as compared to the average American, there is still more work to do.  About two weeks ago, I’ve been noticing my energy levels being low.  This past week I’ve increased my vegetable intake, have been drinking fruit and vegetable smoothies, and have replaced pre-made salad dressing with homemade salad dressing using organic ingredients.  This has made a huge difference in my energy levels and general well-being.  Having more energy is not the only reason why I’m focusing on this area, but I’m also a health and wellness coach.  Being able to take my health to the next level is imperative since I encourage others to do the same.  Making nutrition a priority in my life will benefit me in many areas.  Also, I’d like to get back into the gym and start lifting weights again.  This was a big part of my life much of last year, but once I committed to doing enlightenment work this past November, I’ve spent less and less time in the gym.  I would like to put on some muscle since I’m a fairly skinny individual.  By going to the gym on an every-other-day basis, my body will get in the work it needs to stay in shape.  I intend on setting at least one nutrition and one exercise goal throughout the week to ensure my health is top notch.

 

Social Confidence: If there’s one thing I’ve been procrastinating on in my life, it would be taking action to cure my shyness.  All my life I’ve considered myself to be shy, and many people have reinforced this idea in me that I am a “quiet” person.  Although shyness may not be a “bad” thing, it has held me back in so many areas of my life.  I do have a solid, small group of friends, and this has had a very positive impact on my life.  However, the most concerning area that shyness has affected me most in is dating and relationships.  I’m currently 24 years old and I’ve never been in a real relationship with the opposite sex.  In high school, I had a girlfriend for about a year, but I wasn’t invested or interested at the time.  Although many women have considered me to be a physically attractive guy, I haven’t been taking the initiative to put myself out there and approach women myself.  The lack of experience with women has come back to bite me.  Just the idea of approaching a random woman on the street or at the bar terrifies me.  Not only that, but even getting myself to go to a bar is out of the ordinary.  I’m a very introverted individual who loves spending his time by himself, but at the same time I realize the need to get out of my shell.  So, I am determined to do just that.  I have been reading several books and have been researching ways to overcome social anxiety.  Many, many times I’ve tried to overcome shyness and failed.  The simple reason why I keep failing is this: I have always believed there will be some book, program, or resource that would somehow rewire my brain, so I am magically no longer shy.  Sure, I know a lot about shyness and why I am anxious in many social situations, but I have not been taking any consistent action to overcome it.  I have not been putting myself out there in social situations even though every book, program, or resource tells me to do so.  Because of this, I plan to implement the following principle: limit theory, maximize action.  Continuous action always comes before confidence.  Each week I plan to list at least one goal that requires me to take bold action.

[TDW1995]

March 1st

Meditation and Spirituality

Meditation: Do Nothing (30 minutes)- Went well for the first 15 minutes or so.  During the last half, I became a little bored and was mentally resisting the boredom a bit.

Spirituality: Self-Inquiry (60 minutes)- Initially planned to not move (Strong Determination Sit), but was restless after doing a motionless 30-minute Do Nothing meditation session.  I would like to push myself to sit still for self-inquiry going forward.  Noticed that the mind is constantly addicted to attaching to form.  Even when I ask, "Who's doing the observation?" my mind would formulate some mental image of the self.

Health and Wellness

I have noticed that during the weekends I have much lower energy and find it hard not needing a nap.  The reason why this is is because I typically stay at my parents and they have a lot of processed food.  What I need to do for future weekends if I go to my parents is to bring my own food, which is mainly organic and non-processed.  During the work week, I've noticed that I have an abundance of energy from eating many fruits, vegetables, and other organic food.

Weekly Goal: Continue to eat healthy during the week.  Wean off of processed food this weekend when at home.  This may require me to go grocery shopping before the weekend if I don't have enough food.

Social Confidence

Goal: Finish reading my Social Confidence book in the next weekend or two.  Work on the exercises within the book as I work towards finishing it.

