I think I am a narcissist.

[SuperMilkbox]

I think I am a narcissist. I've taken a few online tests, and I am usually at the lower end of them. I can't put my finger on what elements of myself I need to work on to not be a narcissist. I often worry, deep down, about how others feel about me, but not in a vanity sense. It's more like, I hope I'm not annoying them. I don't want to exploit people. I don't manipulate people. I enjoy being with friends and having fun. 

I want to make people around me my friends. I want to make them happy. I don't often talk about my achievements, but if someone asks, I can talk for a while about them. I am continually trying to be a better person each day. I often ask people about themselves, what they do, what they enjoy. I want to learn new skills and I enjoy going to people more skilled than I to achieve that.

Some people have also accused me of being a sociopath, but I don't know why. I am always concerned and blaming myself for everything, but only when something goes wrong. Even if the other person could be to blame, I'll point to myself. I think I have a lot of empathy. I love my dog with all my heart, and she's my best friend. I am always worried about people and always wanting to make sure they are okay. I get upset easy and I feel emotions very intensely.

I have a large vocabulary. My mother often accuses me of trying to be better than most people. This isn't my intention. I try to speak as authentically and congruently as I can. My intention is never to make anyone feel stupid. It's times like this, where I question my place in society. I am usually very good at some things, and often I am the leader in a group. Usually I am appointed it. I don't ask to, but if no one wants to be the leader in a group, I will take the initiative. I don't put others down. I don't insult others. I talk to as many people as I can, and I like to smile and let them talk. Rarely do I actually say much, unless asked.

Recently, someone who I thought was my friend came out and said they wasn't. I've lived the past 5 years, spending two days a week thinking this person was my friend. This person, far as I know, hasn't given me any indication of this. In fact, the people in the same group seem to not have noticed either. No one approached me and said I did anything wrong. All I wanted to do was fit in, and be a part of the group.

I've looked but I haven't found anything, but has Leo done any videos on this topic? Or are there good ones online? I'm at a super low point right now. I want to find something to help or make me understand myself.

Edited February 27, 2020 by SuperMilkbox

[OctagonOctopus]

I wouldn't trust any online tests about your personality, or the opinions of other, you know it better then anyone. 

 

6 hours ago, SuperMilkbox said:

I am always concerned and blaming myself for everything, but only when something goes wrong.

To deal with this I would suggest getting really connected and intune with your values. The more you act out of your values, the more you will feel you are acting as your authentic self. Thus more self-love emerges, less internal blaming and more internal support. You want to learn skills, well the best skills for you to learn are the ones that are most deeply connected to your values. 

 

6 hours ago, SuperMilkbox said:

Recently, someone who I thought was my friend came out and said they wasn't. I've lived the past 5 years, spending two days a week thinking this person was my friend.

I understand what its like to lose friends, have someone tell you they were never your friend, or don't want to be anymore. Allow the grief to come, listen to it and give it space when it needs it, but don't get lost in it, once it is heard connect with your values and take an action that alines with them.

Edited February 27, 2020 by OctagonOctopus

[michaelwat]

Based on what u have posted id say you are not a narcissist. EMPATHY is a admirable trait and if you have a surplus of that then fuck yeaa ur on the right trackk.

[Rilles]

narcissists rarely if ever admit they are narcissists, the whole point of having NPD is that you have almost no self awareness, empathy and you are always seeing yourself as perfect, so why would you ever need to admit or ask for help

[SuperMilkbox]

I've been accused a lot of having no empathy. I don't display much emotion physically. I don't understand those claims. When I do feel emotion, it's very intense. Often, I am in a neutral state of mind for lack of better words. More often than not, I can't describe it past that point. Although I feel every typical emotion - anger, sadness, happiness, ect. 

I have also been accused of having sycophantic and sociopath tendencies. I do not, to my understanding, minipulate people. When I lie, it's for comedic effect. An example, but not an accurate one would be - ''Who are the last cookie'' and I, with crumbs on my person, would say ''Not me'' Obviously there are some instances where I'd outright lie, but only because the situation is not a good one for anyone. An example would be  ''Would you donate or be interested in'' and saying you have no money on you, to get them to go away.

I know I have a higher opinion of myself than most people. Mostly in the sense of, I will succeed. I will achieve those goals. And I will dedicate myself enough to achieve what those are. I do very well in a lot of areas because of it. Now that I am not sure is a trait. I just saw it more often than not as confidence. When someone reads a message and doesn't reply, I often wonder if they like or care about me, especially if it goes on for a few hours. I understand everyone is busy, but sometimes when it's a question, it makes me anxious. 

