It's 12:32 AM, forgetting everything, and no time

[Jamie Universe]

School is terrorizing me, it feels like everything in school is meant to literally trap me. The problem is, I go to school, I do work, everyday I'm stressed out basically everyday because of mainly socializing (thinking peoples opinions of me are bad, or I hurt someone and I feel shit) / deadlines, again because I care about peoples opinions (my teachers) and don't want them to be disappointed in me. And then I spend my time after school procrastinating / trying to release pain, I dance to EDM music very loudly in my room, I rant by writing my thoughts down, I masturbate usually for the sole purpose of releasing pain (it feels like anyways). And if I don't give myself enough distractions I complain to myself. my day goes on, I usually don't have problem with starting my homework or doing it for a while, but then it's 9:30 which at this point I mostly say "Ok I'm done for the night" and go to bed. I don't fall asleep until 12:00 usually, but I turn lights off way before then, but then I remember I had that government assignment in the class I'm probably going to fail if I don't do it, on top of failing math already because I didn't have enough time for that either. 

 

I feel like I'm wasting all my time doing nothing, because I'm afraid I'll become homeless or in poverty and be miserable or something. Even if that's a belief I should drop, I have family pressures, I think of all the expectations they have, all the money they spent so I can succeed in the direction they want for me, and even though they say "we'll support whatever you choose" that doesn't include anything that reaches outside of their paradigm, which is basically most of the shit that I plan to do. I've thought a lot about things I could do, affirmations - cutting out distractions - etc. But I really just want a second opinion, and I'm also just freaking out and kind of irrational at this point, I just want the pain to stop, I'm too tired to deal with this shit.

[Applegarden]

Whatever you decide to do, dynamic activity is the only viable solution as i see. The fact that there is a such a thing as Actualized forum, where you can go and ask such a thing is because Leo's dynamic constant activity and intention to be active, sharing and passion about the truth and good for people around him.

Use the pressure as a fuel to change, if you can, but first, you will need to find what works for you! It is always a combination of things with some universal guidlines like healthy food, tight sleep cycle, spending some time without entertainment at all e.c.t.

I used to feel the same as you in the school system and soon it will be over for me and i underestand that the real studying, if you want to take your life somewhat into your hands, is only beginning for you. Researching about lifestyle change is what i would do and picking up a meditation habit first. You need more clarity to even consider taking some pro-life future decisions, otherwise there is only suffering awaiting you behind every procrastination and misintegrity. It is such a complex thing, yet you can make it so that its reliable enough for you to enjoy your life and contribute in a meaningful way.

[kag101]

It seems like you're suffering from Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

What do you think?

[Osaid]

@Jamie Universe This post seriously resonated with me. I struggled with a lot of this stuff, some of it I still do since I am still in school. School is honestly horrible, there are many flaws to the education system. I don't take it very seriously, I'm just trying to get by with average marks. I realized, however, that I can use school to my advantage. I can use it to practice all these spiritual concepts. For example, school forces you to deal with social situations daily. This is a great opportunity for getting good at that. Seeing things as "bad" is all a mind game. If you change your mindset you can use school to your advantage and use it to train your spirituality. Be grateful for even the challenging things in your life.

Also, fixing my sleep schedule has made school and life in general 20x better. I wake up at around 3am now for school. It's amazing not being sleep deprived when going to school, and having a full 4 hours to yourself in the morning.

As for the social problems, 

Acknowledge that social anxiety is created in your thoughts because you fear how others perceive your ego (you). Social anxiety is not a tangible thing, there are no situations that cause social anxiety, reality is neutral.

Other people's perceptions of you will always be that - a perception. You will never be able to live up to the version of you that they imagine in their head, so there is no point in trying to correct it. What they think of you is a fantasy. The version of you that they think of will never be correct to who you really are.

It also helped me to realize that everyone is me, in a sense. 

I still struggle with social anxiety, but this stuff personally helped quite a bit. Leo also has some videos on social problems you can watch.

I'll be honest, I don't know much about making money, but my brother only finished high school and dropped out of college and he is doing much better than people who have gotten degrees in terms of finances, so don't lose hope.

Hopefully this helps, keep your head up.

[Jamie Universe]

Thanks for your comments everyone! Its a lot better right now, this usually happens to me around this time of the school year.

@kag101 Even if it does or doesn't apply to me, I think your right with those symptoms. Though now since I'm quarantined to my home its not nearly as bad.

[Elton]

@Jamie Universe find your lif purpose or start thinking of it at least.

It will bring everything into perspective.

 

[kag101]

On 21/04/2020 at 0:06 AM, Jamie Universe said:

Even if it does or doesn't apply to me, I think your right with those symptoms. Though now since I'm quarantined to my home its not nearly as bad.

That's good to hear. With me, it has been the opposite. I am more anxious now.