 

[TDW1995]

March 2nd

Meditation and Spirituality

Meditation: Do Nothing (30 minutes)- Had a busy mind, but was allowing it to do what it wants.  I was able to keep an watchful eye on the mental activity.

Spirituality: Self-Inquiry (60 minutes)- I was able to stay in my seat the whole duration of the session. Time and time again I kept detaching from form, then believed that I hit rock bottom, or the fundamental True self.  When that happens my mind resists that the possibility that I could be not-a-thing, and will always attached to an image or a sensation in the body.  Even though I went very deep, my mind is holding onto the assumption that I must be a thing with qualities.

I am also practicing Kriya Yoga on a daily basis and have been since February 1st.  "Do Nothing" meditation happens just moments after I wake up after a two minute concentration practice.  I have been varying my object of the concentration practice from either the pressure between my thumb and index finger or a metronome.  Self-inquiry takes place after my "Do Nothing" meditation and also is preceded by a two minute concentration practice.  Currently, my meditation and self-inquiry practices last from 7:00-8:45 a.m.  Kriya Yoga takes place whenever I can fit it into my day and lasts around 20-25 minutes.  Lastly, I have a one hour commute to and from work each day, so I do my best to practice mindful driving.  I do sometimes listen to music, and I try to stay mindful of whatever song is playing.

Health and Wellness

I recently created a grocery list that consists of all the possible foods that are both healthy and at least somewhat tasty.  This will make future grocery shopping much easier, so I know what I need to stock up on.  Also, I've cut out coffee during the week and replaced it with green tea and organic, raw honey.  I do not like green tea plain, so the honey really adds sweetness to it.  It provides long-term energy, while coffee kills my energy when the day goes on.  However, on the weekends I've been drinking one or two cups of coffee at my parents and I pay for it later in the day as I feel fatigued.

Weekly Goal: Continue to eat healthy during the week.  Wean off of processed food this weekend when at home.  This may require me to go grocery shopping before the weekend if I don't have enough food.

Social Confidence

The work week provides many opportunities to practice some techniques I learn in the book I am reading.  This week, the book is encouraging me to repeat to myself, "I am not responsible for other's feelings."  This statement helps me allow others to feel the way they feel and for me to not take any responsibility whatsoever for how they are feeling.  Taking responsibility for how others feel is a toxic way to live as you will always try to please people.  I must be independent of other people's feelings, and to do this I need to reaffirm this statement to myself over and over.

Goal: Finish reading my Social Confidence book in the next weekend or two.  Work on the exercises within the book as I work towards finishing it.

Weekly Goal: Say to myself over and over, "I am not responsible for other's feelings."

[TDW1995]

March 3rd

Meditation and Spirituality

Meditation: Do Nothing (30 minutes)

Spirituality: Self-Inquiry (60 minutes)- Had moments where I went really deep.  There were times I was aware of awareness and felt that there was no object that was perceiving reality.  However, my mind gets bored of being aware of awareness and it will sometime wander off.  I need to stay diligent and always bring my mind back to the subject of awareness.  Doing concentration exercises each day will help with keeping my mind calm and focused in order to do this more effectively.

Yoga: Kriya Yoga (20 minutes)- Will do this practice at some point during the day where time allows.

Health and Wellness

Today I plan to start the gym back up.  I plan to lift at the gym for about 30 minutes.  I have already written out my routine, so I am ready to go.  This will be my first time going back to the gym since December.  The only obstacle is that I get off of work at 7:00 p.m. and then have an hour commute home.  I will need to eat dinner, so this puts my gym time at around 8:30-9:00 p.m.  This week I plan to work out three days minimum, but intend to get in four days.  My exercise week begins on Monday and ends on Sunday.  Going forward, it looks like I'll be going to the gym on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  I plan to work out at my parents house on the weekends (Saturdays and Sundays) for four days total.  My workout plan is an upper body and lower body split with one day off in-between.