I realise this forum is not based around the topic I have presented. I've followed Leo for about 4 years now, and I listen often enough. A lot of what Leo has said has made a huge impact on my life, in terms of physical and mental stability. I have a long way to go to reach the goals I want.

The videos that have been published by Leo have helped me to some extent - such as letting go. That's enabled me to actually view myself in a different light. A lot of them, I believe, have developed me. 

Edited February 28, 2020 by SuperMilkbox

[OctagonOctopus]

@SuperMilkbox

Realize that these accusations are just projections from someone else. They do not hold any grounds, just subjective opinions. The sheild and sword is up you are trying to fight them, trying to fight the thought stories you have that came from the thoughts stories of someone else. Allow the thoughts to be there and just watch them.

Good that you have goals, but have you figured out what you value? Values are more fundimental then goals and are central to living a fulfilling life, the greatest goals come from your values. 

Then observe the anxiety, and allow it to be there. Im sure it also comes with thought stories like "What if they say this..." "What if they say that..." . Let it be there, give it the space, but then go towards something you value.

[BETGR164128]

@SuperMilkbox One thing I know about narcissism is there is always envy and resentment. If you don't have envy and resentment you're more than likely just very sensitive, which is a positive thing. There is also a huge disconnect between real life skills and their perception of their skills . Narcissists tend to over evaluate the skills they have and usually demand respect more than is due. That's why they get upset easily because normal people see someone who is very immature and the narcissist can't understand why people aren't giving them more admiration.

If you don't have all that going on then you're ok. I don't feel you are narcissistic from reading your material

[Mongu9719]

@SuperMilkbox I have a narcissistic mother. She WOULD NEVER admit she was a narcissist. Trust me you are not a narcissist.

[Nahm]

@SuperMilkbox

A thought about you is not true. Feeling tells you this. In continuing to ignore feeling and believe thoughts about a “you” are true, you suffer. Creating another label / belief about you, only serves to continue to avoid feeling. Don’t fall for it.  

 

[zeroISinfinity]

@Nahm So that's why release and crying after "ego backlash". 

Thank you good man. 

It works wonders never the less. It's like washing away. 

[Nahm]

@zeroISinfinity Yep

[Byun Sean]

this looks like you are striving to maintain a particular identity. Be careful. You may be creating a shadow out of narcissism or some of these other traits.

If possible, watch what traits and actions your mind judges when you interact with others. Things that the mind judges and demonizes means that it is a threat to your identity.

For example. pretend you secretly judge and hate yourself for being socially awkward. And so you suppress and deny any hint of social awkwardness within your own self, thoughts, and actions and instead demonize and criticize all of the socially awkward people 'out there'. 

The mind loves this because it distracts you from turning inwards and digging up that nasty shadow material because the shadow material is there to maintain your identity.

EX: if we take the social awkwardness example, the purpose of disowning that may be to maintain your identity as a confident extroverted outgoing person

 

If we take your example, narcissism or self centeredness as we conventionally know it as the disowned trait. Then You may be attempting to maintain being a nice or humble person and furthermore judging all of the self-centered narcissistic assholes 'out there'. 

Notice how you fear being a narcissist. What if you are a narcissist? Why do you feel the need to separate yourself 'over here' from those self centered narcissists 'over there'. Could there be something deeper to that? Does such a boundary even exist or are you just making it up? And what might be the purpose of making up a boundary like that?

hmmmm........

 

Once you've located some shadow material or a trait, quality, or group of people you judge, demonize, and criticize, the next step is to allow yourself to love yourself for being THAT. Because those people actually are YOU. 

If you judge people for being assholes, all yourself to love yourself for being an asshole and you will have healed that part of yourself. 

Your mind has thousands upon thousands of these judgements and virtual partitions that separate you from other people preventing you from seeing the world from their point of view. Collapsing them is a major part of the work.

Good luck

 

[rNOW]

I've read and watched extensively about narcissists. From what you've posted, you do not really fit into the definition of a narcissist. However, you maybe a codependent. A codependent is someone who often worries about how other people perceive them, not necessarily trying to be better than others. If you are someone who goes out of your way to put others first, try to avoid conflict for fear of their reactions and have suppressed emotions because of fear of them being laughed at, you maybe a codependent. Look up videos on it and you can learn how to heal yourself. 

P.S. A narcissist never realizes they are a narcissist, unless someone officially diagnoses them. Even then, they are often in denial.