Weekly Goal: Continue to eat healthy during the week.  Wean off of processed food this weekend when at home.  This may require me to go grocery shopping before the weekend if I don't have enough food.

Social Confidence

On top of reminding myself that I am not responsible for other people's feelings, I will focus on asking myself what I want in situations throughout the day.  Shy people tend to put their needs secondary to other people's needs.  But, reminding myself throughout the day just to ask myself what I want in situations will put me on the right track.  This will put me in touch more with what I value in life and to take my desires seriously.

Goal: Finish reading my Social Confidence book in the next weekend or two.  Work on the exercises within the book as I work towards finishing it.

Weekly Goal: Say to myself over and over, "I am not responsible for other's feelings," and "What do I want in this situation?"

[TDW1995]

March 4th

Meditation and Spirituality

Meditation: Mindfulness (30 minutes)- Today I changed it up a little bit.  I went ahead and practiced Mindfulness meditation instead of the Do Nothing technique.  I feel that if I want to have a more calm mind in preparation for Self-Inquiry, I would need a more focused meditation.  The session went well and my mind was much more focused afterwards.

Spirituality: Self-Inquiry (60 minutes)- The first 30 minutes went really well.  I felt like I entered state of "no-mind" and really concentrated on the awareness that was taking place.  I was able to detach from thoughts and sensations if they came up, and really realized that thoughts arise from no where and that they could not be the true me.  The true Self comes is not a perception, but is some "thing" that is aware of all the perceptions.  I resisted the temptation to think of myself as a point-perceiver in the body since I knew that I would never find it.  I became a little restless and bored for the last 30 minutes, so making sure that I stay diligent to this process for the full 60-minute duration is important going forward.

Health and Wellness

I did not go to the gym last night as planned.  My friend was supposed to come over to our apartment, but it didn't end up happening.  Tomorrow night (Thursday) I plan to go to the gym.  It looks like I will stick to the goal of getting in three days of working out this week.

Weekly Goal: Continue to eat healthy during the week.  Wean off of processed food this weekend when at home.  This may require me to go grocery shopping before the weekend if I don't have enough food.

Weekly Goal: Work out three days this week (Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday).

Social Confidence

I am continuing to read my book, but need to make sure I am being more conscious of statements I am to repeat to myself throughout the day.  Today I have a couple of clients I am meeting with, so I want to make sure I don't take responsibility for their feelings.  I trust in the way I do wellness coaching, and if I'm not a good fit for them, there are other health coaches available at our facility.  There are other clients who prefer to only be with only me, but at the same time, I must realize that I can't please everyone.  I must stay grounded in what I believe is right for my clients, and not change because of one person who doesn't approve of my style.

Goal: Finish reading my Social Confidence book in the next weekend or two.  Work on the exercises within the book as I work towards finishing it.

Weekly Goal: Say to myself over and over, "I am not responsible for other's feelings," and "What do I want in this situation?"

[TDW1995]

March 5th

Meditation: Mindfulness (30 minutes)- My mind was a little lazy today and didn't want to focus the whole duration.  The first half went very well, but I lost interest in the last 15 minutes.  I also notice that when I feel something, my mind wants to create a mental image of what body part is experiencing that feeling.  Going forward, I think it will be helpful to experience what is literally happening, not what my mind creates of it.

Spirituality: Self-Inquiry (60 minutes)- Again, my mind was a little lazy and didn't want to focus today.  However, there were brief moments when I went very deep.  When awareness is all that's left, my mind has a hard time focusing on it, then tries to attach itself to a sensation or image of what I could be.  Being able to increase my concentration muscle and be disciplined for a full hour will be important in the future.

Health and Wellness

I plan to have my first day at the gym tonight.

Weekly Goal: Continue to eat healthy during the week.  Wean off of processed food this weekend when at home.  This may require me to go grocery shopping before the weekend if I don't have enough food.

Weekly Goal: Work out three days this week (Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday).

Social Confidence

I got a little more reading done yesterday, so I should be able to finish this book within the next couple of weekends.  Also, I plan to continue to repeat the statements to myself throughout the day.

Goal: Finish reading my Social Confidence book in the next weekend or two.  Work on the exercises within the book as I work towards finishing it.

Weekly Goal: Say to myself over and over, "I am not responsible for other's feelings," and "What do I want in this situation?"

[TDW1995]

March 6th

Meditation and Spirituality

Meditation: Do Nothing (30 minutes)- I planned to use this technique again with an emphasis in letting go.  A lot of times during meditation I feel like I need to get somewhere, but this is counter-productive.  Letting go of the need to get somewhere is the essence of meditation, and this principle needs to be taken seriously going forward.

Spirituality: Self-Inquiry (60 minutes)- The main question I asked today was "Who is perceiving?"  My mind like usual kept attaching to more phenomena, but I persistently detached from each sensation, thought, etc.  I believe that I am making good progress by detaching over and over, but eventually I need to have a still mind that is hyper-focused on awareness.

Health and Wellness

Well, I didn't exercise like I planned to last night.  Some of my friends came to our apartment to hang out.  However, this weekend I would like to slowly get back into exercising.  There are no excuses this weekend.  Today I also plan to go grocery shopping so I have more high quality food while I'm at my parents.  I will not be perfect when it comes to eating healthy, but making minor changes would be good progress.

Weekly Goal: Continue to eat healthy during the week.  Wean off of processed food this weekend when at home.  Go grocery shopping today so I'm prepared for the weekend at my parent's house.

Weekly Goal: Work out both days this weekend (Saturday and Sunday).  The original goal of working out four days this weekend was not successful, but I intend to keep that my goal next week.  I will work out both days this weekend.

Social Confidence

I am continuing to read my social confidence book.  There are only three chapters left to read, so I should be able to finish it by next weekend.  I absolutely must take action as it is not sufficient to gain knowledge.  I learned that finding your strengths and saying them out loud over and over to yourself will help you gain a more positive image of yourself, instead of thinking only of your weaknesses.  Also, having a purpose in life creates an identity that you can communicate to others.  Not only that, but even having a purpose of any interaction you have takes your attention off of seeking approval.

Goal: Finish reading my Social Confidence book in the next weekend or two.  Work on the exercises within the book as I work towards finishing it.

Weekly Goal: Say to myself over and over, "I am not responsible for other's feelings," and "What do I want in this situation?"  Identify my five strengths and start saying them aloud over and over to myself on a daily basis.  Write out my life purpose.  Before interactions, come up with a purpose of what you want to get out of talking to another person.

[TDW1995]

March 7th

Meditation and Spirituality

Meditation: Do Nothing (30 minutes)- This went really well today.  I am beginning to realize more and more that happiness is based on how well we allow the present moment just to be.  Many times when I go about my day I am resisting the present moment and this creates dissatisfaction.  By truly letting go and allowing the present to be no matter what, this meditation can prime me for the day.  Also, I want to be sure the rest of the day is an extension of this meditation.  This means to be present as much as I can and to fully allow what is.

Spirituality: Neti Neti (60 minutes)- Today for my spirituality practice I did Leo's "Enlightenment Guided Inquiry" visualization, which is the "Neti Neti" method.  I like to re-watch this video every so often to ensure everything that is experienced is being considered during the investigation of who I am.  This video also helps me realize other "things" I may not be questioning when I do self-inquiry myself.  Even though I don't mention it often, I do Kriya Yoga on a daily basis well as part of a spirituality practice.

Health and Wellness

Today I worked out for the first time since December.  I would like to tone up a bit, so I've been doing weight training and plan to do so going forward.  Because I don't enjoy the process of working out all that much, I would like to keep my exercise time to 30-40 minutes going forward.  In regards to my nutrition, I did not have the healthiest day of eating.  I am at my parent's house, so we had a lot of processed food.  This will not be the case when I am back at my apartment.  However, I want to concentrate on eating healthier on the two days that I am at my parent's house.  I brought much of my healthier food home with me, so I can have some of that tomorrow.

Weekly Goal: Work out both days this weekend (Saturday and Sunday).

Social Confidence

I am getting even closer to the end of my book.  Next week, there are many practical steps and techniques I plan to take.  These techniques involve gaining awareness of the sensations in my body when I feel anxious, being aware of what I say to myself in social interactions (internal voice/inner critic), and other exercises.  Eventually, I will get to the next chapter, which is to take bold action.  Taking bold action is the key step I've been missing in all of my failed attempts to overcome social anxiety.  I do intend to bite the bullet and make a lasting change this time around.  I was able to identify my top strengths and my purpose.  This will help ground myself so I know how to express myself in front of people when the time comes.

Weekly Goal: Say to myself over and over, "I am not responsible for other's feelings," and "What do I want in this situation?"  Before interactions, come up with a purpose of what you want to get out of talking to another person.  Do the exercises that require me to be aware of sensations in the body and how my inner voice is communicating.

[TDW1995]

March 8th

Meditation and Spirituality

Meditation: Do Nothing (30 minutes)- This was a difficult session today.  I was distracted when my sister came into my room unexpectedly.  I also had to go to the bathroom, so this session was in segments.  Obviously, I would like to stay seated and motionless the entire duration.  This is much easier to do during the week since I'm alone in my apartment and will not be interrupted.

Spirituality: Self-Inquiry (60 minutes)- I was really questioning where the point-perceiver is located.  I couldn't find the source self because sensations were occurring in different places in the body or in the environment, not in one location or going to one location (point-perceiver).  No thought, object, or sensation is going to a "perceiver."  All this phenomena exists independently as itself.  This was quite eye-opening as I'm really starting to realize that an point-perceiver cannot be located.

Health and Wellness

Today I worked out for the second time.  This lasted about 30 minutes and focused on the lower half of my body.  30 minutes is the ideal time for me.  I do intend to start working out four days each week, twice on the weekdays and twice on the weekends.  As far as nutrition goes, I had a very nutrition day as I ate more of my food at my parent's house.  Now that I am back at the apartment, nutrition should go well for the whole week.  I also feel that I'm prepared for future weekends since I know what works.

Weekly Goal: Workout four days this week.

Social Confidence

I only have two chapters left in my book.  I made a few word documents that are focused on exercises I can do throughout the day to help me strengthen my inner confidence.  By practicing self-compassion, reminding myself of my strengths and purpose, and challenging my inner critic (voice in my head) will prime me for taking bold action, which is approaching fast.  Throughout the week, I intend to practice these techniques I am learning in the book.  Going forward, once it's time to take bold action, I plan to journal how these interactions go.

Weekly Goal: Finish the Social Confidence book this week.

Weekly Goal: Continue to regularly practice techniques that are being learned from the book.

[TDW1995]

March 9th

Meditation and Spirituality

Meditation: Do Nothing (30 minutes)- This session went well.  I was tired since last night was a difficult night of sleep.  However, I let it go and was able to accept the present moment as it was.  I intend to extend this meditation throughout the day during work and when I'm at home.

Spirituality: Self-Inquiry (60 minutes)- I want to make sure I stay diligent going forward with this practice.  Much of the time my mind may wander off topic and focus on other things, but this is a practice that requires great concentration.  Today I was trying to find the "silent watcher."  When I came into contact with it, I would wonder what the "silent watcher" is, but usually my mind would veer off to some object of what it could be.  Each day I feel like I am becoming more and more convinced that it is impossible to find an object that is perceiving everything.

Health and Wellness

I plan to workout tomorrow since I have a half day of work.  This should make it easy to find just 30-40 minutes out of my day to do an upper body workout.  Eating healthy is becoming second nature especially when I am at the apartment.

Weekly Goal: Workout four days this week.

Social Confidence

Today I plan to start really focusing on the techniques I am learning from the book.  There are a variety of practices, and since I meet with clients, I can use those interactions as examples.

Weekly Goal: Finish the Social Confidence book this week.

Weekly Goal: Continue to regularly practice techniques that are being learned from the book.

[TDW1995]

March 10th

Meditation and Spirituality

Meditation: Do Nothing (30 minutes)- Today's session went well.  Because it was an early day at work (woke up at 5:00 a.m.), I was tired, but allowed the heavy eyelids to be.  At times I laughed because of a joke that was playing over in my mind.  I maintained stillness throughout the whole duration.

Spirituality: Self-Inquiry (60 minutes)- Today I focused on the present moment as intensely as I could and asked, "What is this?"  Over the past few months I've been eliminating what isn't me (sensations, thoughts, point-perceivers of any kind, etc).  I brought up the possibility that I am looking for something that isn't here, yet everything that exists is within this awareness.  At times my body felt hollow, as if nobody was no "thing" there perceiving it.  I feel like I am starting to really get serious in this practice.

Health and Wellness

I just finished my upper body workout for the day.  It lasted 30 minutes.  My nutrition has been top-notch today, and I feel great about it the rest of the week. I plan to have my next workout (lower body) on Thursday night after work.

Weekly Goal: Workout four days this week.

Social Confidence

I will definitely finish my book by this weekend.  With this said, I will start taking bold action next week.  The book has to create a fear hierarchy, and has you tackle each action with the easiest tasks first (level 3), all the way up to the most difficult tasks (level 10).  I am determined to gain social confidence.  This absolutely will not be easy, but it will be worth it.  

Weekly Goal: Finish the Social Confidence book this week.

Weekly Goal: Continue to regularly practice techniques that are being learned from the book.

[TDW1995]

March 11th

Meditation and Spirituality

Meditation: Do Nothing (30 minutes)- This is typically meditation done when I am tired.  I also didn't feel like meditating today, but I did anyway.  In fact, I think meditating when you don't want to can be incredibly valuable.  The key is to let the boredom and tiredness be, and I feel like I was able to do that today.

Spirituality: Self-Inquiry (60 minutes)- Today I felt when really well.  I had some fascinating insights and feel like I took a huge leap forward.  I realized that no thought carries more weight than any other thought.  This means that there isn't a hierarchy where one thought is more "me" and another thought is less "me."  If perceptions are on the same level, none can be primary.  Also, a thought cannot perceive another thought.  In that case, the thought of "I" is a thought, but not perceived by another "I" thought.

Health and Wellness

This continues to go smoothly, so there isn't much to say from here on out.  I continue to eat healthy and commit to working out four days each week.

Weekly Goal: Workout four days this week.

Social Confidence

There isn't much to say other than I am continuing to do the techniques that I learned from this book each day.  This will prime me for next week where I plan to gradually expose myself to anxious situations.  Once next week comes, it will be very helpful to journal what happens in these situations as it will be a relief to reflect.

Weekly Goal: Finish the Social Confidence book this week.

Weekly Goal: Continue to regularly practice techniques that are being learned from the book.

[TDW1995]

March 12th

Meditation and Spirituality

Meditation: Do Nothing (30 minutes)- I was tired today.  This isn't anything new.  I continue to let whatever is arising in the present moment be without any resistance.

Spirituality: Self-Inquiry (60 minutes)- I am beginning to realize that there is nothing outside of the present moment.  Every thought of something that is "behind the scenes" is just a thought happening right now in the present moment.  Every thought can't be me.  And, a thought cannot perceive any phenomena.  Going forward, I need to be more focused.  I'm getting to the point where I know what I am not, but need to focus on what I am.

Health and Wellness

I made a smoothie for today that includes frozen organic blueberries and strawberries.  I also put in an organic banana.  Lastly, organic leafy greens were thrown in there as well.  I intend to workout my lower body today after work.

Weekly Goal: Workout four days this week.

Social Confidence

Weekly Goal: Finish the Social Confidence book this week.

Weekly Goal: Continue to regularly practice techniques that are being learned from the book.

[TDW1995]

March 13th

Meditation and Spirituality

Meditation: Do Nothing (30 minutes)- I had an itch that bothered me for a while, but tried to let it be.  I've been making sure to stay completely still for the duration of the session.  

Spirituality: Self-Inquiry (60 minutes)- I have noticed that I'm becoming lazy with self-inquiry.  Because of this, I will start doing 30 minutes of this, but make sure that I am focused on the subject of this practice the whole time, which is me.  I will instead start doing 60 minutes of Strong Determination Sitting for the meditation and the self-inquiry practice will be separate.

Health and Wellness

I worked out yesterday and I plan to get in both days this weekend.  I am also bringing some of my food to my parent's house, so my nutrition should go well this weekend.

Weekly Goal: Workout four days this week.

Social Confidence

Weekly Goal: Finish the Social Confidence book this weekend.

Weekly Goal: Continue to regularly practice techniques that are being learned from the book.

[TDW1995]

March 14th

Meditation and Spirituality

Meditation: Do Nothing (30 minutes)- This session was interrupted a few times by my brother.  It was a busy day and I didn't practice my meditation and spiritual practices as I normally do.  Tomorrow will be different, and I plan to start the day with a one hour long Strong Determination Sit.  This is my plan going forward as well.  Also, I will make concentration practices a priority.

Spirituality: Today I didn't get in a formal spiritual practice.  I didn't get in a formal Kriya Yoga practice, but I will get back to that tomorrow as well.  I will also practice self-inquiry for 30 minutes.  My mind will be much more concentrated and less lazy now that I'll be cutting the time in half for now.

Health and Wellness

Today I didn't get in a workout as planned.  However, I intend to get one in tomorrow.  Also, I did drink a fruit and vegetable smoothie, but the rest of my nutrition today wasn't as good as it normally is.

Weekly Goal: Workout four days this week.

Social Confidence

I will be finishing my book tomorrow.  This coming week will be the first week of taking bold action.  I plan to journal what happens with the tasks that I'll be doing.

Weekly Goal: Finish the Social Confidence book this weekend.

Weekly Goal: Continue to regularly practice techniques that are being learned from the book.

Edited March 16, 2020 by TDW1995

[TDW1995]

March 15th

Meditation and Spirituality

Meditation: Strong Determination Sit (60 minutes)- I sat motionless for the whole hour.  I like this type of meditation because it gives me more focus and it requires me to be very disciplined.  For me, this is not combined with other meditation techniques.  I used to do the "Do Nothing" paired with this, but I prefer to make sure I don't move at all.

Spirituality: Self-Inquiry (30 minutes)- The 30 minute session makes it easier to focus for the whole length of time.  I really concentrated on the "I am" sense, but couldn't pinpoint exactly what that was.  Logically, I know that it is nothingness, but keeping my mind on it is not easy.  Doing more concentration practice throughout the day can help keep my mind more focused.

Health and Wellness

Today I worked out my upper body.  This made it a total of three days this week.  I had the goal of working out four days.  This was one more day than last week, so I will consider this an improvement.  I plan to shoot for four days this coming week.  Nutrition didn't go quite as planned this weekend, but it will go well during this week since I'm back at my apartment and in more control.

Weekly Goal: Workout four days this week.

Social Confidence

I finished my book this morning.  This will be the first week of taking bold action.  I will start with the tasks that are ranked 3 this week.  Tasks include going to a party or social gathering where I know most people, making eye contact with a stranger on a street, and speaking up in a group of people.  On top of this, I will continue to do the techniques that help me resolve this issue mentally.

Weekly Goal: Take bold action on the ranked three items of the fear hierarchy.  Continue to work on learned techniques from the book.

Edited March 16, 2020 by TDW1995

[TDW1995]

March 16th

Meditation and Spirituality

Meditation: Strong Determination Sit (60 minutes)- Today I sat motionless for the whole hour.  My mind was calm for the first half, but they it starts thinking a lot the last 30 minutes.  This is when I implement the principle of "do nothing" and let my mind do what it wants.  Not moving is the most important aspect of this meditation.

Spirituality: Self-Inquiry (30 minutes)- Instead of feeling like I am coming from the inside-out (in the body experiencing reality outwards), it felt like I was coming from the outside-in.  At times I was just experiencing everything that was happening without believing that I was something inside the body.  Everything was just existing as it were.

Health and Wellness

Weekly Goal: Workout four days this week.

Social Confidence

Weekly Goal: Take bold action on the ranked three items of the fear hierarchy. Continue to work on the learned techniques from the book.

[TDW1995]

March 17th

Meditation and Spirituality

Meditation: Strong Determination Sitting + Self-Inquiry (30 minutes)- Today I combined meditation and self-inquiry since it was an early morning, and I am very tired throughout the day.  For a whole 30 minutes I didn't move and went very deep into the inquiry.  This was after getting more clarity on what we are supposed to look for in self-inquiry after watching a Rupert Spira video.  I was able to go beyond form and just put awareness on awareness itself.  I kept asking, "Am I aware?"  I can be aware of a sensation, but can I be aware of what is aware?  I believe this was the deepest I've ever gone in self-inquiry.

Health and Wellness

My gym is closed due to the virus.  This will not allow me to get in four workout days this week.  However, I plan to stay on top of my nutrition.

Social Confidence

I am working on making eye contact with strangers and speaking up in groups at work.  It is going well, and it is not as hard as I thought it would be.  I plan to continue to take action on this throughout the week.  Starting next week I will do more difficult tasks.

Weekly Goal: Take bold action on the ranked three items of the fear hierarchy. Continue to work on the learned techniques from the book.

[TDW1995]

March 18th

Meditation and Spirituality

Meditation: Strong Determination Sitting (60 minutes)- I stayed still the whole time.  I noticed my mind and it was very active throughout the entire session.  However, I let the mind go and watched what it did.

Spirituality: Self-Inquiry (30 minutes)- I will typically do this in the morning, but today I will be doing it before bed.

Health and Wellness

Because I will be working at home due to the virus outbreak, I really want to concentrate on nutrition and exercise.  It will now be possible to workout at home since I have a gym at home.  I plan to work out three days this week.

Weekly Goal: Workout three days this week.

Social Confidence

With the virus going on, it is hard to interact with people on a daily basis.  I will be working at home, but I'll still be calling some clients.  I plan to continue to work on techniques throughout being quarantined at home.

Weekly Goal: Take bold action on the ranked three items of the fear hierarchy. Continue to work on the learned techniques from the book.

 

[TDW1995]

March 19th

Meditation and Spirituality

Meditation: Strong Determination Sit (60 minutes)- I have been letting my mind go while I sit still for the full hour.  Lately, my mind has been very busy, but I am not controlling it.

Spirituality: Self-Inquiry (30 minutes)- The way I have been doing self-inquiry the past couple of days is asking the question, "Am I aware?"  I learned this from a Rupert Spira video and it leads you directly to awareness.

Health and Wellness

I will be at my parent's house quite a bit since I am working from home now.  I plan to continue to make fruit and vegetable smoothies on a regular basis and eat as healthy as I can.  Also, I intend to get on a regular workout schedule since I have equipment at my parent's house to use.  Even though my gym is close, I have everything I need here.

Weekly Goal: Workout three days this week.

Social Confidence

Because much of the world is isolated right now, it is hard for me to work on interacting with others.  However, I will continue to take any chance I get, and also continue to work on techniques each day to generate high self-esteem.

Weekly Goal: Take bold action on the ranked three items of the fear hierarchy. Continue to work on the learned techniques from the book.